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Old 11-19-2012, 05:27 AM   #1
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someofusrbrave HB User
painful eating disorder recovery little appetite help!

I had addictive/compulsive eating disorder patterns starting from when I was very young [unstable family environment, I was suffering from tremendous PTSD but didn't know it], bulimia, anorexia, restricting, daily vomiting [in that order]. I finally wound up hospitalized for puking blood and I decided to start eating again, at least enough not to get so much acid buildup in my stomach that I puked but....otherwise, well, my insides still feel like they've encountered the wrong side of a cheese grater; I'm still two hundred pounds, which at 5'4" isn't exactly a good thing; I'm hungry all night so I don't sleep so I have no energy the next morning with which to exercise; I eat like eight hundred calories per day yet I still can't lose the weight; I'm tense and scared living with my parents, which is where I'm living right now, so it's extra hard for me to eat.

I can't move out right now because I can't ingest enough food to get enough energy to work a job; I know I'm depressed but I've been depressed for so long I feel hopeless about, well, becoming not-hopeless-feeling; I stay locked inside the house because I feel so embarrassed about being overweight, then when I leave the house to do necessities like grocery shopping I feel like my breasts are constantly stared at and that guys hit on me way more than I feel comfortable with [I'm adept at hiding my weight with clothing, plus I'm very naturally curvy which the extra weight has increased the effect of-I basically look like huge boobs on a size ten when I go out].
My therapist's a grandstander who talks more about herself in our sessions than she listens to me, and calls me a "victim" whenever I want to talk about my feelings but my parents will not allow me to switch therapists unless she decides to stop seeing me [what, and lose her audience? Never!]; my doctor is a stick-thin Asian woman who thinks the problem is I eat too much [I'm pretty sure eight hundred calories per day can't possibly be construed as 'too much'-she just thinks I'm lying about that, which, well, I freakin' wish I was!].
My then-78-pound anorexic friend at the last treatment center I went to told me I ate less than her-and was right.
I get dizzy when I exercise.
I just-feel so very alone and un-understood.

Plus-it seems like there are folks who know about e.d. and folks who understand sexual trauma but never the twain shall meet, y'know?
I've been to three treatment centers-left the first, got kicked out of the second two [one of these wasn't an e.d.-specific center]. They all just want me to eat, but they don't pay attention when I tell them eating specific foods hurts me-they just tell me to grin and bear it.
I am SO SICK of 'grinning and bearing it.'
Help me? Please!

 
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Phoenix (12-12-2012)
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Old 12-12-2012, 09:12 AM   #2
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Re: painful eating disorder recovery little appetite help!

Hello someofusrbrave and welcome.

Having an eating disorder which can be traced back to childhood is something I can definitely relate with.
Have you considered seeing a gastroenterologist,with respect to your digestive problems? With all that the body goes through during binge and purge cycles enough,gastrointestinal problems are to be expected.
Another thing to be considered is seeing you family physician,with respect to having a complete physical performed(including blood work for electrolytes,etc.).He/she may prescribe you a prescription antacid and/or suggest you see a specialist,with respect to your digestive system.

With respect to your therapist;now's the time to be proactive.The session is about you and your concerns and her professional opinions based upon the information provided.
If you have to stay with her,work it to your advantage.
Write down questions you have during the week and take them with you.
Show her that you can be organized and mean business.

Getting better should be priority number 1 and that sometimes means going back in time to resolve conflicted moments.
You can do this....believe and you will acieve.

If you truly want something you've never had before,you need to be ready to do things you've never done before.

I'm rooting for you.

Respectfully
Phoenix
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eating disorders, gastro intestinal, ptsd anxiety stress beatup assault help helpless, sexual abuse, weight gain



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