Hi I new to this board.
I'll try to make this story short.
Hubby got hurt 3 years ago. Had Back fusion surgery, in constant pain. Was put on oxycontin 2 years ago by pain managment doctor. He was addicted and was abusing the ways and amounts of meds he would take. Always running out before next appointment .
Finally doc caught on and kicked him out and he went through serious withdrawls. I never thought I'd ever witness that in my life. Our 4 kids also saw it. I hate him and I love him.
He got off it for 3 months and realized just how bad it had his life, Then he went to a new doctor for pain, They did MRI and nerve conductions the results all the same, nerve damage and pain forever and even though they knew he had an addiction problem they gave him the oxy again and he took it after promising he would not, and my dumb_-_ believed him.
So its been 3 weeks on the stuff again................Hell is back
Low and behold last night it hit me why he was acting weird not sleeping pacing the floors. HE OUT OF MEDS A WEEK EARLY AGAIN. The cylce begins again and I cant take it anymore. I dont know what to do. I know I have to call his pysciatrist or the pain doctor. I am just lost. He takes care of our kids while I work and I am stressed to no end of his crap. I know he is in pain but the pain is the same with or without meds, he just wants the high.
Right now hes lying in bed restless not sleeping and going through withdrawls again.None of the doctors are in until tuesday I think I need to call his shrink.
What do I do?
Welcome..this is very sad-for both you/family..
Chronic pain-is a double edged sword-you need the meds to function-but the meds are highly addictive..
How do you find the common ground??
Have you considered-doling out his meds-so he doesn't run out-or he could get his s****t by the week-since his Drs. know his addiction issues-
It doesn't matter who you are-background etc..opiates are so highly addictive-taking a short course-can start the addiction process...
Many people here-have exp. the same thing-
there is also a pain management board-here..where others like your husband are dealing w/ having to use addictive meds to control pain.
I know this may seem frustrating to you-but the meds become all encompassing-due to when you are not on them-you are w/d or ill-and in pain.
Please check in-to the other board too-for more info-and im sure you'll get some more replys..
I'm not sure if you'd be comfortable being the one to hold his meds and dole them out, but that is a good idea if he would go for it.
If you don't want to get in the middle of that, I read somewhere about a type of safe that holds medication that only opens at preset times. You put the medication in, set it only to open every 6 hours or whatever and then that's it. You cannot get into it except when it opens on schedule. I WISH I could remember where I saw that!!! If I find it, I will come back and post the link.
Good luck - I really feel for you and HIM. The chronic pain/opiate/addiction cycle is HELL.....
thanks for your replies.
YES i have doled out his meds to him and he got very angry with me and started getting very angry at me , telling me I am not his mom etc...
He even agreed to be goiving him his daily dose. SO no that did not work.
I dont really know what to do. I just talked to his dad who had no idea of this cycle and what his son has REALLY been going through for 2 years. Hubby calls his dad every other day and still his dad knew nothing in fact his dad only heard cover ups. He said I ought to talk to his doctors. I feel that I need to this time around. I know he will hate me but I have to. I cant watch him go through this cycle every month. The weekly meds sounds like a good idea.
I am so sorry to hear about your difficult situation. If you are reluctant to dole out his medication because of his behaviors, then maybe contacting his doctors isn't a bad idea. It is good to read that his father is aware of the situation as well. It helps to have all the support you can get. Dealing with the anger issue certainly takes its toll on a person, especially when all that person is doing is trying to help. You will be in my thoughts and I wish you the best of luck. Keep talking to the people here...they offer wonderful support.
YES i have doled out his meds to him and he got very angry with me and started getting very angry at me , telling me I am not his mom etc....
That's what I figured
That's why I suggested another route if you were not comfortable with being the one to hold the meds cause that can cause a huge strain on your marriage.
He does need support but the decision ultimately has to come from him. Please let him know how his use affects everyone around him. Sometimes addicts are so self-involved they don't even realize they are hurting people. I wish you luck and will pray that he can find a non-narcotic method of dealing with his pain!
Sorry for what you are going through.
I know what I went through. The only reason why I quit using was because of my family. I am married and have a 2 year old daughter. I hid my addiction from my husband for 2 years, he was always kinda suspicious, but he trusted me. Finally he found out what was really going on. He gave me 2 options-
Quit doing drugs, or get out of our lives.
No matter how messed up I was, I still loved my family, and never wanted to lose them. I always knew in the back of my mind that I had to quit, but I never did. I would always say "just one more, than I'm done", but it never happend. When my husband told me that, I knew I was done. If drugs are more important to him than his family, he will never quit. If he really does truely love his family, he will do what it best. Don't give him excuesses, because it will never end. I'm sure he is in pain, maybe you should look in to alternate pain management for him. All pain meds do is mess you up so you forget about ALL your pain. Help your husband with pain management, but make him quit taking pain meds.
Pain meds are a temporary measure to relieve serious pain. They are not for continuous use. They will eventually take over you life, once you start using them in any manner not indicated on the perscription you are asking for trouble. If you can't stick to the doctors instructions, you are not a good candidate for opiates, plain and simple. You have to do whatever you have to in order to get your husband back. He may not like it, and in fact, he won't like it. I didn't like it either, but when my wife gave me an ultimatum, it was just what I needed to shake me from my fog. I was ruining my life and the lives of my family. Even though I'm stabilized and no longer abuse or use opiates at all, I still live with tremendous guilt and shame. The sooner he gets on the road to recovery the better.
Thank you everyone.
Its mean so much to me. This has been the toughest thing I have ever had to deal with to date. My husbands addiction is ruining our family and it has for almost 3 years.
His pain management appt and shrink appt are thursday. He says things will be better then, yeah because he thinks they are going to give him the oyx again.
Please pray they dont.
It is his 5th day off the oxy and he has been badgering all of us. His moods are like a roller coaster. This is actually worse that the last time he came off them. He had other drugs last time to get through it this time was cold turkey. I cant even count the times I have watch him withdrawl from missuse of his script.
I am affraid of the hate I have taking over the love I have. He hurt me and the kids. I dont want to raise my kids like this anymore. But I am affraid If im not around he will just OD.
I did what I had to do today and made the calls to the both doctors offices. He dont know that yet? I asked if they could do it in a way where I dont have to be revealed as the snitch because he also has an anger problem and that it would not be good for me later that day after his appts. So he has no clue when he goes to those appts that they all know about the abuse. His shrinks office is peeved. But I think this is tough love and its my last stand. After this he will have to leave our home or I will leave with my kids. We deserve better.
Thank you for all your support, posting here helps me vent so I dont fall apart
Have any of his docs tried anything other than opiates to try and relieve his pain?I am really quite suprised that any pain doc would put someone back onto a drug that they were once addicted to.That was not the brightest move there.I am also an addict who suffers with unbelievable pain.This is due to a spinal cord injury that resuled in two extreme pain syndromes,RSD and central pain.Both have heights of pain that are truely undescribable at times.I do have to take narcotics to help deal with my pain levels,but that is also along with many other types of meds and doing different therepies.I also have been able to maintain the very strict guidelines set by my pain doc in the contract that I signed with him.if I vary from that contract in any way, I will be terminated.My family is also very aware of my situation and the amount of meds that I am taking and what should be there when anyone of them asks if they can count them.I have nothing to hide and all my meds are where they should be.
now, in your hubbys case, his docs really did him a big disservice by putting him back onto the OC.They should have tried him out on anything else but that med.There are many other meds out there that could have been tried first.But he really sounds as though he is wayyy out of control here and would not be able to handle the many restrictions involved in maintaining himself on narcotics.He needs to get off the narcotics completely at this point and onto something like methadone,or a combo of other pain meds that are availiable to treat pain like the anti siezure meds and antideppressants.There is also an implantable pain pump and stimulators that can do a great job in controlling pain.
When you are a chronic pain patient and also a recovering addict,you walk a very very fine line if you are also needing narcotics just to be able to get out of bed in the morning because of overwhelming pain.this is my world right now.i was clean for many many years until things happened with my neck and a glob of blood vessels that was bleeding was also found inside of my spinal cord.My surgeries and the reasons for my surgeries were causing some pretty overwhelming pain.After a very long talk with my primary doc who is well aware of my history,it was decided that i would try narcotic meds with some very strict guidelines.This actually worked for me and is still working for me now whlie i am in pain management.(it has actually been about three years now)i have many more rules and regulations that I have to follow now that most of my docs patients don't.But i am able to maintain my dosages with no slip ups.I am actually very proud of myself in this but I also know that the possibility for relapse is always lurking in the background if i get too comfortable with this.The fact that I could lose my pain doc really scares the hell out of me and really helps me stay on track cuz without the meds I am currently on, i would have absolutely no life whatso ever.Unfortunetly for your husband, he was given this second chance by his pain doc to see if he could stay on the meds at the proper dosages.If he is an addict, his pain that he states he has could very well be quite a bit less than he actually states it is.i know when I think of the possibility of going even one day without my meds at my current pain levels, it scares me enough that i don't even think of taking more than my Rxed daily dose.Unfortunetly, it is almost immpossible at this point to really know just how bad your husbands actual pain really is as he will try a different med at some point and if he does not 'feel" the opiate high of his former meds,even if the med actually works well for him, he will most likely state that it does not,just so his doc might put him back on the narcotics.
Your husband definitely needs treatment in an inpatient facility but the big problem there is that most places wont take a pain patient who is addicted to pain meds as they really have no way of addressing the pain.I would think that by now, in this day and age, there would be at least some treatment facilitys that would treat a chronic pain patient who has become addicted to thier meds.Those types of facilities were not availiable way back in the late 80's when i was in treatment.I think that the best thing for you to do at this point would be to talk with his pain doc yourself and explain the situation and his immediate need for intervention.Your hubby most likely will not be happy with you for doing this right now, but hopefully,once he gets himself clean, he will see just how bad he was and that you did what you had to do to save him from himself.I wish you lots and lots of luck in getting him to where he needs to be.This life he continues to live will only get much worse without your intervention and the help of some good docs who deal with this and know what to do.please keep us posted on what happens.i will say a prayer for you and your family and hope that your husband "sees" the need for help.Marcia
11-20-01,placement of hardware for failed fusion
9-22-03,removal of cavernous hemangioma that was inside spinal cord. Neuro damage to L hand L leg and R leg.
I hope all goes well. You and your children DO deserve better than this, but remember these drugs are turning your husband into a person that he is not. I know you feel like your love is turning into hate, but it's the drugs you hate, not your husband. These drugs are controlling all of his actions and emotions. If your husband quits abusing his meds, both his, yours, and your childrens lives will soon be back on track to a healthy life. I also know it is hard to do what is best, but remember it is the best for all in the long run.
Hi there. I am sorry to hear about your husband. I know your struggle as I am the one who you wrote regarding my sister's addiction to oxycodone. During her last crisis, I did find a rehab. that also addresses chronic pain conditions. I don't know where you live but this hospital is in San Angelo Texas. If you are interested I will post the internet address. They have a full time addictionologist who can help deal with the addiction. They give medications to help the person go through withdrawls. They also have a doctor who specializes in chronic pain. My sister truly does have migraines. But, she is not a candidate for opiates as she has deviated from taking them correctly. The hard part is getting them to see this. I have found that I can reach my sister better when she is going through withdrawls as she feels helpless. Once she gets the meds. she is on cloud nine and will justify her reasons for staying on them. I know that if she runs out this next month(she got her pills today) and she probably will we are going to set up an intervention with a trained professional(we have to find one first). I will pray for you and your family. Hang in there. You are not alone in this frustrating battle.
I went to both of his appts with him todays. He owned up to abusing his meds at the shrinks office and to being depressed and they changed all his anti depressants immediately. The counselor was who we saw ,the shrink was not there today but did call him as soon as we left to find out was the heck was going on.
The pain manangemnet doctor got my message and he came in the room and discussed all the options my husband has as far as meds he can take. He honsestly has tried everything but swears nothing works like the Oxy's, yeah well nothing else get him high. The doctor gave him the the oxys even with my disgust that he clearly addressed. Dr. told me I know your not happy but Hubby is his patient and has to go with his side. UN REAL. I said he will be causing a divorce.
Doc said next month he is off the Oxys and back onto fentynol patches and apparently back and forth so they work better. They wont give him and other meds with either of the drugs so I guess thats a blessing but i feel like I failed.
I made an appt for myself at his shrinks office, I think now I will need help.
I failed my kids and my relationship is doomed. The counselor told me if I have to kick him out then do it. plain and simple. I feel like no one heard me today just like he dont hear me ever.
Now I am depressed.
thank you again to all.
I will continue to post here about the situation
You did NOT fail.His Dr failed him and you.I would really consider the possibility of seeing another doc at this point.It is just not right for any dr to keep feeding an addiction like he currently is.when drugs are ruining relationships and causing the overwhelming emotional pain like you are dealing with here, to me, it almost seems like negligence or a malpractice of medicine to continue this form of drug therepy.unfortunetly, the choice of Drs is up to your husband and not you.This Dr could possibly lose his license if somthing should happen because he is continuing to Rx very strong opiates to someone who is very very clearly addicted to them.it is wonderful that your husbands pain doc is a very commpassionate man,these types of Drs are too few and far between when a true chronic pain pt is trying to find a good pain doc to try and get some relief and get their life back.But this doc is clearly wayyy over the line in his Rxing pratices.
you are very very right in feeling that no one heard you at that appt,as no one did.i would actually document what was said and done at that appt just in case something happens down the line.you are really on the right track here in taking care of yourself.Right now, your main priority is to yourself and your children.You have to take care of yourself first in order to be able to handle everything else.And you DO need someone to talk to who is strictly on your side here.You ARE doing the right things, really.As far as kicking your hubby out the door?go for it. once he sees that you are not willing to go on with the way things are and have been in the past, it may wake him up to the fact that he is losing all of the things that were once the most imporant things in his life.By not doing something drastic here your husband figures that he can continue this way of life forever,despite all of the negative consequences.By taking control of this situation,hopefully he will eventually see where this is all headed.Desperate times call for desperate measures.unfortunetly, your husband has pushed you to do this.it will not be easy but then again, anything really worth having is never easy is it?Seeing a good therepist will help you to form a good plan in taking control and being able to maintain it.I would also talk with your new therepist about this Drs Rxing practices to see what he or she thinks about this in an ethical sort of way.I just cannot see the logic in what this pain doc continues to do.If this doc was not treating other pain patients who would suffer through hell if he was not there, I would tell you to contact your local chapter of the AMA and report him.He is not doing any favors here for your husband.maybe you could contact them in an annonymous sort of way and ask their opinion about your hubbys doc and the fact that he continues to Rx to a patient who is so very clearly addicted to the meds.This is just not right at all.
I wish you luck and the strength to get through all of what you have to deal with here.just remember that you have children to think about first.They come before your husband, not after.You need to do what is best for you and your kids.please keep us posted.marcia
hi , im wondering why are you so mad at him .people have problems when pain rules your life.undermedicated people tend to act like addicts may be he needs a higher dose of pain meds to sableize him and keep him from self medicating.my experiance is that once i was titrated to a stable dose i didnt need to self medicate. be more understanding . dont throw away all you and him have built.marriage is hard he;s hurting and dealing with the stuggel(sp) of trying to help his pain and not let the pills control his life.if he;s like me his wife and kids are his whole world.dont quit on him its just a small time in your marriage.i hope that you and him can come together and fix this .give it time dont bail yet.he needs you .good luck a.j