Help, need some advice from the married people - Epilepsy Message Board

Jan 2 · 08-28-2003, 10:02 AM

I've been living with epilepsy now for 2 1/2 years. Since I have been diagnosed its been hard on my marriage. Hubby and I have been married now for 3 years. I find myself going through mood swings and ups and downs and all it does is get under his skin. He also doesn't have patience for my forgetfulness. He sometimes thinks I do things on purpose, but I don't. I try so hard to not be so up and down in moods and not to be so forgetful, but the harder I try it seems the worse it is. Does anyone else have the same problems or understand? I need some advice if anyone could spare some I would appreciate it. Thank you

mommajessibelle · 08-28-2003, 10:35 AM

i too have this and my husband has been really great have been married for almost 3 years i was diagnosed with epilepsy when i was 15 im now 22 so for us this is kinda something that he knew he was getting into in the begining however i wasnt as bad with the mood swings and the forgetfulness there was one point about 3 or4 months ago that he just couldnt take it anymore and told me to go see a dr so i did and the dr put me on lexapro its an anti depressant but it helps to stablize moods and it also has helped with my memory its still bad but it has improved a little and a little is better than nothing right?you might want to ask your dr about the problems you are having thats what they are there for another thing that i did is i went on line and found a bunch of info about epilepsy and stuff that comes along with it and i emailed all that stuff to my hubby after he read everything he came to me and apologized for being ajerk and told me that he really didnt understand everything thing i was going through and he didnt realize how much something like epilepsy can affect a person i hope this helps jessie

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mother of 3
ages 4,3,and 1
my pride and joy

diagnosed with epilepsy jan. of 97

live life to its fullest you never know when it may be to late to do all the things you would have done tomorrow

bleubird · 08-28-2003, 05:20 PM

Jan,
Wow, reading your post I had to look to see if it wasn't actually me that wrote this and forgotten

But I go through the same thing. We have been married for 7 1/2 years and I was diagnosed with epilepsy almost 4 years ago now. I go through the moods too ..... it gets under my skin at times. I would love to hide from myself at times. I also forget ALOT ... its really a joy now that I am back in college. He gets upset at times about my memory. He says the same thing about if i am really forgetting or do I choice not to remember some things. Sometimes I am not sure... but we started writing things down. Its helped alot ... but now i can't get out of things saying I didn't remember

Good luck .... sometimes I think its better not to try so hard it only made my mood swings worse becasue i couldn't remember things and it would upset me alot. Writing it down has really helped. And we laugh that i get my "chore" list

Good Luck

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What I am doing today is important because I am exchanging a day of my life for it.

dwpavlik · 08-28-2003, 05:53 PM

Hello
I live with my wife of 16 years and she has Epilepsy. She was diagnosed when she was 12. I knew of her condition prior to our marriage and that was an attraction. I am diabetic with complications of pain, and irritability from pain meds. She forgets a lot. I now am more relaxed to read that this is normal with others. I understand how the signal blockers for E block the thought patterns. I used them for pain control and have experienced the forgetfulness firsthand. It is highly irritating to forget in mid stream. So since we both understand each other and wish to take care of each other, we have grown closer together in love and understanding. She puts up with a lot with my condition. I have little to care for in her since she has fewer seizure activities lately. I appreciate your frankness in helping me understand her even better. She is my life my love and is the best wife on earth for me. Chronic illnesses are a trial for anyone, and even more for those who do not yet understand what patients go through. We both have what is known as hidden diseases. No ******d signs of a problem. And we both have had prejudiced expressions given toward us. This builds understanding and patience. But can be frustrating. I hope the best for you all and your relationships.
Don.

Krazykcio · 08-28-2003, 09:45 PM

Hi,
Unfortunately each of us has no choice but to accept the good and bad we are faced with. I guess the words of wisdom we accept when we take our marriage vows were written from someone who knew a little about relationships. Think about it...."for better or worse"....."in sickness and in health".....etc., etc. Epilepsy is a disease that causes us to be on guard all the time. The emotional roller coaster ride is scary and makes us angry and sad at the same time.

Our life partners have to watch us go through the pain of seizures, discrimination, depression and so on. They are the ones that have to be strong and keep the family together while we recover. Our partners have to deal with the frustration of our memory losses and medication changes. But, regardless of how difficult this all may be, most of our dear partner's, wive's or husband's choose to remain by our sides....fighting with us.

I was forced to face this realization when I had my last seizure. As I began to come out of the fog caused by the seizure I noticed that my rock, the man I have been married to for over fifteen years, was teary. I asked him if he was alright. He said he was. I realized right then that I had never considered the fact that it had to be hell for him. I am ashamed to admit that it was the first time that I had asked him how HE was. The "E" journey is hell! But I'm sure glad that I have my husband by my side.

I think we should have a National "E" Partner Day. I think we need to let our partners know how much we appreciate them. We also need to keep communicating about our hopes and fears. After all, we're in it together....for better or worse!

Yes I get frustrated when he seems to think I'm exaggerating my symptoms. I hate when he is frustrated by my memory deficiencies. But, I can understand his frustration now. and I don't want to choke him nowadays!!!

I hope I don't sound like I'm on a soap box. I am just sharing what my experience has been. Be well all, Kathy