I have been reading many of your posts over the past week. This is my first time to post a message. So much of what has been said has really, really helped me & hit home to me. I really have gained strength from thghtsreal and a 23 year old kid Catatonic.
My 19 year old son is an oxycontin addict. I just found out about this addiction a few weeks ago. So I am very, very new at this. He graduated from high school last year (it was a struggle because he was having other problems, maybe drugs at the time too!). He left to college right after high school graduation. His second time home for any length was the end of April. The whole household was a little uptight about his return. Things just don't "seem right" when he is here. Anyway, we were very busy planning a May wedding for an older daughter. But not to busy to notice that something crazy and suspicious was going on around us & through our home & our son seemed very bizzarre when he would leave & then return. Something bad was up & we could feel it. But we had to maintain the peace to get through the wedding & enjoy the wedding & not let the behavior of this son, "Rain on our daughter's parade." Soon after the wedding our son went to visit someone at college. He called and asked if I could get him into the summer semester and I did! I was happy to have him go and felt that he knew things weren't "Good for him" here so I felt he was making a "Good decision" (joke's on me, those are far and few between.) As he was packing he asked me to help him find his shoes. I looked under his bed and saw a cookie sheet. I started to pull it from under his bed and said, "There's my cookie sheet." He grabbed at it and took something. But I got the needle (used, blood & all), a razor blade, & an old license of his. Of course he had an excuse, he was giving so & so a steroid shot..yada..yada.. I was so upset about the fact that he would give someone an illegal shot!! He left for college that day. I vowed he would never return to our house. We also have a teenage daughter & younger son.
Well, as anyone reading this with experience knows, a differtent story soon unfolded and is in the process of unfolding. But what has come out is enough for me to know that my son is an addict.
I have lots of questions but one question I would love someone to answer is, How far has an addiciton progressed if you are already shooting up? Could that happen in a matter of 6 weeks?????????
Also, a bit of advice from me. Beware of the good kids from the "good families", the good looking ones, with "all the brains & athletic abilities", the ones who seem to have it all have found oxycontin and they like it.
Thanks for listening,
Hello sad mom,
Boy was I glad I didn't just skip over your post. I come here for advice and support for myself due to my 18 year old heroin addict son, so sometimes if I see a post that doesn't look like it has to do with a parent or child, I don't always read them. I know I should read them all because everyone here has helped me so much, but I don't always have time.
Anyway, Welcome and keep coming here because you have come to a great place for advice and support. One thing I will tell you, and please don't wait as long as I did, get yourself and your husband (if you are married) to an alanon meeting, and see if you can find one that says parent meeting, because everyone there will have a child that is an alcoholic, drug addict,or both, and it will do you a world of good and make a world of difference in how you will deal with this, not only for yourself, but for the rest of your family and from what I have learn, in the end, help your child by not enabling him.
My son, as I have learned over the past few months, started with oxy-cotin. Good kid from a good family, but always picked the kids with not so good families to hang out with, not quite sure why??? Anyway, he has adhd and struggled in highschool, finally went to an alternative ed highschool where he did great academically. We thought it was a godsend, but looking back, I guess they are really putting 90 kids who can't function in a regular school environment into one building, and guess what happened there. Probably 90 kids doing drugs together, but doing well academically.
Of course the oxy's are too expensive, so somebody turned his girlfriend, himself and of course, everyone else he was hanging with on to heroin and that is where our story is going right now. We suspected, even home drug tested him, not quite sure how they came out negative, but he said we just happened to catch him in between, but he eventually got arrested for posession and when I went to pick him up at the police station he admitted he had a problem. Two days later we had him admitted to a detox. It was not pretty, 7 hours into full withdrawals is not something any mother wants to see her son go through, but he survived and they put him on suboxone and cholodine and within a few hours he felt great. The problem was, they sent him home with nothing and didn't tell him he would withdraw from those meds. He chose to do outpatient, what did we know, we let him have the choice, and that lastest 1 week because he couldn't handle the withdrawals and knew what would fix it. Got arrested again and we told him he had one chance to do outpatient and blew it, now he was going inpatient. He has been in rehab since July 5th and will be home on August 5th. We have made it very clear that next time we will take his car, his keys, hand him his clothes and his insurance card and lock the door until he can come back and make the right choices.
This past 5 or 6 weeks, could be longer, I have lost track of time living in this hell, have been the worst weeks of my life, until I went to my first alanon meeting. I have only attended 2 meetings, but my entire attitude, people have even noticed my tone of voice and my entire outlook have changed in this past week since I begain going. I have already learned that it's o.k. for me to be happy, I'm not making these choices, and that I have no control over what his choices will be, whether the drugs, or his god awful relationship with his girlfriend, but I need to go on and live my life as I have made it and enjoy the choices I have made. I will continue to go to alanon, and my husband goes with me, until I feel that I truly do not need it anymore, and that may very well be many years to come depending on how he does.
I don't know about the shooting thing. My son, fortunatley, has always been terrified of needles and some of his friends were shooting it, but he never got that far. He has said, after being in detox and rehab and all the blood they have taken and t.b. tests, that they probably cured that and he has a fear that if he use again, he's afraid he may not be as afraid of needles as he once was. Scarey huh??? I have heard that most start by snorting and then turn to shooting because they need more and more, so chances are he's been doing it for much longer then six weeks.
Where is he now? Are you sticking to him never being allowed to live home again? Has he admitted to haveing a problem and does he want help? My son swears he is done and that he never wants to use again, but I learned they all say that while they are in rehab, he also says he's done with his girlfriend, which would make it 75% easier for him to get through this as far as I'm concerned, but the test will be when he comes home. there are times I wish I had the strength to say he can never come home again, but I'm not at that point yet. I do feel I could be strong enough to come to that if pushed though, which is a good thing, because I have gained a lot of strength through all of this that I never thought I could have.
Please write back and I hope something I have said has helped. It is a terrible, terrible road to be going down and I don't wish it on my worst enemy. Never in my wildest dreams could I have ever imagined that this would be a part of parenting
Hold on. We will help you get through this trouble with your son. Many of us including KFld, JoanHarvest, and others have gone through what you are going through right now. It isn't over for any of us, but we help each other get through it. I will try to help you with some information so that you can better understand the situation with your son who is using Oxycontin (if I understand correctly, he is injecting Oxy). My son started using Oxy at 15 years old. He is seventeen now. He was injecting Oxy. He has tried every drug I have ever heard of and more including crack, meth, and others. He has been in jail for several months now (arrested for possession of a BUNCH of Oxy), but he still bubbles when he talks about the glorious Oxy high. He says that Oxy is bigger, stronger, and more potent than any of the other drugs.
First, it is important for you to really take to heart that your son's drug use is not your fault. Nothing you have ever done can justify his decision to use drugs - and use them again. It is also important for you to resign yourself to the fact that there is very little you can do to get him off drugs. You can spend all your energy and all of your money and all of your time and it will all be for nothing if he does not REALLY REALLY want to stop by himself. The cure comes from within the addict.
You are right to follow your instincts about your son. It is easier to ignore the signs and believe the lies, but it sets you up for a greater fall when the truth is revealed.
What is Oxy? Oxy is a very refined synthetic opiate - like a super refined form of heroin. It is the grandaddy of the drug world today and is one of the most powerfully addictive drugs available. I have heard many users say that Oxy is more addictive than crack cocaine or meth. It is baffling that a drug this potent and this addictive could be so easily available thanks to the cozy relationship between the drug companies and the US Food and Drug Administration.
What is the use and progression? Users usually start off by chewing the pill and swallowing it. Soon after that, they start crushing the pills and snorting the powdered pill. This allows the user to override the time-release feature of the pill and get the sudden opiate rush. The drivers license you found is typical because credit cards and similar cards are often used to crush the pill as are razor blades which are also used to cut pills in half so they can cut one 40 pill into two twenties, for example. When your son spends a lot of time in the bathroom and it sounds like he is taking the lid off the toilet - he probably is. The ceramic is a convenient and perfect tray for cutting/crushing the pill and the privacy of the locked toilet is desireable.
Injecting oxy is a great leap for most and the future of an addict who has crossed this line is every bit as dismal as any heroin addict. Indeed, a user who is injecting Oxy IS essentially a heroin addict. The difference is that Oxy is pre-measured and gives a predictable amount of opiate. Street heroin is cut with other 'junk' and has unpredictable amounts of opiates. This is why many heroin addicts eventually die from overdose - they anticipate the drug being cut, they adjust their hit up, and when they get some dope that is a bit higher grade, they take too much.
Many users who inject Oxy make the switch to heroin pretty quick. Oxy is expensive compared with street heroin. Users who made the committment to inject are usually so far down the path that the drug by any name makes no difference to them.
I doubt that your son has only been using Oxy for six weeks if he is injecting. Based on the many people I have spoken with, I will make a WILD GUESS that he has been using for at least nine months.
What to do next? The path your son is on now will almost surely have tragic consequences. I have never heard of an interveinious opiate/heroin addict just thinking one day, "hey, I think I will knock this off before it gets out of hand" and stop successfully. He is either going to run himself so far into the muck that he drags himself out of it, or he is going to end up dead. This sounds terrible, but you and your family need to prepare for the worst because it is going to get a lot worse. He could end up in jail or dead and those are very real possibilities. Ending up in jail for several months could be the best thing that could happen to him.
You don't want him dead, so the best thing you can do is to help accelerate his trip into the muck. You do that by cutting him off financially. I wouldn't even pay for his schooling or his room/board. By paying his way, you will finance several months of free living that he can use to his deterament. The longer he can skid along, the worse his addiction will get and the more opportunities he will have to end up dead. If you are lucky, he will run out of cash and will run out of drugs. About two days without his drugs and he will be hurting - nearly disfunctional in every way. Then, he might go through painful withdrawals and get sicker than sick and decide he needs help. Hopefully he doesn't do something really stupid to get money for drugs and get hurt in the process.
This sounds dismal and it is, but it is not hopeless. Your son has to face his demon and he is going to have to beat it himself. If you try to beat the demon for your son, the demon will wait until you are not there and take over again.
Good luck. I have been praying for you even before you posted.
Last edited by thghtsreal; 07-26-2005 at 11:59 AM.
I knew you would show up shortly and give her more of the information she needs to hear then I could give her. You are much further into the process then I am, so she definatley needs to hear more then what I can offer at this point.
We are all here for you, as we are all here for each other.
I'm one of the parents with a drug addicted son. My son is 24 years old and an oxycontin/heroin addict. He didn't shoot up the heroin. He snorted it. He is also 6 months clean. But it took over two years for him to finally realize he was a drug addict. You will get good advice here. I am sure you will hear from Nervous Nellie soon. I see two of our wonderful parents have already responded. I have to get back to work but I wanted to quickly welcome you to this wonderful place. I would have been lost without it. I'll write again soon.
Wow..Thank you all for your concern & the time you took to respond to my situation. Thank you Joanharvest,thghtsreal, KFld.... I cannot tell you how much all your thoughts have meant to me. Thanks...you are making a difference....
Someone asked me, "Where is your son now?" He is in another state at college. I have not talked to him for 2 days. Last time he called me I told him that I was not dealing with him as a mother/son relationship. I told him it was now an mother,advisor/drug addicted adult relationship. I told him if he wanted to call me could talk to me about "Truth" & anything he could tell me to develop "Trust", and I would give him only "Guidence", (as in no $$$$). He hung up on me, I know he's having a hard time thinking of what he can talk to me about now. It's been nice I need a break from him. Since he left to school June 20th, he has called & just about begged for $$$. I told him he sounded like someone had a gun to his head. He has never done this $$ begging before. I got smart real quick. I sent him an Albertson's gift card, with a very small amount on it. That upset him...
Anyway, I kicked into tough love (it will get tougher,too!) as soon as I found the needle which to me screamed out, "Drug addict". But, when he told me it was a steroid shot for his friend, that made more sense to me. But I was still not letting him back home.
thghtsreal..I know it is not my fault. So I really don't have to get past that stage. So it makes tough love easier (which is never easy) for me. Oh! & thanks for alll the OXY info. You are a blessing. I mean who so you ask about this stuff? YOU! My husband & I went to a co-dependent meeting the first week after I found the needle! We missed 2 weeks on vacation..Tomorrow night will be our 3rd meeting. I love them. I get excited to go. Yes...the first meeting changed me. Even though I went because my son was giving steroid shots to his friend (HA! HA!). Everyone at the meeting probably knew I had alot to learn & I do!
I would certainly think you would be right on the 6 weeks but I just don't know much about it. My son had been away to college for 10 months...His sister was at the same college and she never heard of OXY..He was definately not an angel at college...But no signs of addiction...never asked for money, lived with 5 awesome roomates, (although he ventured out and met some of his own kind), had a checking account with a visa overdraft of $700.00 that was never tapped into..I'm tired of being a dectective.. but I really saw the addition habits when he came home in April (2005). After all HELLl breaks loose, he tells this story... He says he ran into a guy (just ran right into him, how convienient) who dad has cancer & would sell him OXY CHEAP, well my son the business man that he is started selling to different groups of people getting his for FREE, (so you're not an addict if you get yours for free, right...correct me if that's wrong.) Then he left back to college on a whim, he wasn't planning this. Well, he goes on the plane with all this OXY...they even searched him so long he missed his plane...He came home & flew out the next morning, with the OXY. So I figure he's crazy! Yes, he will end up in jail...or can he change???
Keep you posted,
Thanks again, Sad Mom
Drug addicts will lie profusely, so do not put any faith in anything he says. The funny thing is that the deeper they are into the drugs, the more ridiculous the lies become until they become so bizarre that it is easy to see through them - like "No, mom, I just use the needles to inject my friends with steroids". Ya, thanks for that, Doc.
You need to cut him off from ALL financial support. Even sending him an Albertson's card is support. I know you love him and this is why you have to cut him off. Every bit of support you give him allows him to continue to use - to get deeper into drugs and to face more danger.
So your son told you that he is dealing - that is a given. His injecting indicates a heavy addiction. He probably has a daily use with a street value of $100 to $200 per day. The only way to keep that going is to be selling.
As a college drug pusher, your son is at particular risk of killing someone else without intending to do it. He is selling to an amature drug using audience who is likely to mix Oxy with other drugs like alchohol. That is a lethal combination, and it kills a lot of kids - especially at colleges. If some kid dies from taking Oxy and mixing drugs, the cops and the school will hunt your son down like an animal and he will be facing some serious prison time. He/you might also be facing a lawsuit from some angry parents. Oxy is a huge problem and I am finding that the police are taking it serious when they have to. Look at the cases where some college kid(s) dies from Oxy - the police, the school, and the parents put on a manhunt for the seller. I read about a recent case in Wisconsin where two college kids died from Oxy. The police immediately put on a multi-county sting operation and arrested Oxy pushers from the college town as well as surrounding cities.
You asked if we think he can change. Yes, he absolutely will change eventually - he is getting worse now day by day and that is change, isn't it? As far as changing for the better, he will not change as long as things stay the same. Almost without exception, he is going to experience some catastrophie that MIGHT shake him up. If you are lucky, it will be several months in jail. By the way, IF he does get arrested, I strongly suggest that you do NOT bail him out. Don't pay for a lawyer. He has to face the concequences of his choices. Let him stay in jail for as long as possible so that he can dry out. It will be his best chance to dry out. As some of the addicts on this forum will tell you, jail withdrawal is a painful and memorable experience. In some lucky cases, jail withdrawal is memorable enough to keep them off of drugs for good.
As far as you being a detective - give it up. You are wasting your time, energy and emotoin. Any information he gives you will be so littered with lies that any story you piece together will be at least half fiction.
Be prepared for guilt trips. You son knows that you will be weak to it. For your own piece of mind, try this; when he calls and asks for money or other support, ask him if he is still on drugs. If he says "NO", which he will almost surely do, tell him, "Good, then let's stop the pusher who was selling to you so he doesn't hurt others". Make a deal with him that you will start supporting him again AFTER (not before) he cooperateswith the police. Insist that YOU be there when he does it. The point of this excersize is that he will not do it - AND you will know that he is still on drugs - AND you will feel better about not giving him support that will enable him to use/sell drugs. Remember, YOUR SON is now a pusher. You know how you hate the pusher who started your son on drugs and sells to him now? Well some other sad parents are hating your son because he is doing it to their child. It is quit possible that your son is stuffing a needle into some young freshman girl's arm for the firt time in her life. Use that thought to keep things in perspective. It helps make the tough love easier on you.
The little boy you love is still somewhere inside the boy that has gone bad, but as long as he is on drugs, he is not really the son you knew. Drug addiction completely transforms people into someone else. If he can shake the drugs, you will have your son back - a bit wiser and with some permanent scars, but there is hope.
Sad Momma, it is critical that you and the rest of your family do not become emotional victims of your son's addiction. Get a good councellor ASAP and tell him/her what is going on. Things are going to get more ugly, more sad, and maybe even more scary.
Keep us posted.
Last edited by thghtsreal; 07-27-2005 at 04:16 AM.
You are so right about the rediculous lies. I keep thinking about the last one my son told me when he claimed he was arrested for old heroin wrappers that he thought he cleaned out of his car and that he didn't use until when he was leaving the police station, they stuck a bunch of garbage in his hand from his car and in that garbage was a bag of heroin that they didn't realize was there. he tried to say he was doing fine until he got arrested again and thought he was going to go to jail anyway and it wasn't his fault because they were old wrappers. I said to him, D.J. they sent you home from the police station with a list of belongings you had in your posession that they gave back to you and nowhere on that list did I see a bag of heroin. He actually stuck to that story until the first week I went to see him in rehab and then finally admitted that he had started using about a day or 2 before that. I told him I already knew that.
Sad Mom, is your son still sticking to the story about the steroids, or has he openly admitted that he's using oxy's?
Wonderful to wake up to your love & caring this morning... thghtsreal & Kfld..
Thank you, as always. Well, you ask, "Has my son has admitted to the needle not being steroids?". The answer is YES, (It just about killed me, but I was already so numb). Here's how the story unfolds...He goes to colllege after 6 (drug dealing, high flying weeks at home). Now remember I don't know anything for sure at this time, except the needle, razor & license I find under the bed while helping him look for his shoes to pack to go to college. I plan on taking him to the airport, but he insists on his friend takiing him, now this is the friend who he was supposedly giving the steroid shot to. (Now this "friend" is a newcomer to our house I was a little concerned when he showed up.) This is when he takes the OXY on the plane. For 3 weeks at college he works like crazy for my sister, gets paid, but calls desparate for $$$. Now the college he is going to this summer is in another state from where he was last year, and another state from where we live. So I am sure the guy selling him the OXY is here in our state. But he had hooked up with 2 OXY users from our home town up at college, (full ride scholarship kids).
Anyway, we buy him a ticket to visit us last week on our vacation. Not thinking anything this bad is up, not even in our wildest dreams. He sits on the beach & tells me he got caught drinking @ school by a neighborhood girl, (our neighborhood), (who lives in his condos at school) . She tells her dad, the dad calls my son. Of course I am thinking "drinking" (The BIG LIE), I stick to my guns & say you can't ever live at home, (because of the needle). He tells me the license & razor were his & he snorts OXY. Says he was detoxing while on this trip taking Sub... I remain calm, but send him off on the plane saying..so long have a good life. I felt great about our decision, (husband was right along side of me.) We drive home & not home for 15 min & son calls...He had a miraculous CHANGE! (sound familiar?) He told me the needle was his, about the drug connection here, about the other 2 kids on OXY there (I know both of them), and that it was drugs not dinking he was caught with by the girl, said he loved the girl she was his bestfriend..yada..yada. He had made plans to live with someone here (which was the truth) this guy could definately be connected to the drugs (his dad is a nero-surgeon). But he wants to return to the other college that he was at last year, wants to live with his sistet & her new husband, he feels this would be best for him. I do not want to put this on his sister. He does know her husband he was one of his roomates last year. They would be very hesitant to deal with him. Anyway, the saga continues....
I know what you mean by the ridiculous lies...I mean he says things that make me feel he doesn't have a brain, nothing adds up.
I love your advice.. he does have rent due Aug. 1, last month on lease I signed. Should I pay this as long as he is still in school? I mean I really don't ant to. Things are shaken up becuase of the girl telling, all three boys have told there parents, and yes I'm sure they hate my son if he is their pusher, (even if he isn't) they were involved before my son entered the picture up there. KFdl, I will tell on any of the kids...I would love to know the source of the OXY my son wouldn't budge on that...I call him the mystery man...Yes, you are right on on the dectective stuff...it's lie after lie and it was driving me crazy. The dad of the girl lives in our neighborhood and he is serious business. These 3 boys are going down! What does it take to get someone arrested, I know for sure one house where it is being used continually. Can you just inform the police?? I will hold nothing back..This is an epedemic in our school.
I am not sure how to go back & look at your post while I type.. So i might miss questions.. & responses. Also, is there spellcheck on this posting stuff..I type so fast & furious..I know I spelled destruction wrong on my post & it looks so funny...
Talk to you soon,
I'm not sure if there is spell check, but don't worry about the spelling. I am anal about my own spelling, must be the secretary in me , but don't worry about yours.
That is a hard question for me to answer about paying for his rent while he's in school. I guess you certainly don't want him kicked out of school if it is something positive in his life. I guess I would just make sure I was the one to pay the rent so you know exacly where it is going. I just wouldn't give him money for anything else. Now, he has admitted to using, but does he think he has a problem, or does he say he can stop at anytime????, just chooses not to yet. My son never played that game with us, that is the only one he hasn't played. As soon as he was caught, he admitted right away what he was using, how much, when, who else was doing it and that he wanted to stop and needed help to do so because he hated living that way. I guess he could have tried to tell me that he just started, hardly did it but got caught the first time he tried it, yada yada yadad, but he didn't, so I guess some would consider that a good sign that he's ready to give it a try.
I guess I envy you in a way because he already lives in another state. Mine will be home next Friday from rehab and I'm not ready for the unknown, though I'm trying to prepare myself the best I can through alanon. I have to learn not to listen to every phone conversation and panic everytime he sniffles and just allow him to have the time to make his choices and suffer the consequences. I know if I try to play detective that will not do any of us any good and I will try to control his choices and I cannot do that. He will follow the rules of our home and I will home drug test in order for him to drive. I will not put him behind the wheel of a car if I think he's using. My husband and I have already agreed on home drug testing him for the first few weeks he's home until he goes to court. His attorney is going for him to be mandated to a drug and alcohol program for 10-12 months where they will drug test him for us. I will make him sign a release that as long as he lives home, they can give us the drug test results.
Well I better get back to work. I'll check back in a little while. My co-worker is on vacation, so I do have a little more privacy this week.
1) When you son speaks, you might as well turn the volume off. He will mix enough lies with truth to keep you confused. As for most liars, he will tell the truth only when he is already caught. Again, turn the volume off when he talks and use your eyes and gut feel.
2) Do not pay his rent or anything else. Every dime you use to support him supports his drug-life and his self-destruction. As I mentioned before, the faster he hits bottom, the better his chances of survival. Under no circumstances what-so-ever should he be allowed to move in with his sister and her new husband; forget that he is your son, would you think of having a drug addict and dealer live with your newly married daughter? Give her a break. This is not funny stuff. Your son is in a real life & death situation. He is associating with dangerous people and everyone he is around is at risk. Oxy is heroin. Your son is injecting it. He is on a fast spiral into trouble that most of us only see on film.
3) About contacting the police: Now this part is sobering and you are going to be faced with the toughest decision of your life. Oxy possession is a felony in most states. If your son is arrested, he will face felony charges. As bad as this sounds, it is not as bad as some other things that could happen to him on the course he is on now.
If you do decide to call the police, don't just call the general police number. Call the narcotics division. They might be called the Drug Task Force or some other name. The narcotics division is sometimes a bit more specialised at this stuff than the average police officer and they are more likely to work with you in a way that would be better for your son. They will still arrest him, but they also work the the DA and if you cooperate with them, it could be better than him just getting busted raw. If your son gets caught with drugs in your home or in your town, then he might get some jail time (or not), and you can visit him at your local jail. If he gets caught as a narcotics mule carrying drugs across state lines, he could go to federal prison and it could be anywhere in the USA.
Personally, I think that your son is better off in jail than dead. Right now, there is nothing slowing him down, so those are probably the two paths he has right now. So some girl told her father that your son is selling Oxy and the father says he is going to do something. Hmm... there is an element of the story missing here. My guess is that the problem hit a little closer to home. Is it possible that the father caught the daughter with drugs and squeezed her to reveal the source? If not, this is a warning shot - because it is likely to happen eventually. One of the kids your son is selling to is going to get hurt or get into trouble and he/she will squeel. The cops will set up a sting and let your son trap himself in a tight noose. If you are hearing about it through other channels, chances are the cops are already sniffing him. Believe me, I have seen this happen.
Good luck. Get some therapy. You are living chapter one of a thick and frightening book. It is going to get worse before it gets better. Be strong. Stick to your guns. Give yourself some emotional distance from your son. Prepare yourself mentally for the worst. If you have faith in God, revisit that faith and ask for God's help.
Last edited by thghtsreal; 07-27-2005 at 08:07 AM.
Hey KFld & thghtsreal & all other readers,
My son thinks he has a problem, but he can stop. I can relate to you so much KFld. I could never take life with my son at home again. I am with you on the phone conversations & panic. He has to take responsibility for his choices. I am powerless over his choices & his addiction. I am lucky because he is out of state and he doesn't have a car. KFld, "Do you have children at home?" I will be thinking about you next Friday. I feel your pain.
thghtsreal-great information-thank you. Your mind has great depth into this situation. The girl involved deserves credit, she's a wonderful girl, just looking out for good boys gone very bad..she didn't ask for them to wind up in her condo..she knows the bunch from high school. Yes there is a little more to the story,(as usual) the dad's great concern is because one of the boys was her boyfriend at one time, I'm sure the dad wants him off the face of the earth...He has the money & power to see to it...and my son we'll be right there with him. I love your insight. But you are right it is likely to happen the other way sooner or later. I love your approach. You tell it like it is. Yes, I do have faith in God. He is my ultimate source of strength. I am definately reconsidering the " live with sister idea." At this point I doubt if he will make it through this summer term, yet alone do all it would take to get himself back to his college. He is just a visiting student where he is now. He is not on course for this fall semester, hasn't registered, housing or anything. He is to consumed with the drugs. So the "live with sister" was his idea if he headed back to school. Live with friend here at home is his other option, which of course is a quicker path to the eventual outcome of this situation which is prison time. Yes, I am in a zone of this is not my son. No, I would not let a "steroid injecting" son live in my house, why would I let a drug pusher/addict live with my daughter. You are absolutely right! No one in the family has heard from him for 3 days. Last night I awoke and sensed that he was in jail. I don't think he is, but could be in near future. I love what you said about the other parents. Yes, he is to be feared.
Gotta Go,I'll check in later
Well, Sad Mom, it sounds like you are getting it figured out.
If the drugs haven't taken over completely yet, they will. He will not be motivated to do anything on his own. Don't register him for college or courses or housing. Just let it drift into nothingness. Oxy addicts eventually get so devoted to the drug that they give up every career, education, hobby, and friend they have. Their life becomes entirely consumed with getting their next fix.
He will start to get sloppy with his drugs which is why you found his paraphenalia (needles, razor). Oxy is super powerful. Most of us could not function on the doses that addicts get accustomed to. It amazes me that you can have somebody actually walking and talking with 80 to 100+ mg of Oxy flowing concentrated in their system. Most of us would be in a coma. Anyway, they DO get dull and that is the reason they are taking Oxy - to get numb. Their dullness makes them careless and then they get caught. Like I said, they get pre-occupied with their next fix, so everything else including being careful is secondary.
Again, the best thing you can do is to let him crash as fast as possible so his recovery can start soon. It would be fair to the rest of the family to tell them what is going on and ask them not to enable your son with financial resources. Absolutely do not let him live with relatives. He will bring his curse into their homes (has your son started stealing from you yet?).
The road ahead will be bumpy. We will be here for you.
Last edited by thghtsreal; 07-27-2005 at 11:02 AM.
yes Sad Mom,
I have a daughter at home. She is 15 and is definatley effected by all of this, though she doesn't really admit it, so we are very careful to give her extra attention and will watch her very closely when he comes home next Friday. It is very scarey, but I have to atleast have some hope that he wants this as bad as he says he does and only time will tell. I just have to stay strong enough to not let this destroy the rest of us if he doesn't.
The only good thing about her seeing him go through this, is that I don't think she will ever touch drugs. She is a different child anyway then he ever was.
Thanks...I sure hope you are getting what you need from all of this. You are like a little angel to the rest of us...maybe you are an angel...yeah, you are definately an angel. I am so wrapped up in your posts & the others that I am vaguely aware of your situation. I will go back & read up on it..
No, my son has not stolen from us. We are very lose around here if anyone wanted to steal, but on top of things to the point I would know without a doubt if someone was. This was the first vacation where I got a safety deposit box, because of the last 6 weeks. My son gave me his pin # so I can check his account on line, (don't think he is aware of this, he's not aware of much). He has about $13.00 left. One account he can draw cash from took out last 40. yesterday. One account that I am on with him he only debits. All from fast food places this week, he's down to $3.00. He has an overdraft visa,(aren't the banks lovely how they put money into their hands), with 700.00 credit line, all still there, I wish I culd cancel this online, I would. Hasn't gone into it, YET. All family members on on board, especially 23 year old sister who was with him at college last year. 24 year old sister an R.N. is having a hard time, she's not giving $$, but still support on phone. She doesn't really want to know, it kills her. Other 2 are younger 16 & 10. They are on the same page with us, especially 16 yr. old girl...she's had it with him. Ten year old is enjoying his parents, again. 23 year old doesn't like the online stuff..thinks I shouldn't put any time or effort into him. We've given him our ALL. I need this to get stronger day by day & heal. I am doing this for ME! Can I only call the police on my son? Can I direct them to others? which I sure will whip around to my son. I feel it a little dangerous for me to be the direct, FINK on him. My son also has limited celll phone time. He just got a cell phone during the 6 weeks, (made me very suspicious of durgs). He has pre-paid minutes which are just about out, I am sure. A little quote that might help you & all, "Let Go; Let God". "Prayer has brought many a wiser parent, and then even her wayward child, home again." Keep praying for all of us. Thanks..
Yeah, we've got the same situation, a 16 year old girl. She deserves better. Very strong girl, very different from boy (like yours). She does show her emotions to this situation, she is getting some of the backlash from other kids, what they say. It hurts her so much. She has done so much encouragement wise for him. She starts at the High School he graduated from, in August. I fell bad becuase she feels like it is her duty to keep boys from this path. That is a hard burden for her to bear. We have talked at length at how much some kids will change in high school, it will break her heart. But we are really talking about this subject. More hardache could be around the corner for her because of her brothers bad decisions. This is a tight knit community, even though a large 5A high school.
Best to You & Yours,
You are well positioned for some success right now. Your family is on-board. Sounds like they have gone through some pain and are prepaired to let your son hit the wall on his own.
It is very difficult on the other children and you need to pay attention to that. One of my younger teen sons took out all of our home movies and watched the old videos of the pre-drug brother that he remembered and loved. He watched them for hours and then watched them again. It was very sad. At the same time, he also said that he did not want his big brother back in the house. It is very sad indeed.
It looks like your son is broke now. All you have to do is pinch off whatever other financial support pipeline you might have to him. Pretty quickly, he won't have a place to stay and he won't have anything to eat. He won't like that. Now, you have to hold tough. He won't starve. He MIGHT spend a few nights outdoors - big deal. People do it all the time.
He will make a bunch of noise when you cut him off. He needs you to hold up one end of his needs so that he can have drugs at the other end. This is going to be like an exorcism. When it gets tough, he is going to get mean and clever all at the same time. You will see the Devil in him. He will try every approach in order to disarm you. Initially, he may swear at you and curse you. When he finds that doesn’t work, he will switch to charm. Then comes the scare tactics; I’m starving, I am freezing, I am suicidal, I am going to die. He will also try to negotiate, “Hey, I am clean now. Hey, I want to get clean now” etc. The only thing you need to do is have information ready for him and not money. Give him the phone number and address of the public rehab centers. He is over 18, so he is eligible.
Can you call the cops on your son? Yes, you can. In fact, you probably should. If you are concerned for your safety, then explain that to the police and tell them that the information is confidential. It is tough, but if you are lucky, he will get arrested and you can know that he is in a safe place with a roof over his head, 3 meals a day, and no access to drugs.
Trying to do "LIFE"..in between all this posting & reading. How do you set limits on your time involved here?? I already don't watch T.V. or E-mail. Of course I want to read and encourage others, too!
Thanks for being there for me,