with reading afew posts. I see alot of low self asteem amongst you, i'm the one to talk.i'm very much the same have my up days and down days, the problem with me is i can never be a happy medium, its always gut feeling i have and i hate it. Smetimes i'm over confident and say to myslef, hmmmm o well i'm fine now since the new meds, now i have been ok, i think i am cured! but i know deep down inside, i say..noo.noo.hang in there girl your still epileptic and you can still have a seizure. On my down days i feel like i want to have one as i feel the world falling apart, and cry sometimes for nothing at all, i sometimes bother about other people to, nobody understands i feel, i think well what the hell she talking about, is she insane or something! I am still learning to deal with it after 22 years on...i am now 33, and still feel the feelings i had when i had my first seizure. If people want to believe you and they are willing to understand well thats fine that i can except, doesn't make me any diff to them, although there is maybe a deficiency in the brain but that i could not help. If the person doesn't want to know i get the feeling now, well if thats the case i don't give a ****! Anything could happen to them someday, you do get the negative people that think your maybe a disease, but i was told i must assure everyone of my epilepsy and make people aware of the potential things that may result in this.
Still i know i have to live with this day to day, and i get tired knowing that this may be the day it may not, so i do try to keep myself occupied and try not to think about it..yet there is the days i feel like talking about it, but who do i talk to, nobody as no-one knows what the hell i am on about. Its great we can come to these boards and share our feelings, i must admit, the thought of suicide was a big must when i was a teenager, going through school and whatever, and drowning in the swim pool and swim classes was a big shhock, but they managed to resusitate me, thats always still in my mind, i did overdose but they caught me and pumped me out. i felt so drunk or not with it afterwards, doing that i felt alot of pressure had been taken off me funnily enough, in a way it was a good lesson in life, it wasn't worth it. They say forget about the past, sometimes i cant and dwell on it. But i can't forget i have epilepsy though!
bye just now
You'll make it! I've had epilepsy for 55 years, and I'm still around. My seizures are under control, completely, and my doctor even thought about taking me off medication. I haven't had any seizures for 20 years, but after having being sent to a specialist to get his advice, I'm still on medication! He asked, "Why mess up a good thing? You're doing great, so leave it that way."
Many years ago I recall having many of the feelings you're having. I even asked myself how I was going to go about telling my date about having epilepsy, or should I even tell him. Will I ever get married? Who would want to marry someone with this disorder?
My husband is the one who made me realize that if I'd just look over my shoulder, there are many others who are worse off than I am and who could use my help and understanding. I joined the epilepsy society here in town, and I enjoy helping and talking with others and they enjoy my being with them because I do understand. My mind stays focused on them and makes me realize how fortunate I am. You can do it too!