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Old 09-10-2007, 05:48 PM   #1
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bevin 30 HB User
Unhappy How do I know when i find that good and kind decent special someone for me?

Hello my name is bevin and I Have another question . What kind of man only uses a woman ( a woman who knows she has a seizure disorder) but then gives him the benefit of the doubt and thinks of him as being decent and kind but all he sees her as is a source of only intimate pleasure. running into men like that has caused too much hurtalready. I gave those kind of wrong men a chance I was wrong they did not accept me for who I am and did not respect my wishes and dreams when it came too how Iwanted the relationship to develop. How do I share who I am and my issues that come up because of the seizure disorder with a worthy person, and how do I eventually find that someone who will love me for only me( inspite of this seizure disorder) in a way that is decent and pure of heart?

 
Old 09-12-2007, 12:31 PM   #2
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Re: How do I know when i find that good and kind decent special someone for me?

You have to be comfortable and confidant with yourself, and know that your seizures are just something you have, not something you are first- no relationship will last while you're still working through all of that (and that is so normal- so that is good that you're asking the questions- but put the whole gotta-get-a-guy thing on the back burner until you can deal with your own seizure disorder).

Someone who knows about your seizures, and doesn't treat you like you do is a big clue. If someone baby's you, or wants to rescue you, or treat you like you're sick all the time- run for the hills !!! They are taking care of their own needs, not being a part of a two way relationship. If someone wants to talk about your seizures all the time- or lets you talk about them all the time to the exclusion of anything else being a part of your time together is a bigtime red flag for LOSER !!! They need to be supportive and caring, kind and encouraging, and most of all see you for more than some diagnosis. That is such a small part of what makes you who you are, and if they can't see that, dump them like garbage down the disposal

 
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Old 09-12-2007, 12:58 PM   #3
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bevin 30 HB User
Smile Re: How do I know when i find that good and kind decent special someone for me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by neurowreck View Post
You have to be comfortable and confidant with yourself, and know that your seizures are just something you have, not something you are first- no relationship will last while you're still working through all of that (and that is so normal- so that is good that you're asking the questions- but put the whole gotta-get-a-guy thing on the back burner until you can deal with your own seizure disorder).

Someone who knows about your seizures, and doesn't treat you like you do is a big clue. If someone baby's you, or wants to rescue you, or treat you like you're sick all the time- run for the hills !!! They are taking care of their own needs, not being a part of a two way relationship. If someone wants to talk about your seizures all the time- or lets you talk about them all the time to the exclusion of anything else being a part of your time together is a bigtime red flag for LOSER !!! They need to be supportive and caring, kind and encouraging, and most of all see you for more than some diagnosis. That is such a small part of what makes you who you are, and if they can't see that, dump them like garbage down the disposal
thank you neuro wreck for clarifying the pit falls I really need to avoid in a relationship . you gave me very good advice. I thankyou for being the only one to be brave and kind enough too answer this question. I appreciate all of your advice and help . I can see things more clearly now. bevin

 
Old 09-12-2007, 02:37 PM   #4
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aussie308 HB User
Re: How do I know when i find that good and kind decent special someone for me?

I agree completely with what neurowreck said. A good man who truly wants to love and support you in a proper way will take the time to learn what your needs are and how to fullfill them without smothering you or ignoring them.

I am so lucky that my hubby has the patience of Jobe and listened and learned along with me. He lets me do the things I am able to or feel I am able even if he's uncomfortable with them sometimes because he knows I don't need to be smothered. But, by the same token I tend to overdo and push myself and he knows when I need to slow down, and will tell me so. It's a hard adjustment for both parties but it can and does happen.

You also need someone who you can talk to about how you both feel about dealing with your seizures. There needs to be open and honest communication on both parts if you intend to have a long term relatonship.

good luck and hope you find a true angel like I did.

 
Old 09-12-2007, 05:44 PM   #5
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bevin 30 HB User
Re: How do I know when i find that good and kind decent special someone for me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by aussie308 View Post
I agree completely with what neurowreck said. A good man who truly wants to love and support you in a proper way will take the time to learn what your needs are and how to fullfill them without smothering you or ignoring them.

I am so lucky that my hubby has the patience of Jobe and listened and learned along with me. He lets me do the things I am able to or feel I am able even if he's uncomfortable with them sometimes because he knows I don't need to be smothered. But, by the same token I tend to overdo and push myself and he knows when I need to slow down, and will tell me so. It's a hard adjustment for both parties but it can and does happen.

You also need someone who you can talk to about how you both feel about dealing with your seizures. There needs to be open and honest communication on both parts if you intend to have a long term relatonship.

good luck and hope you find a true angel like I did.
thankyou aussie 308 for such an inspiring explination and letting me know that it takes a give and take on both parts and thank you for letting me know that their needs to be honesty and openess in the relationship about how each of us feels about this problem and how it needs to be handled. I will find my angel as you inspiringly say not to far in my future but for now i need to deal with this problem myself and feel comfortable in my self and not feel any different than i used to . I need time for myself right now til I can pick the right sort of man to date. I will be better off If i take time to get myself back on track. then i can work on my love life from a stronger stand point. bevin

 
Old 09-13-2007, 04:49 AM   #6
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aussie308 HB User
Re: How do I know when i find that good and kind decent special someone for me?

I'm glad to see you're feeling better and more optimistic. You'll get there. And you are very right. You need to know yourself and be comfortable with you and know what you need before you can share your life with someone else and help them to learn your needs. You're on your way.

 
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