i am very desperate does anyone know where i can get daugher help
hi all,
i have another thread on here regarding what my daughter has gone through.i been posting on and off her for good while and i am more desperate than i have ever been in my life.i am trying to find a place where i can get my daughter detoxed and into long term recover program.she is 24,has no insurance,no medicaid because lost custody of her child,and no money,we have no savings because were are still raising kids and her child and if we did it would have done been put towards her recovery.she is wanting into a program long term also,i have tried to detox her myself natural ,not even close.shehas tried to taper she is on constant search for drugs to keep wd at bay.she said she is to weak to get through it herself.
we life in ohio, does anyone know of any states that may be close that may have a treatment facility that could help her,someone on here said that some treatment facilities will apply for medicaid when you enter,so im thinking it may be different in another state,please if anyone has any info i would greatly appreciate it.
thank you,
tami
Re: i am very desperate does anyone know where i can get daugher help
Sometimes if you say she is a threat to herself and to others they will put her into treatment. Also the emergency room if you go in there and say she is a drug addict and is suffering badly and that she od'd they might get the ball rolling for you also some rehabs might be able to finance her I would really start calling around, start calling rehabs, also her primary care physician might be able to help too they deal with this alot and explain to them and they might know how to get around the system to get her into detox. I would try every option. I feel for you I can tell from your posts your at a loss right now. Also try searching other forums and might be able to get some advice there too. Might try to call na I'm sure they have a website or something they might be able to help too. I would even try nar anon for families of addicts might be someone there who can help too. I know a web site that has a site to post for families whos loved ones are abusing and they are going through this too. there are so many resources out there. I've seen this site posted here on another thread so hopefully it will be ok if I post it. sober recovery.com (one word, not sure if 2 r's or just one so I typed it out like that your might have to try both ways)there you will find a place where others are going through helping loved ones get clean and u might get alot of help there too since others are going through this too. People will understand exactly how your feeling and might know some tricks. I wish you all the luck. Kim
Re: i am very desperate does anyone know where i can get daugher help
kim thanks so much,i am trying everything,i even emailed the show intervention that is on a& e.yes i am at a total loss,we been to er and contacted police nothing.she is going to counseling but still using just as much.detox and recovery are the only things that are going to save her i believe.let me tell you this is like a fulltime job.thank you for your suggestions.i am searching the web and calling all i can until i find some help.
tami
Re: i am very desperate does anyone know where i can get daugher help
I understand your desperation and fears. I was in your shoes too. Your other posts tell of your daughters deep addiction to oxycontin/opiates and other drugs.
It is important for you to know that re-hab centers are not necessarily the best answer. I have seen many people sink a lot of money into rehab for their children/family/loved ones only to be disappointed with a quick relapse after release from treatment. In our desperation, rehab seems like the solution. In fact, the success rates for many rehab programs is less than 10% - especially for people like your daughter who started drug use as a teen.
Your daughter has to be more desperate to get clean than anybody else is to see her clean. It appears from your posts that she may be pretending to want to get clean. At least two things indicate this. First, she admitted she was using while she was with your therapist recently. Second, YOU are the one on this board frantically looking for help and looking for ways to get her into a rehab program. Is SHE devoting as much or more energy to finding financing and rehab programs? SHE needs to be the one out looking and finding solutions. There can be no excuses; no "too tired", "too sick", "too busy" and-on-and-on. If you don't see it, then you need to prepare yourself for another disappointement and another drug-related disaster. Addicts are very convincing liars. They lie like their lives depend on it. They even lie to themselves. That is what makes them so convincing. They will swear how much they need help and want to get clean and at the same time, they will be dialing the cell-phone to hook up with their dealer.
My suggestion is that you stop carrying your daughter. Let her search for her own solutions. If she is not willing to seek and find a solution on her own, your efforts would be lost anyway.
Invest your time and energy in finding ways for YOU and your family to cope with the pain of loving an addict. Your pain and suffering is and will continue to be greater than her own. After all, she is numbing any pain with drugs while you are taking it raw. She chose drugs by her own free will. You and your family did not get to choose the madness and hurt she brought into your lives.
It is so painful and so frustrating, and so scary - I know. When she is in your house, there is madness and chaos. When she is not in your house, you have the constant fear of getting that phone call...
God bless you. Focus on yourself and your family members who are the true victims of your daughter's addiction.
Last edited by kindathinkin; 06-01-2006 at 08:13 AM.
Re: i am very desperate does anyone know where i can get daugher help
I agree with kinda,
You should let your Daughter take most of the responsibility.Maybe your making it too easy on her.If she doesn't really want to quit then all that your doing for her is for nothing.She might feel like "let Mom figure out how to get me into rehab, in the meantime I'll see if I can find something to take the edge off."If I was in your place I would tell her this"ok,I give up! If you want to do this to yourself then I can't help it!But without her knowing it go ahead and keep checking on facilities for her.Sometimes you have to shake them up to get their attention.
Re: i am very desperate does anyone know where i can get daugher help
hey, i so much feel your pain as i have a daughter addicted to heroin. i have been reading here a couple weeks and learned much about how she must want to get help on her own...she has been to detox twice...after the 2nd one a couple weeks ago, i had found a place for her to go....she has military insurance through her husband who is in korea (and says hes divorcing her) but it only covers detox for the most part. i dont know where you live but the place i found is faith based and no charge..they take care of every need...its a 3-6 month program, 6 bed house for women..its in waco, texas...its called house of dignity, part of missions waco and manna house...i thought it would be great for her...took her there on wednesday, she was so excited (so it seemed) and on thursday she left and got on a bus back home to fort worth and has still been using for the last 2 weeks. is she willing on her own? is texas a possibility?
Re: i am very desperate does anyone know where i can get daugher help
i remembered ohio is where you are, sorry-ive read lots of posts here. if there is nothing closer, a drive to waco,tx could be the answer if its what she so desires.
Re: i am very desperate does anyone know where i can get daugher help
MySissy, I think you are one awesome mom and I think your daughter is so lucky to have such a loving, caring person in her life. I have lost a couple of friends to drug overdoses and I know they wanted to stop - but the addiction just got the better of them - just proved too damn tempting to not just do it one more time. I belive your daughter really does want to stop when she says it - but then the desire just floods your mind and ruins all your good intentions. You won't be able to stop her drug abuse you know - it must come from her desire - not yours. I wish you all the luck in the world because you are obviously a very sensitive person and a great mom ... addiction is just such an evil thing
Re: i am very desperate does anyone know where i can get daugher help
hi,hope you are coping ok,i seemed to run on adrenalin then was ill after all the running around stopped,have been exactly where you are many times but when daughter was serious about stopping she did not take her doc,benzos,alcohol yes to help her out but only in moderation and administered by me,she also never left my side until we got help which took weeks,but i also have always done the running around but then i molicoddled her all her life,hopefully this is the end but if not dont give up just dont enable her and tell her to return when she is ready to stop,many addicts take a few attempts to stop,thinking of you,sad mum
Re: i am very desperate does anyone know where i can get daugher help
Thank You All So So Much For Your Words Of Care And Concern Not Only For Me But My Daughter.you Are All A Godsend.sadmum You Are Always There For Me.i Did Something Im Not Sure I Should Have But I Read Her Journal That She Had Left Here.i Cryed , The Darkness In Her Mind Is Beyond My Comprehension,where It Come From I Do Not Know,i Have 3 Other Children With No Problems.but She Lives In A World I Cannot Penetrate As Hard As I Try.numerous Times I Read That She Hated Me.she Does Hate Me Alot When I Refuse To Give Her Money For Pills.she Tells Me She Needs Me To Buy Them Because She Is Trying To Taper.i Know She Is Not By The Number Of Phone Calls She Gets And I Can Hear Her Lining Up Next Fix.but You Know What Today I Put It Behind Me For Awhile And Took My Granddaughter To Tag Sales,we Had A Blast Toghether.my Granddaughter Has Brought Me Such Joy Since I Have Had Custody.iget Frustrated And Nervous At Times But When I Feel Like I Am At The End Of My Rope And Tired Of Hearing Her Say Mama A Hundred Times A Day She Makes Me Laugh Out Of No Where And I Just Stop And Think That Must Be God Giving Me A Little Slap In The Face And Telling Me Hey This Child Needs You And You Must Do This.kind Of Weird Way Of Looking At It But It Makes Me Smile.i Sure Been Talking To God So Much ,pleading,begging For My Daughter To Get Help So She Can Enjoy Her Daughter Also.
I Love You Guys,
Tami
Re: i am very desperate does anyone know where i can get daugher help
Pk777 Thanks For Telling Me I Have Been A Good Caring Mom,because There Are Times She Tears At Every Fiber Of Me And I Feel Like Somewhere I Have Let Her Down.since Her Overdose I Have Thought Clear Back To Her Birth 23 Years Ago And Relived Our Lives And I Cant Understand.i Really Cant.her Brothers Are Great Wonderful People.i Just Dont Understand,if I Knew What She Was Hating Me For I Would Try To Help But She Has Even Blamed Me For Having Her Brought Into This World.i Dont Understand.but Thanks I Needed To Hear That.
Tami
Re: i am very desperate does anyone know where i can get daugher help
hi,all the time my daughter was using she hated me too,she never said it to me but many times she looked at me with hate filled eyes,i too read her journal,but she never kept it hidden,and in it she even wrote that i had hoodwinked everyone into believing i was a nice kind person but she knew the real me and i was evil,i have never mentioned this to her but she has talked about how drugs made her delusional and how she craved the drug so much it made her feel she was going to go mad,and how angry and desperate she would become,your daughter does not hate you,how could she,what a wonderful mother and granny you are,dont dwell on this its the drugs talking,my daughter too has been in very dark places,please have hope that one day she wil want to stop and in the meantime look after yourself so you are strong to help her when that day comes,love,karyn
Re: i am very desperate does anyone know where i can get daugher help
karyn,
well i hadnt seen her all weekend and she pops in today for about 2 hours and said she was calling a womens detox center tomorow but one of her drug buddy friends called and had found some for her and she is off,i have no idea where she is tonite.just hoping for besto tomorrow.
tami
Re: i am very desperate does anyone know where i can get daugher help
Tami -
some people are just born like that ... depressed, easily addicted etc. Sometimes I don't believe in ANYTHING - like god or the like, but then sometimes I think that past lives are very real and we are born with the karma and bad stuff we left un done in our last life. It makes a lot of sense and your say you have kids / grandkids that are just happy as pie and then you have this one kid that just wants to sink into the drug. I honestly don't think it's anything you did - I think it's her demons - and on a personal note, you thanking me lightened my heart .... She is so lucky to have you .... I just hope at some point in her life she wakes up and see's that she's not a street erchin - she actually has someome that will do anything to get her out of her mess. Most - most I know never had that - I honestly don't know if they did have that if they would have taken advantage of it -- but it was never an options so I guess I will never know ... anyway, cheers Tami - I wish I knew I knew u in real life
Re: i am very desperate does anyone know where i can get daugher help
Quote:
Originally Posted by kindathinkin
I understand your desperation and fears. I was in your shoes too. Your other posts tell of your daughters deep addiction to oxycontin/opiates and other drugs.
It is important for you to know that re-hab centers are not necessarily the best answer. I have seen many people sink a lot of money into rehab for their children/family/loved ones only to be disappointed with a quick relapse after release from treatment. In our desperation, rehab seems like the solution. In fact, the success rates for many rehab programs is less than 10% - especially for people like your daughter who started drug use as a teen.
Your daughter has to be more desperate to get clean than anybody else is to see her clean. It appears from your posts that she may be pretending to want to get clean. At least two things indicate this. First, she admitted she was using while she was with your therapist recently. Second, YOU are the one on this board frantically looking for help and looking for ways to get her into a rehab program. Is SHE devoting as much or more energy to finding financing and rehab programs? SHE needs to be the one out looking and finding solutions. There can be no excuses; no "too tired", "too sick", "too busy" and-on-and-on. If you don't see it, then you need to prepare yourself for another disappointement and another drug-related disaster. Addicts are very convincing liars. They lie like their lives depend on it. They even lie to themselves. That is what makes them so convincing. They will swear how much they need help and want to get clean and at the same time, they will be dialing the cell-phone to hook up with their dealer.
My suggestion is that you stop carrying your daughter. Let her search for her own solutions. If she is not willing to seek and find a solution on her own, your efforts would be lost anyway.
Invest your time and energy in finding ways for YOU and your family to cope with the pain of loving an addict. Your pain and suffering is and will continue to be greater than her own. After all, she is numbing any pain with drugs while you are taking it raw. She chose drugs by her own free will. You and your family did not get to choose the madness and hurt she brought into your lives.
It is so painful and so frustrating, and so scary - I know. When she is in your house, there is madness and chaos. When she is not in your house, you have the constant fear of getting that phone call...
God bless you. Focus on yourself and your family members who are the true victims of your daughter's addiction.
WOW,EVERYTHING YOU SAID HERE IS TRUE.SO TRUE.HOW DO I LET GO? I DONT KNOW HOW TO STOP BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR HER?I MEAN I HAVE THE OTHER KIDS BUT SHE HAS ALWAYS NEEDED ME.SHE WAS MOLESTED AS A CHILD BY MY EX HUSBANDS STEP FATHER AND I HAVE HAD HER TO GET HELP AS CHILD BUT SHE NEVER OPENED AND WORKED IT OUT.I FEEL THAT IS ALOT OF HER DEMONS THAT CAUSE HER TO WANT TO NUMB HER PAIN.I HAVE TALKED TO HER SO MUCH AND TALKED,BECAUSE I ALSO WAS MOLESTED AS A CHILD AND UNDERSTAND HOW SHE MAY FEEL.BUT SHE WILL NOT STOP THE DRUGS TO DEAL WITH THE PROBLEM.
YOU POST REALLY HIT HOME WITH ME,I READ IT TO THE REST OF THE FAMILY WHO HAS ALSO BEEN SUFFERING BADLY.HER ADDICTION NOT ONLY TEARS ME APART BUT REACHES CLEAR THROUGH OUR VERY CLOSE FAMILY.HER GRANDMOTHER,COUSINS ETC.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR WORDS OF WISDOM , I AM GOING TO KEEP THEM WITH ME.
Re: i am very desperate does anyone know where i can get daugher help
Quote:
Originally Posted by MYSISSYGIRLS
WOW,EVERYTHING YOU SAID HERE IS TRUE.SO TRUE.HOW DO I LET GO? I DONT KNOW HOW TO STOP BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR HER?I MEAN I HAVE THE OTHER KIDS BUT SHE HAS ALWAYS NEEDED ME.SHE WAS MOLESTED AS A CHILD BY MY EX HUSBANDS STEP FATHER AND I HAVE HAD HER TO GET HELP AS CHILD BUT SHE NEVER OPENED AND WORKED IT OUT.I FEEL THAT IS ALOT OF HER DEMONS THAT CAUSE HER TO WANT TO NUMB HER PAIN.I HAVE TALKED TO HER SO MUCH AND TALKED,BECAUSE I ALSO WAS MOLESTED AS A CHILD AND UNDERSTAND HOW SHE MAY FEEL.BUT SHE WILL NOT STOP THE DRUGS TO DEAL WITH THE PROBLEM.
YOU POST REALLY HIT HOME WITH ME,I READ IT TO THE REST OF THE FAMILY WHO HAS ALSO BEEN SUFFERING BADLY.HER ADDICTION NOT ONLY TEARS ME APART BUT REACHES CLEAR THROUGH OUR VERY CLOSE FAMILY.HER GRANDMOTHER,COUSINS ETC.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR WORDS OF WISDOM , I AM GOING TO KEEP THEM WITH ME.
It is very difficult to actually do tough-love. However, if you keep on the same path you are on now, the pain your daughter's addiction will bring to you and your family will be so great and so persitant that it will finally wear you out.
After you try and try to help her and she fails repeatedly and continues to make your family suffer, you will get tough and you will realize that you cannot save her. She has to do it herself.
Right now, you are taking most of the hits. You are her shield, so the arrows that would hit her are hitting you instead. She has to feel the pain or else she will not be motivated to give up the drugs. There is a saying that "in order to get a person to get sober, the pain of staying the same has to be greater than the pain of change."
The fact that she was molested as a child is absolutely tragic and it may very well be the root source of her drug use. Remember that you are not responsible for that event and you can't change the past. You are living in the present now and the problems of right here and now. Her drug use is not solving the problems of the past. Now, you watch your daughter destroy herself by choice with drugs and you are even more helpless to it than when she was sexually molested as a child. Now, her attacker is from within.
We are so emotionally attached to addicts we love. Especially as parents and family members, it is a natural instinct to protect them. As crazy as it sounds, however, the more we try to help them, the more they use us. The more we allow them to use us, the longer they use drugs. The longer they use drugs the worse it gets and the more danger they are in. Thus, it is better and safer to start tough-love sooner than later.
If you just don't have it in you to be tough with your addicted daughter yet, don't worry, self-preservation will eventually kick in and get you there. HOWEVER, you need to know how much damage it is causing you and the other people in your family as you stay in the firestorm of her addiction. There is long-term emotional damage being done to your family both personally and within relationships. Be aware. She is causing as much damage to your family as she is to herself.
Last edited by kindathinkin; 06-06-2006 at 01:33 PM.
Re: i am very desperate does anyone know where i can get daugher help
I can also relate to what you are going through. My daughter had been addicted to pills for a few years. She stopped using when she became pregnant at 18 and started again after she had her little boy. She went to rehab 3 times w/no success. I will share w/you what I had to do and it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.
She did have an apartment, and was working, but not paying her bills. I was paying everything for her. The drugs started controlling her life and her son was no longer her priority I stopped paying her bills and she lost everything. I called the state on her. It took a few calls and then finally she went off the deep end and ended up giving my grandson to the state. She didn't want me to have her son, she hated me, and never wanted to see me again. I cried like I have never cried before. I got guardianship of my grandson and my daughter was very upset. I told her that I was willing to help her, but as long as she was using I could not be around her for my own mental health. We were like oil and vinegar when she was using.
I was also beating myself up w/what did I do wrong? How could this have happened? I started counselling and came to realize that I cannot fix the problem nor is it my fault. Just to remind you that this did not happen over night it took me a year to get to the place I am at today.
My daughter knows how to push my buttons and she does. I love her to pieces but she blamed me for everything. She would not take responsibility for what she was doing to herself.
She did go to rehab (involuntarily) for 3 months. AT rehab they diag. her w/a mental illness and paper work was started for SSI. Well, to make a long story short she came to live w/us w/the understanding and a contract that she could not use drugs. After 9 months she did get SSI, and the paperwork said she qualified because she was addicted to drugs (not because of her mental illness). I was surprised because I didn't think they gave ssi to people that were addicted to drugs.
She is off the drugs , has an apartment and she now has her son back who is 3 1/2. It has been a tough few years. I had lots of sleepless nights waiting for the phone to ring w/bad news.
The tough love worked for me, but I will forewarn you that it is not easy. I had a psychologist that really helped me get through it. My daughter and I have a much better relationship now.
My heart really goes out to you and your family. You are a great mom and grandmother..they are both fortunate to have you in thier lives. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Re: i am very desperate does anyone know where i can get daugher help
kinda thinkin,
i have come back to your post several times today to reread them just getting strentgh and to reinforce the idea that i am not the problem here. i must tell you it has been a day from h*** with her.i woke up and she is knocking on door,i had plans with grandaughter and errands to run and thought it would be fun to take my granddaughter(6) and get her hair cut and styled (she loved it by the way) but the whole time my daughter is calling me when are you gona be back,i need money im sick and cant eat until i get vicodins. i get home and i was actually shaking,ibs is acting up bad.she started in as soon as i got in door,the usual,im toxic,i wont help her on and on.well finally she screamed at me she hated me and i told her she had to get out and i could not live with her.i took her to her dads not a great living enviroment he is an acholic and right now is in recovery but still not good living conditions. she has called couple times since then telling me that if i cant help her now that whenever she does get better she will not ever have me in her life.i just told her that i could not talk to her at this time,i reinforced that i loved her and i dont know how to help her anymore than raising her daughter.i told my husband if she calls again tonite not to answer.i have did the tought love thing with her before and it really hates it and says that i hate her.but today i knew in order for me to not actually have a breakdown i had to make her leave.
so when i have questioned my decision to make her leave and things that she has said i have come back here and reread your post for strength i geuss because i am running low.
i just hope somewhere dow inside her she knows how much i love her.
thank you all for being here for me.
Re: i am very desperate does anyone know where i can get daugher help
You have done the right thing. There was a special on TV the other night about meth addicts , on A&E. It was very informative. the addicts themselves (now recovered) actually said, no one can help us, we have to hit rock bottom and feel like we're dying before we help ourselves. You can help her the rest of her life, and make it easier for her to use, or you can make it difficult for her to use.....but you can do it and believe it or not, you'll get to the point that you don't care either way any more. Not that you stop loving her, but you get tired and you have to let go for yourself................
