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Old 06-11-2007, 08:03 AM   #1
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Unhappy Boyfriend addicted to herion

I'm a 31 year old female living in New Jersey. I've been with my b/f a 2 1/2 years and out of that he was in jail for 2 of those years. He has a history of herion use and still do. He is in denial b/c was just released from Detox on early part of April. He was going to his meetings then just stopped. I'm getting to the point where I want to give up. He is such a wonderful guy, God Fearing, family oreinted person.

I know he want's help b/c he made a statement to me he just needs to know how to stay off of it. And the only way I know is through Prayer but it feels like it's not working. I love him so much and kills me to see him addicted to something so horrible. Does anyone have any suggestions on something he can do or any places in Northern New Jersey that can help him He does not have health insurance right now.

HURTING

 
Old 06-11-2007, 08:09 AM   #2
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Re: Boyfriend addicted to herion

sorry to hear about your BF. Why don't you look into a N/A group in your area (narcotics anonomous)

 
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Old 06-11-2007, 08:11 AM   #3
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Re: Boyfriend addicted to herion

He was attending meetings for about 2 weeks but stop going. I'm trying to get him to go back but he has to detox first.

 
Old 06-11-2007, 08:15 AM   #4
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Re: Boyfriend addicted to herion

if he stops doing what he's suppossed to do, you need to be done with him....he's only going to drag you down with him

 
Old 06-11-2007, 08:29 AM   #5
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Re: Boyfriend addicted to herion

No i don't think so...I'm not that weak to let him drag me down. I've already kicked him out my house b/c I have a son to think about. So I'm not going to let that happen. It just hurts to see him doing that himself and I still want to help him.

 
Old 06-11-2007, 08:36 AM   #6
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Re: Boyfriend addicted to herion

You can't help him I'm afraid..only he can do that. The only way you can be of any 'help' to him is to refuse to let him in your life at all until he is clean. He needs tough love, as hard as it sounds. If he loves you more than the drug, he can and will break free from it.

 
Old 06-11-2007, 08:42 AM   #7
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Re: Boyfriend addicted to herion

Quote:
Originally Posted by Xant View Post
You can't help him I'm afraid..only he can do that. The only way you can be of any 'help' to him is to refuse to let him in your life at all until he is clean. He needs tough love, as hard as it sounds. If he loves you more than the drug, he can and will break free from it.

agree with the above.....you can't help him
he has to help himself.

although I don't agree with "if he loves you more than the drug"
that should be changed to "if he loves HIMSELF more than the drug"
sorry to burst your bubble but love and you have nothing at all to do with this equation.....

 
Old 06-11-2007, 08:54 AM   #8
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Re: Boyfriend addicted to herion

Actually, you are right Rose...he has to do it for himself in the first case. I think what I meant was that if he loves her more than the drug, then he would be doing it for himself to get her back..if that makes sense

 
Old 06-11-2007, 09:00 AM   #9
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Re: Boyfriend addicted to herion

Quote:
Originally Posted by Xant View Post
Actually, you are right Rose...he has to do it for himself in the first case. I think what I meant was that if he loves her more than the drug, then he would be doing it for himself to get her back..if that makes sense

I know what you mean, and I do understand, I just wanted to clarify for her that his addiction has absolutely NOTHING to do with her......
she didn't create it and she can't fix it.......and while it's a nice fantasy that love will overcome all, it's just not reality.
I don't want her to think that if he doesn't kick the habit, it's because he doesn't love her enough.....that would be really destructive thinking......

 
Old 06-11-2007, 09:06 AM   #10
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Re: Boyfriend addicted to herion

And you know Rosie that's what it is. I feel that he does not love me b/c if he did he would try and get some help which he did but did not stick to it. And it hurts me b/c I put so much time and effort trying to help him.

 
Old 06-11-2007, 09:11 AM   #11
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Re: Boyfriend addicted to herion

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ronnie3112 View Post
And you know Rosie that's what it is. I feel that he does not love me b/c if he did he would try and get some help which he did but did not stick to it. And it hurts me b/c I put so much time and effort trying to help him.

you have to STOP thinking like that......addiction is STRONGER than love......he has to love himself enough to stop. Don't take the blame, don't take the responsibility. Don't try to help him anymore than he's willing to help himself.....you're just enabling him and not helping him in the long run. You need to practice tough love, as hard as it is, you need to do it.

 
Old 06-11-2007, 09:16 AM   #12
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Re: Boyfriend addicted to herion

Ronnie this is one of the hardest addictions to beat. Heroin addicts lie, steal, prostitute themselves to get hold of the stuff...dont be too hard on yourself. They normally make many attempts at trying to get clean before they succeed.

As harsh as it seems, he really has to hit rock bottom, ie, no job, no friends, nowhere to live, no money etc before his brain will kick in and make him realize just what is happening there. It's at that point that they either drown, or start climbing.

As Rose implied, if he can't do it for himself, he won't be able to do it for another person, no matter how much they have helped them.

My niece is a heroin addict. She started when she was 12 and is now 23. Her parents have been through hell and back with her, trying to get help, forcing her into detox, rehab and everything else. She stole from them, money, the tv, anything that wasn't nailed down. They picked her up on the streets of Amsterdam where she would work for the money...at 14. She has been resucitated twice.

She had a baby 6 months ago and it has been taken away from her, she still hasn't made any real effort to stop, just to give you an idea of how hard it is to beat this thing.

Good luck, I'm hoping he will come round and realize what he is doing to himself and you two might one day be happy together

 
Old 06-11-2007, 10:57 AM   #13
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Re: Boyfriend addicted to herion

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ronnie3112 View Post
He was attending meetings for about 2 weeks but stop going. I'm trying to get him to go back but he has to detox first.
the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using. so he doesnt really have to detox first. but anyway, thats not really the advice i want to give YOU....

the best thing you can do for yourself and for him is to attend al-anon or narc-anon meetings. it is at these meetings where you will get all the love and support that you need. these meeting will teach you healthy behavior in regards to being in love with someone who is an addict.

please try it. i am praying for you both.

i was addicted to heroin for many many years, in and out of jail and prison, lost my home, went bankrupt. lost everything. believe me when i tell you that i needed to hit my bottom (really low one here) before i was able to take that first step into sobriety..... loving someone had nothing to do with it.
i just relapsed after 5 1/2 years. i relapsed for 10 days. i am now back on track. i will always be an addict. i will always need to attend meetings, help others, and most importantly; rely on my higher power.

i hope that you go to these meetings and find your answer.

m

 
Old 06-11-2007, 11:34 AM   #14
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Re: Boyfriend addicted to herion

Im so osrry to hear what your going through. I was married to a crank addict/acoholic. All I can say to you is LOVE cant fix this. You cant make him change. He has to want to do it himself. It doesnt mean he doesnt love you, he has a sickness and if and when he gets clean he will always be an addict.

 
Old 06-11-2007, 11:56 AM   #15
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Re: Boyfriend addicted to herion

Thanks for all you guys support. I will think about attending a meeting for me. It just hurt so bad. Deep down inside I know he was still getting high and he kept denying it.

And what really bothers me is that I grew up arond people in my family and friends close to my family addicted to drugs. My uncle died from AIDS b/c he use to skin pop. My b/f does not use needles his smokes or sniffs it. And I also found packets of Tylenol PM that he tried to hide from me. I dont's know I'm just so hurt that I wasted 2 1/2 years of my life.

 
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