Need help getting my girlfriend to workout-serious
I love my 34 year old girlfriend regardless of how she looks. I have come to this board to ask this question because i understand the sensitivity in this area for most women and i want to take the best angle psycologically to ensure i don't offend her. Over time she has put on some weight and has become soft. She is developing a small stomach and i think has become comfortable with me which kind of hurts my feelings because i try to stay in tip top condition so she has the best boyfriend possible! (in the scope of physicality) This is an area where i am sensitive as you can see. I simply am devoted to my girlfriend and love for who she is but i want HER to want to be her best for ME. I thought if anybody is going to get it, you girls will. Thats why i am asking for your help. How would you get moitivated to hit the gym? What would your boyfriend have to say to motivate you? I want her looking her best for me...shes my woman, i am her biggest fan. I want to look at my woman and say damn I want her to want that for me.
Re: Need help getting my girlfriend to workout-serious
wow, please reread my post......it should be refreshing that i come and post on this board in hopes of approaching my girlfriend the right way....I DO NOT WANT A TROPHY GIRLFRIEND. I want my girlfriend to WANT to be the best for me. I want her to look amazing for herself. SHE doesn't feel good be heavier either and she needs motivation. And, please don't accuse me of being shallow...there is NOTHING wrong with wanting YOUR girlfriend to be great for herself and for your pleasure. Please, does anyone have a good angle on this?
Re: Need help getting my girlfriend to workout-serious
LB23,
brattybrunette and viccles have written good responses. Here's another response from a woman.
You say you love your girlfriend "regardless of how she looks". But you actually want her to look different than she does. Where does the word "regardless" come in? What dictionary are you getting your definition from?
I think you should be honest with yourself and with your girlfriend. You want her to sculpt her body to please you. You should tell her the truth.
I think you should tell her that you are so displeased with how she looks that you posted on a forum to the world that you want her to be different. Personally, I DON'T think it's "refreshing that i come and post on this board in hopes of approaching my girlfriend the right way".
Then you should let her find a boyfriend who actually in fact DOES like her for herself "regardless of how she looks". And you should look for a trophy girlfriend.
Re: Need help getting my girlfriend to workout-serious
LB...women aren't gonna be able to help you here. As a man, I understand where you're coming from.
The fact of the matter is, you can't motivate her. She has to want it herself. However, you could try telling her you want her to go to the gym with you since you are both getting older and you want her to be healthy and fit for many,many more years together. Tell her you want to spend time with her, stay fit, and lose stress all at the same time. Get a family gym membership together and try to find a time you can both go together.
Could work...but if she doesn't care about her body...then theres nothing you can do to motivate her.
Re: Need help getting my girlfriend to workout-serious
The responses are overwhelming. Do we not acknowledge that the physical work in conjunction with the emotional and spiritual qualities. Why do we always never talk about the physical in the sense we talk about the other qualities.....because we think its shallow and we think of it as vanity. Especially in this situation in which i am a guy-expressing concern for her condition and look- and she a female who is not feeling 100% because of the way she looks anyway. Is there anyone who will argue if she did feel good about the way she looked, her emotional and spiritual side would fair better?! They would because they are all interdependant on one another. I want her to be better............NOT A TROPHY.
Re: Need help getting my girlfriend to workout-serious
thankyou for the reply HUSKY. At this point i think that might be the only option. Its hard motivating someone who just doesn't want to change the way they look for the better so they can actually FEEL AND LOOK better.
Re: Need help getting my girlfriend to workout-serious
hey lb
i see what you mean and yes, i am probably going to be bashed by female members,but whatever.
i know what you are saying.The problem is that it is difficult to express what you mean especially in a situation like this (in a forum).
anyway, what i would suggest is maybe doing some light exercise together like a nice brisk walk (on the beach maybe) the later a slow jog ( i know it might be too easy for you, but in order to start you have to allow her to start very slowly). the key here would be how you treat her (show her that you are madly in love with her) and location (i.e take her to a beautiful area and exercise there). try to make her understand that you would like to exercise TOGETHER with her (as a way of bonding) just like she maybe would want the 2 of you to go on a picnic or something. you could even maybe cycle together to a nice quiet place and spend "together-time" having a nice lunch or so.
okay, i probably sound corny, but as a woman myself, i would want to exercise with my boyfriend.
Re: Need help getting my girlfriend to workout-serious
LB,
Your statement “She’s my woman”.. to a woman reads – she is my property. For ages women have been judged by “their man” and told these same things about their appearance. Usually this guy will be sliding in looks also, i.e., beer belly gut, etc.
That being said, you can’t make her want to change. Invite her to the gym so you can spend time together, not so she can live up to your physical expectations of her. If she goes, great – if not, maybe she isn’t the girl for you. Trust me, if you tell her you “want her to want to be the best for me”… you will be sorry.
Re: Need help getting my girlfriend to workout-serious
Ankh-good advice...by packaging it well you make the transition more palitable for the woman and even more interesting and fun.
Yorkie- you obviously don't know me that well then. I am a fan of MY WOMAN. Its not expressing property.wow a lot of women love to group all men's way of thinking together....thats ignorant. But i will try to invite her to excercise in some "fun" sort of way and let her decide.
Re: Need help getting my girlfriend to workout-serious
Quote:
Originally Posted by LB23
Ankh-good advice...by packaging it well you make the transition more palitable for the woman and even more interesting and fun.
Yorkie- you obviously don't know me that well then. I am a fan of MY WOMAN. Its not expressing property.wow a lot of women love to group all men's way of thinking together....thats ignorant. But i will try to invite her to excercise in some "fun" sort of way and let her decide.
I'm terribly sorry, my "ignorant" remarks were not meant to offend. Just a general observation on how "some" women might take your comments.
Re: Need help getting my girlfriend to workout-serious
HI LB,
I think I can understand your POV although you have to recognize for your girlfriend that may not be her priority. If she's healthy and this is purely a looks issue rather than a health concern, her POV might be that you should be more accepting of people not being perfect in some areas. There's no right or wrong really just different points of view.
If she doesn't exercise at all then definitely suggest it as a way to spend time together and think of things that involve being active that she would consider enjoyable (sports, dancing (now there's a great exercise that men hate to do LOL) Don't pressure her though woman are always primarily judged on the way they look much more than men and it gets old pretty quick. Good Luck
Re: Need help getting my girlfriend to workout-serious
I've been down this road as well. You really can't say anything. What you can do is what others said - cook healthy meals together, do athletic type things (go hiking rather than to the beach for example), don't take her to places that encourage unhealthy habits. Don't vocalize it. She has to make her own decisions. If she still will not make changes, you have to ask yourself do you REALLY love her for who she is, or are you just kidding yourself to make yourself feel better about it? If you really do love her, tough luck. If not, come to terms with it.
Re: Need help getting my girlfriend to workout-serious
Like already mentioned, start doing healthy things togethor. Start it off slow though. Start playing tennis, rollerblading, walking/jogging togethor in the park, etc. Then you can start inviting her to the gym with you to see how she likes it.
I understand what you're intentions are but you could've perhaps used better words to phrase your initial post which is why you're under attack by some members. My girlfriend started putting on some weight and she had a gym membership and wasn't using it. I didn't want to upset her in any way but I also wanted her to be healthy. So I would merely mention that if you have something you should use it and not let it go to waste (her gym membership). I never went further than that though. Thankfully, she's been going to the gym again regularly because of a friend's upcoming wedding that she wants to look good for. But you can't push anything upon her or anyone. If someone doesn't want to do something then they won't. Introduce her to it, see how she reacts and take it from there. But start off slow...
__________________
Shelton Benjamin -- "Ain't No Stoppin Me Now!!!"
Re: Need help getting my girlfriend to workout-serious
I agree with Ankh, and I'm another female who's not going to bash you....
But I also have a question - you mentioned that SHE feels badly about her weight and that it is bringing HER down as well. How do you know that? Has she come right out and told you? If so, then there was a tremendous missed opportunity right there.
IF she mentions feeling a little down about her appearance or weight, you need to take THAT very moment (since she initiated the conversation) to tell her that she is beautiful in your eyes no matter what, but you want to help her feel good about herself and will do whatever it takes to make that happen. Then, make the suggestions about walking togehter, working out together, etc. But the important thing is to focus on the fact that it is for HER and that she is still beautiful to you either way.
My husband used to make gentle hints to me (years ago when I was carrying post-baby weight around) about how I needed to do something active and he was worried about my health, etc. While he never mentioned my appearance, I KNEW what he *really* meant. But I took it to heart because for me personally, I want MY MAN (what's the big deal with that phrase - so what) to be proud of me and the way I look. No, obviously I don't want that to be the ONLY thing he likes about me, but yes - I want to walk into a party, etc. and have his friends, business colleagues, etc. say to themselves "Wow, he's got a nice looking wife." That's important to me.
Another thought, is that sometimes when we are comfortable with ourselves and our relationships, we don't realize how big we've gotten, or how out of shape. I know that was true for me in years past. I just didn't see it - until I got motivated and fixed it. Then I was able to look back at pictures and say - Holy SH!^!!
Good luck, you are right, it is a difficult situation, and I don't belive your original post was ill-intended. I just think the initial responses highlight it's "touchiness"!
Re: Need help getting my girlfriend to workout-serious
wow...some great advice from everyone...really. "Twiceblessed" - she DOES feel like crap, so when she sais that i will take the oppurtunity. Your state of mind is one i would love her to have. Taking pride in herself for herself AND me. Both parties should want to appeal to each other the most emotionally, spiritually, and physically. On my end, i take care of all those ends.
So now, I will take everyones advice, choose an angle and tell you how it goes.
Re: Need help getting my girlfriend to workout-serious
Yes, you really, really, really, really need to NOT let her think you want her to look better for you, at ALL, even if your reasoning is that you're a little insecure and would feel better knowing that she wants to be her best for you. Making her do that is the same as girls trying to manipulate guys into buying flowers and "being more romantic." It's not genuine if it doesn't come from the person, and the person alone.
If she ever gets any idea whatsoever that you are anything but pleased with her appearance, she may never be able to let go of that. Even if she does lose weight, a part of her might always wonder if she's "good enough," etc. etc. I'm not saying this is definitely going to happen, but it's a real possibility.
But it sounds like the core issue here is really about feeling more secure in your relationship, knowing that your girlfriend truly loves you and wants to express her feelings in as many ways as possible. Maybe these are issues you could work on together... without you having to bring weight into the equation.
If she is dissatisfied with her shape, she doesn't need you to motivate her. You can be supportive, but that is IT... if you seem "too supportive," she'll begin to feel the pressure.. and many of us women are really sensitive to that..
Re: Need help getting my girlfriend to workout-serious
well put "wanderingsoul". Letting it come from within her is right, i know SHE has to want it. Its always nice to have the ideas reinforced by another woman, thanks. I will do my best.
Re: Need help getting my girlfriend to workout-serious
I wish I had time to read through all of the responses. I will offer my POV as a woman with a husband who has gained a significant amount of weight. I stay fit and eat very healthy. The only thing I can do for him is to cook healthy food for him and encourage an active lifestyle. I really do love him no matter what he looks like, but my concern is more for health reasons. He has a strong family history of heart attacks and cancer. I've used that angle, among many others, to approach him, but bottom line is he has to want it.
I do understand where you are coming from, on all levels.
I want her to want that for me.
Re: Need help getting my girlfriend to workout-serious 
