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Old 08-18-2005, 12:41 PM   #1
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Court and my sons big decision to make

Well court went different then I planned, but good. I was honest with the attorney that I'm not sure how he's doing, so he went in and talked to the states attorney and they gave my son a few options, and I'm hoping he takes the right one. The first is probation for up to 2 years, with drug and alcohol programs, unsupervised probation and random drug testing. If he can do it for 2 years, his record is erased, but if he blows it he has a felony charge and will probably go to jail. The 2nd option is long term inpatient, possibly up to six months in a state drug and alcohol rehab facility, I believe kind of like inpatient to halfway house type program. At first my son said no way to inpatient and then when I got him to really really think about if he could do the other, he doesn't think he can and thinks he's probably going to have to choose the long term inpatient. He had actually chosen that by the time the attorney came back out to talk to him, but then the attorney asked him if he wanted him to try for a 2 week continuance so he could have time to really think it over. I don't think he realized my son was really leaning towards the inpatient and wanted to make sure he had ample time to think. I wish he hadn't done that, because the decision could have been made today and it would have been irreversible. Oh well. We go back on September 1st to give his decision. That gives him two weeks of really long hard thinking of whether he can really do this on the outside or not. I think he's going to find he can't and go with the inpatient. At least that is what I am praying for. He would probably go sometime in September, and probably wouldn't be home until March, which is when is birthday is. I know he would be gone for the holidays, but I have to get over that and realize what is one holiday compared to the rest of his life.
It seems like CT. is finally starting to see the seriousness of this addiction and taking the right steps to hopefully get people the help they need. I guess they have seen that the outpatient thing isn't really working and the longer more intense programs are. I just have to hope he can keep himself out of trouble for two weeks.
By the way, I then found a cut up pen and half of what looks like an oxycontin in his room. Round, kind of orangish yellow on the outside, white on the inside. I will confront him on this later and it will be another push for me in the direction of the 6 month inpatient. I will remind him that he cannot live here if he's using and pretty much, if he doesn't choose the 6 month program, he needs to leave. If he chooses that I will let him stay here until he goes. I flushed the pill and threw away the pen. He knows in his heart the first choice is not the best one, that the second one is, but two weeks of you know who convincing him otherwise is not going to help him at all.
6 months away from her alone will be a godsend.

I'm going to spend some time on the back deck with my parents. Talk to you all in a little while.

Karen

 
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Old 08-18-2005, 01:45 PM   #2
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Re: Court and my sons big decision to make

Karen: this is what Oxy looks like. There are several colors, sizes, shapes based on strength. The yellow/orange oxy is a 40 mg pill. Usually has an "OC" on the pill. See this pic: http://www.addictionca.com/img/oxy-all-mg.jpg

Karen, if you found a pill cut in half and a cut-up pen in his room, you don't need any more proof than that. You have said what you would do. Now you have to do what you said.

I would encourage him to go to the long-term in-patient, especially if the county is going to pay for it. Use the pill to make your son take that route. The two-year probation is a guaranteed failure for your son. He is already back on drugs. He will either get caught, go to prison, and be a felon, or he will fool his probation officer and have the problem follow him through life (which may be short).

God bless you, Karen. I will pray for you.

Last edited by thghtsreal; 08-18-2005 at 04:01 PM.

 
Old 08-18-2005, 05:30 PM   #3
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Re: Court and my sons big decision to make

Karen, I can't stop thinking about how much pain you must be going through right now having returned from court, and finding your son is right back on drugs at this important juncture.

This is just too terrible for words.

I know that you are reading this on a computer screen, but there are real live people on the other side and I am one of them. We are feeling your pain and anxious for you to enjoy peace and harmony with your family.

You have given excellent advice on this forum. Read what you said with such strength and conviction and know that those words came from you. You have it in you to make it through.

God only gives you as much as you can handle. Surely he is preparing you now for big and important work in the future which requires this strengthening. There are people waiting for you in the tomorrows your next day who will be rescued by the strength and wisdom you are developing now.

Your son too will get through this safely, but not without pain. This is not the end of him. It is only trial by fire. One day, your son will make you so proud, you will hardly be able to breath.

Rinse the pain, anger, frustration from your mind. This is not a hopeless situation. We do not know how long the curve is, but there will be light around the bend.

Cry as much as you need, then stand up and go forward. You know the direction. God needs you to go through this now for something bigger that only you can handle and you will be able to handle it with ease when it comes. Have courage. Have faith.

Your son will be fine, so do not be afraid of the next few things that happen. He will be fine.

Last edited by thghtsreal; 08-18-2005 at 05:32 PM.

 
Old 08-18-2005, 08:16 PM   #4
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Re: Court and my sons big decision to make

Karen, I know nothing I say can stop what is going on in your life, But I have read alot of what you have writen on here . And I can see that you are a brave women. Keep strong.We all have read enough here to know that addiction is a strong thing and a lot of people have sliped many times before they get it right,Dont feel like he has lost the battle, Because he has not, GODS not finished with him yet.Inpatient is just what he needs and long term just as they are trying to give him. ThGhtsreal IS right !!!!Use the pill to push him in that direction. Maybe being in there six months will give him along enough time to think about his life, And also you know he will be clean. And maybe by then this GF will be moved on to someone else. Try to think of it as the begaining and not the end..... GOD IS ALREADY WORKING AS I TYPE THIS..... JUST KNOW THAT YOU HAVE MADE FRIENDS HERE AND WE DO CARE SO MUCH....... Felicia

 
Old 08-18-2005, 10:03 PM   #5
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Re: Court and my sons big decision to make

Karen-
Well I am glad court is over for your son & now he is faced with making a decision between his 2 options. I am like you..I would just as soon forget the two week waiting period. This is 2 more weeks to do as he pleases with no durg test...that doesn't seem right..it could be a little 2 week vacation for him...so he might let loose. THe six months would be great..from all I hear they need at least 6 months to really kick into another gear. I knew the 2 or 3 weeks he did was probably not going to have much effect on him..and as it looks it probably didn't...maybe slowed him down a bit. He needs alot more time away to really reflect on his choices & the direction he wants his life to go, at 18 they still feel so young & carefree. Six months would do him & you & especially your daughter good. It would be a relief for your family...I just hope it isn't any less. I know your heart sank with what you found. I am here for you..I feel your pain...I am sharing your experience in my own heart. I snopped a "little bit" today, read some of the papers he wrote this summer, some journal writings...he has great intentions...in his bag which wasn't unpacked & just left unzipped in his room...I saw some stuff I did'nt like..2 things of nose drops..chapstick & dum-dum suckers (Don't these have something to do with drugs?) Maybe thgtsreal knows. Please write tomorrow & let us know what your son's attitude is. I pray that he makes the best decision for his future. As for you be strong...I love these four little words..."Let go;Let God"...
Lot of Love,
Kim

 
Old 08-19-2005, 05:16 AM   #6
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Re: Court and my sons big decision to make

Kim
The dumb dumb thing is wierd. It never occured to me that it had anything to do with anything, but my son used to have him all over his room and his car??? What do they have to do with anything?? Does anyone know?

Anyway,
to all of you, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support. I know the choice he needs to make and I will use the pill thing to push him in the direction he needs to go. Of course he told me the same old, that pill has been there, do you think if it was an oxy I would have left it there with what they cost, and the half a pen was old. I know there was none of that there, because I watch for it. I'm not an idiot and I think he did half of it before court and then when he went to court and realized he had a decision to make and wants to see if he can go two weeks without, he just didn't come home and do the other half, for now. Well it's flushed, so now he can't do it ever. My husband and I will sit him down and make it clear to him that we said no drugs or he can't live home, so if he chooses not to go away he can't stay home.
My fear is the type of facility he will be placed in and I'm going to call his attorney today and see what kind of say we have in all of this. He will be evaluated by the state for his addiction and then they have to place him somewhere within 45 days if they feel he needs to be, which I'm sure they will. I just feel if he's put into a state facility, hospital type setting for 6 months, it's not going to do him a bit of good and he may as well go to jail. I would love for him to go to a halfway house type facility where he can learn life skills and work and really start a new life. I guess this is hoping for to much, but if we can get him somewhere decent for six months and he gets a job, maybe he'll decide to stay wherever he is.

His intent for the next 2 weeks, as of yesterday, is to go to a meeting everyday for the next 2 weeks, find a sponsor and really work the program and see by the court date if this makes a differe in how he feels about staying home and staying clean. He went to a meeting as soon as he got home from court yesterday, but then went to hang with his girlfriend and his other looser friend for the rest of the day. I guess I should see this as a good thing, because there is more of a chance he'll realize in two weeks that he can't do this here. The only way he could do this home is to get a fill time job, fill the rest of his time with meetings and then stay away from everyone, but he's not capable of that right now.

I'm very thankful that the courts are giving him this option and not just pushing him through. Our attorney knows my husband family very well and I feel he really wants to make sure for his own reputation that he does everything he can to help our family.

Well I better get some work done.

 
Old 08-19-2005, 05:48 AM   #7
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Re: Court and my sons big decision to make

KFLD Does the dum dums have a hole in the stick Part of it. I am just wondering what they would do with that to ? If I were you I would tell the lawyer that he needs the whole six months . and see if he can have that arranged, I know that the state facility is not the best place to be. BUT the out come is the same. You could spend your lifes saving on him and he may not get clean, He is the one who has to do the work , I think six months is a good start. Hey there is a lot of people that come clean in prison and you know thats not a great place to get clean. They need time to think, and not be around other people doing it. He really does have to lose his gf and the others . if he is going to make it. sooner or later these people will end up in jail too. I have you in my prayers Felicia

 
Old 08-19-2005, 07:07 AM   #8
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Re: Court and my sons big decision to make

Thanks Felicia,
I spoke to his attorney briefly this morning and he said he is going to look into our options of state facilities. The one he mentioned to me that they said they usually use, when I called to check into it they said they only do a 45 day program, so I have this feeling that the six months will probably never happen
I am going to however ask if there is anyway the court can mandate he go to a halfway facility after the state facility. He needs a long long time under his belt before coming back here.

Talk to ya soon,
and I'm not sure if there is a hole in the stick of the dumb dumbs, I just know he at one time had an entire cup of them in the drink holder of his car.

 
Old 08-19-2005, 07:20 AM   #9
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Re: Court and my sons big decision to make

I am sorry you have to go through all this. I tried getting my son into long term programs a couple of years ago to no avail. I hope you have better luck.

My son went to a concert last night in Boston. I stayed up all night waiting for him. When he relapsed two years ago it was at a concert. I drug tested him as soon as he got home. Thank goodness he doesn't ever seem to mind. And Thank goodness he passed.

I asken him about the dum dums. If anyone would know it would be him. He thinks it's just because of the sugar. He craved sugar when he was on heroin , ate all sorts of candy. Now he eats none. His teeth are in such bad shape now. One of his front teeth is turning black. We have no dental insurance. He'll just have to save his money and go to a dentist.

I'll be praying your son gets into a long term program.

 
Old 08-19-2005, 07:42 AM   #10
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Re: Court and my sons big decision to make

Hi Joan,
I have a feeling the dumb dumb thing is the sugar. I have heard you crave sugar when you are addicted to opiates.

Everyone keeps saying they will pray for me, and I'm starting to think, maybe I'm not praying enough for myself. Everyone says god won't give you anything you can't handle, but I think I'm about on the edge of that, so maybe I really need to focus on a lot more serious praying and he will take this out of my hands.

It's worth a try. I'll try anything about now!!

 
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