| | i see alot...
with reading afew posts. I see alot of low self asteem amongst you, i'm the one to talk.i'm very much the same have my up days and down days, the problem with me is i can never be a happy medium, its always gut feeling i have and i hate it. Smetimes i'm over confident and say to myslef, hmmmm o well i'm fine now since the new meds, now i have been ok, i think i am cured! but i know deep down inside, i say..noo.noo.hang in there girl your still epileptic and you can still have a seizure. On my down days i feel like i want to have one as i feel the world falling apart, and cry sometimes for nothing at all, i sometimes bother about other people to, nobody understands i feel, i think well what the hell she talking about, is she insane or something! I am still learning to deal with it after 22 years on...i am now 33, and still feel the feelings i had when i had my first seizure. If people want to believe you and they are willing to understand well thats fine that i can except, doesn't make me any diff to them, although there is maybe a deficiency in the brain but that i could not help. If the person doesn't want to know i get the feeling now, well if thats the case i don't give a ****! Anything could happen to them someday, you do get the negative people that think your maybe a disease, but i was told i must assure everyone of my epilepsy and make people aware of the potential things that may result in this.
Still i know i have to live with this day to day, and i get tired knowing that this may be the day it may not, so i do try to keep myself occupied and try not to think about it..yet there is the days i feel like talking about it, but who do i talk to, nobody as no-one knows what the hell i am on about. Its great we can come to these boards and share our feelings, i must admit, the thought of suicide was a big must when i was a teenager, going through school and whatever, and drowning in the swim pool and swim classes was a big shhock, but they managed to resusitate me, thats always still in my mind, i did overdose but they caught me and pumped me out. i felt so drunk or not with it afterwards, doing that i felt alot of pressure had been taken off me funnily enough, in a way it was a good lesson in life, it wasn't worth it. They say forget about the past, sometimes i cant and dwell on it. But i can't forget i have epilepsy though!
bye just now