Depressed... - Epilepsy Message Board

MandiX · 02-10-2004, 11:27 AM

So my myoclonic jerks have been getting really bad lately, and so has my word association. I say random words in place of others-- like saying book instead of picture. I also leave out words completely. School is getting harder and harder for me and I've always loved school and been really good at it. It makes me wonder if I should keep on going to be a psychologist...if i'm this bad now how bad am i going to be when I'm getting my doctorate? Or when/if I actually get a practice and can't even talk normally to the patients. I've never let my epilepsy stop me...I graduated with my class in HS, i moved 1000 miles away to go to college where I wanted to and I've done very well up until now. It's getting so frusterating to me and it's hard because the only person that really has ever been there for me is my ex boyfriend and we're still friends but he lives over an hour away and is extremely busy. I don't want to admit defeat but I wonder if I'm just pushing myself above my limits.

crystalw · 02-10-2004, 12:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MandiX

So my myoclonic jerks have been getting really bad lately, and so has my word association. I say random words in place of others-- like saying book instead of picture. I also leave out words completely. School is getting harder and harder for me and I've always loved school and been really good at it. It makes me wonder if I should keep on going to be a psychologist...if i'm this bad now how bad am i going to be when I'm getting my doctorate? Or when/if I actually get a practice and can't even talk normally to the patients. I've never let my epilepsy stop me...I graduated with my class in HS, i moved 1000 miles away to go to college where I wanted to and I've done very well up until now. It's getting so frusterating to me and it's hard because the only person that really has ever been there for me is my ex boyfriend and we're still friends but he lives over an hour away and is extremely busy. I don't want to admit defeat but I wonder if I'm just pushing myself above my limits.

What type of medicine are you on? Are those the side affects because that's how most of the e-drugs affect me, Maybe you just need a new medicine. Crystal

CH11 · 02-10-2004, 11:24 PM

Hey Mandi,

I've been having similar problems recently. My myoclonic jerks have also become worse and I've had problems with tremor ever since I increased my Depakote. I'm in my second year of college and the side effects are beginning to take their toll. I had to drop my organic chemistry lab because the myoclonic jerks were causing me to spill chemicals all over the place. School also feels like it's getting more difficult for me, but I've noticed that since the increase in my meds I've had much more difficulty focusing and my motivation to do my work is on the verge of extinction. I suppose the question at this point is, do I sacrifice seizure control for better cognitive skills? For now, I'm sticking with my current meds and just going to accept that school work just takes me a little longer to do now. I know your frustration well, and I urge you never to "admit defeat".

Good Luck
-Cat-

TAC77 · 02-29-2004, 10:12 PM

Is a myoclonic jerk when your body or at least the top half just will twitch for a while and then go away? I take Neurontin, Topomax, and Klonopin. I'm also trying to get SSI for the 4th time. Any help with that would be greatly appreceated, I must be doing something wrong.

gardener · 03-02-2004, 09:49 AM

To continue the "Depressed" thread...I'm almost halfway done with my Master's, huge dose of Topamax, VNS will be pulled in 16 days & new NCP unit be put in my chest as well as Gortex wraps put over the leads in my neck. Since the old generator was turned off three weeks ago my cognitive skills have plummeted as well as some of my short term memory. I have had 15 complex partials mixed in with nighttime seizures over the last three weeks. Coming from me, who has had lots of success over the last 3.5yrs with VNS, I feel lost and confused and at this point I want out of the program including VNS and university. The valium required to take to prevent the yucks from generalizing makes me sleep for hours more on top of post-ictil sleep.

I can feel my position as one of the top three in my class slipping away. Tell me it is my imagination. I can't drive until the new implant proves a success (No idea when this will be). On top of it all my husband and I have to move to the town (55 miles away) where our Master's programs are because my driving privileges have been revoked by my neuro, I have to be able to walk to university and work (I work for the univ. (lovely grants and research) undergrad teaching). Feels like my carefully woven life is unraveling. On top of it all I have to give roughly half of my plants away!
The Gardener