is this an eating disorder?
Hi I haven't been on here for a while, but I am rather concerned as when I was talking to my friend, she suggested that I may have an eating disorder. I considered this a few years ago when it started, but people told me it was just stress and not to worry.
I have a history of abusive relationships, married 14 years and was kept prisoner most of the time. I got out of that relationship and lets say 'returned to normal' quite quickly and met a man with a personality disorder, needless to say that relationship was abusive too, I loved this guy, however during the course of this relationship I developed co dependancy issues and stopped eating when i was stressed, I lost a lot of weight, and some times i just wanted him to see me and be accountable for what he caused. (that was my thought at the time, however i realise now that was really quite mad of me to think like that!) at the end of the relationship my thoughts were - If there is less of me there is less to hate. Another silly thought but being honest thats how i felt.
That relationship ended and I did courses, retreats, everything to heal and recover, try to be normal again. I felt great, life was calm and I thought I'd recovered and learned. I met a new guy, he had a few issues too and all was ok. however one day he said he was abusing me as he didn't love me, After talks, and keeping trying, i found out he lied and was trying to get back with his ex, she was letting him chase her and he really did. devastated again at being used as a stop gap I ended it for my own sanity. However those eating feelings came back again just as before- can't eat, there has to be less of me to hate etc, It scares me feeling this way again. Is it an eating disorder or a co dependancy issue? the rest of the time i eat well and have a normal diet, it 's only happened in relation to relationships.
Thanks in advance.