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Old 08-14-2006, 01:35 PM   #1
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: pocatello, idaho usa
Posts: 185
dyana HB User
Advice needed for meth son

I have a 34 year old son that uses meth badly and also is schiofrenic (sp)
I believe. He has had metal problems since childhood. He is extremely violent and beat his first wife and now his second. She uses too. He is in jail for I don't know how many times now for beating her. He lost custody of his 2 kids last year and has put the whole family thru hell. It' everybodys fault, not his. He has threatened to kill wife , me and his sister. I don't want anything to do with him, I'm scared of him and watch my back always. If he would just get on medication and off meth I think he would have a chance. I called NA yesterday knowing what they would say. Nothing I can do! I know that but he's my kid and my heart is broken. He has tried to hang hisself 2 times. I called the jail and told them he was a meth addict and would be going thru withdrawl and was suicidal. I called mental health and they said the same, he is an adult and he has to be the one to get help. No one wants anything to do with him, how awful.
Thanks for letting me dump,Dyana

 
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Old 08-15-2006, 09:33 AM   #2
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Join Date: Jan 2006
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dream life HB User
Re: Advice needed for meth son

Dyana,

I am so sorry for all the hurt & pain you & your family are going through! I wish there was something more I could tell you, but unfortunately, there's not. Everyone you have talked to is right - he has to want to get into recovery himself... no one can make him do it - it will not work unless he wants it to!

I can't even imagine how hard it must be to just have to sit back & watch your son ruin his life this way. I have a little girl who is almost 5, I love her so much & would be devistated if she ever did anything like I have. I am so glad & thankful to be clean these days. It's been a long, hard road to/through recovery so far - but it's the best thing I could have ever done for not only myself, but her as well. She's a beautiful part of me; it makes me sick to think about what I did in the past & how it could have affected her. I am so glad I reaced out for help when I did, before it got to the point that all the $ was going to the drugs... luckily for her, it wasn't to that point yet. She was always well cared for, had what she needed/wanted... but it was going to get to the point that I wouldn't have had what I needed to get her those things if I didn't quit using. I am honestly so proud of myself for what I have done & all that I have gone through... it is really so fun to be able to do things now with a clean mind, it's almost like being a kid again - I am learning so many new & wonderful things & I just look at her beautiful face, into those amazing eyes & think about how she helped me get through all this & will continue to help me through this process - even if she's not actually doing anything but being her adorable, lovable, beautiful, sweet self.

Sometimes when I think about the past, I can't believe all the crap I did & all the times I put myself in a situation where I could have lost the most important person in my life - she means the world to me & I love her more then I could ever explain! I would be devistated if I lost her, esp if it was my own fault b/c of stupid drugs!

I hope & pray for the future that she is not doomed to any of this BS. She is such a smart little girl & I want her to do the right thing if/when she is offered drinks & drugs. I want her to be stronger then her mama ever was & resist the urge to even want to try anything. But I realize that it's mostly out of my hands & she will make the choices herself. I just hope & pray that I am now capable of helping her to understand how terrible things can be if she were to choose that road. We have a special bond, mother/daughter, but I hope & pray every day that we will continue to have a special relationship & she will know that she can come to be & tell me anything & ask me anything, I will not get mad, I will be glad that she's honest & feels comfortable talking to me about anything she has on her mind & I will be totally honest with her, when the time is right for certain things of course.

All I ever wanted as I grew older was to have that type of relationship with my own mother, but it never happened. She & my sister who is 2 years older then me always had that... but not she & I. It was very hard & very hurtful to go through the years feeling so left out & feeling like I couldn't even go to my own mother to tell her anything. But these days, things are totally different. I didn't want her to know I was going through detox at first... but I called her my last night & she finally called back the next day & I told her everything. I was just so ashamed & afraid to hurt her to tell her before, but once I got it all off my chest, I felt 100% better - she told me how much she loved me & that she would always be right by my side to support me & do anything she could to help me. She was the biggest help when I got out of detox, my daughter & I moved back in with her... I didn't have a car at the time - she helped me out with rides to meetings & work when I went back (PT at first & slowly worked my way back up to FT when I was ready... I wanted to ease myself back into my life... I was afraid that if I went too fast, I would slip or relapse & I knew after detox that I never wanted to go back to that life I had before.) She was extremely helpful with my daughter, as well... driving her to daycare after driving me to work, picking her up from daycare after picking me up from work, watching her while I was at my meetings 7 days a week, helping me learn how to manage my money properly (at fist handling it for me & giving me $10 a week, then when I was ready really showing me how to do it all myself), helping me with my meds, helping me make the right choices (b/c when I first got out of detox I went back to making really bad choices - luckily none of which lead to a slip or relapse - but I was honest with her & she helped me get back on the right track), basically doing whatever I needed to help me... but not doing everything for me b/c I needed to learn how to manage life on my own for mine & my daughter's sake so that someday we could be on our own again & live a happy, healthy life. It's the realationship I always longed to have with my mother, of course it didn't come about how I had dreamed... but it was there, it always had been, I just hadn't realized it & realized it was me who hadn't accepted it when I was younger b/c I didn't see it there, didn't see her put in the effort back then & luckily, it wasn't too late to build a happy, healthy mother/daughter relationship!

I am sorry I went on like that! I truely hope that your son's eyes open up to what he is doing & realizes it's not the right life to lead & decides he needs to change things up & get help. Good luck!

~DL

 
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