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Old 09-29-2007, 06:55 PM   #1
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MYSISSYGIRLS HB User
Smile Thanks all

Hi all,
I would like to thank all of you for your quick response to my post. I was in a panic in my decision to back away from my daughter. I was second geussing going back on if i could do something different and I honestly do not see any avenue that i have not taken except to back away and let her do this herself.That decision this week has caused her to be very very angry with me.She has sent me very angry text messages. She did get kicked out of her place last week and she was going to go to womens shelter and boy that tore at my heart but i did not call her or respond. I wanted to but i kept thinking of what she had done to get kicked out of where she was staying and i dont blame the family member for kicking her out. My eldest is giving her a second chance at his home provided she stays clean and out of trouble. But i think it is a matter of time before she has a tantrum there. Honestly everything that everyone on here said is what i needed to hear ,I just was not trusting in my own judgement because I'm to the point at times that not sure what im thinking is crazy or not. I have been to al anon meetings couple times, most of my times at meetings have been to the actual na or aa meetings with her. I got alot of understanding for her addiction , just didnt get what i needed to cope with it as her mother.

Boy I tell you this has been a long long lonely road. But I wana do some guilt free living for my life and have to learn how to do that.

It really helped me to hear from those of you who are in recovery because I needed to hear that it does happen and you do it yourself not with someone holding your hand all the way ,although i know the struggle and hard work that is invested. I feel like everyones mother when i go to drug court with her and talk with other participants. I wana see them all succeed and have peace and love in there lives.

I will be back im sure. Everytime i have ever need to talk over the last few years someone on this board is always here to help. That is a Godsend.
I look for this week to get harder because she will expect me to cave and when i dont she will get meaner and angrier ( just based on past behavior)

Again Thank you and I did have a pretty good day today and hope you all did also,
tami

 
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Old 09-29-2007, 08:08 PM   #2
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lynn1961 HB User
Re: Thanks all

Hi Mysissygirls,

I, too, am a mother of an addict. I know exactly where you are coming from. We <me and his dad and other family members> have done everything we know to do to help him. We placed him in several rehabs over the years, ect. The 1 thing that i have finally learned is <being his mother and biggest enabler>.....the very best thing that I could possibly do is..absolutely NOTHING. Make him pay consequences for his own actions. We got tired of him stealing from us. So, to make a long story short, we had him arrested.It was the hardest thing I've ever done. But, he had od'd prior to us having him arrested so in a sense, I was relieved. He is alive at least. He currently is incarcerated, going through alcohol/drug rehab in the state pentitiary <sp?>I love my son more than life itself. This whole addiction thing kills me. I have to take anti-depressants to deal with it. I also go to a therapist to get myself well. I was addicted to getting him straight......which over the years i found out....I CANNOT get him straight....he has to do it himself. My son is 27 years old<will be 28 soon> I am hoping he will make it...He is doing great while being incarcerated <of course> But, seems to be grabbing lots of innformation this go round. He will call and share things with me and it is so refreshing to hear him sound so sincere and trying hard to grab what he can. I could go on and on about this subject and I hope I don't step out of line responding to you on this forum , as I , myself, am not an addict. Just keep your head up.....TRY to stay firm with your daughter. let her know you are finshed watching her self destruct! And.....keep yourself healthy.....go to a therapist or al-anon. It does help me.

God Bless,
LYNN

 
Old 09-29-2007, 09:23 PM   #3
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 291
ReadyToBeDone HB User
Re: Thanks all

Tami - we are all here for you. Anything I can do to help another addict, or friend/family member of an addict makes all the BS I went through not be in vain. Noone can tell you the mind of an addict better than another addict. I hope I didn't sound too harsh with the things I posted about your daughter, but sugar-coating things doesn't help and can often make them worse. Knowledge is your best bet right now, for your and your daughter's sake.

Lynn - This is an addiction and recovery board, so you're NOT out of line. Addiction is definitely a family disease because it hurts the addict and everyone who loves him/her. I hope your son makes it. Just make sure there is some kind of aftercare waiting on him when he is released (meetings, outpatient, all of the above). Having no aftercare contributed to all of my relapses. Staying clean is hard work. I, by no means, have this thing beat, but I know I have a better chance now that I've tapped in to all the outside resources available to me. These meetings are my lifeline.

Wishing the best for you both,
RTBD

 
Old 09-29-2007, 10:21 PM   #4
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maggie0704 HB User
Re: Thanks all

Hey Tami-
Just wanted to let u know that i responded to you in your other thread. It's a lot of blabbering on my part, but hopefully some of it helps or atleast makes sense.
Take care.

 
Old 09-30-2007, 08:12 AM   #5
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MYSISSYGIRLS HB User
Re: Thanks all

Quote:
Originally Posted by maggie0704 View Post
Hey Tami-
Just wanted to let u know that i responded to you in your other thread. It's a lot of blabbering on my part, but hopefully some of it helps or atleast makes sense.
Take care.
Hi,
Thank you for your post I greatly appreciate it, No you didnt blabber and it does make sense to me.
tami

 
Old 09-30-2007, 11:07 AM   #6
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oh-notagain HB User
Re: Thanks all

hey Tami

good luck with your daughter, i only hope that we helped you to feel better about taking care of YOU. I think i didnt mention before that i am also on sub, and yes, i do get cranky at times at mom sure doesnt appreciate it, but for the most part i remain grateful for what she has done for me, and continues to do for me. and as soon as i recognize my grumpy behavior i swallow my pride (gag on it if i have to) and apologize and make things right with her. 10th step AA. thats where i learned this behavior.
i honestly hope you're daughter does end up "getting it". and however that needs to happen, let it happen. ok, mom?

wish you success in your journey... michelle

lynn, when i got out of prison i was an angry bitter mess and used again. i did not have any recovery based activities set up. no therapy, no aa, no nothing. so, i naturally went right back to using. it was the only way i knew to deal with my feelings. even though i had been detoxed and sober for six months. so please, please, have something set up for you son when he gets out. dont count on probation being enough. therapy, meetings. call central office and have someone contact him when he gets home about getting to a meeting. they will even pick him up. use them. thats what they are there for, to form a human fence around him and help him stay sober. try it. just call and ask. you can find the number in your local phone book.

wish you lots of successes and giving you many hugs (and prayers),

michelle

 
Old 09-30-2007, 02:28 PM   #7
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Billings, Mt.
Posts: 47
mlfoley HB User
Re: Thanks all

Michelle,
When I started this neither I, my DR., and a PH.d Pharmacologist knew exactly what we were doing. As I say it was a steep learning curve. Suboxone is so new out here that there's only 2 Drs in the state that can script it and they're 500 miles apart and only one pharmacy would get it for me, Costco. Thanks for the info and that could be why this WD is lasting longer than I thought it would too. But again it's the easiest WD I've ever had.
mlfoley

 
Old 09-30-2007, 02:36 PM   #8
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: MO. USA
Posts: 247
lynn1961 HB User
Re: Thanks all

Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-notagain View Post
hey Tami

good luck with your daughter, i only hope that we helped you to feel better about taking care of YOU. I think i didnt mention before that i am also on sub, and yes, i do get cranky at times at mom sure doesnt appreciate it, but for the most part i remain grateful for what she has done for me, and continues to do for me. and as soon as i recognize my grumpy behavior i swallow my pride (gag on it if i have to) and apologize and make things right with her. 10th step AA. thats where i learned this behavior.
i honestly hope you're daughter does end up "getting it". and however that needs to happen, let it happen. ok, mom?

wish you success in your journey... michelle

lynn, when i got out of prison i was an angry bitter mess and used again. i did not have any recovery based activities set up. no therapy, no aa, no nothing. so, i naturally went right back to using. it was the only way i knew to deal with my feelings. even though i had been detoxed and sober for six months. so please, please, have something set up for you son when he gets out. dont count on probation being enough. therapy, meetings. call central office and have someone contact him when he gets home about getting to a meeting. they will even pick him up. use them. thats what they are there for, to form a human fence around him and help him stay sober. try it. just call and ask. you can find the number in your local phone book.

wish you lots of successes and giving you many hugs (and prayers),

michelle
Thank you Michelle.....We have not discussed continued after-care as of yet, but, we will. He is going to AA meetings while incarcerated. So, hopefully, he will continue. He has gone to AA and NA meeting before and has worked the 12 step program but of course quit.Actually, I think everybody,addicts and non addicts, should work the 12 step program. It is a good program. As someone said, it is not just the addicts disease, it is a family disease. I became ill trying to help him. Mentally and physically. I will continue recieving help for myself. I have to get healthy and stay healthy! We adopted my son and his girlfriends baby. His girlfriend is an addict as well.

thanks for your support and I support you and everyone on this forum, as I know how difficult drug addiction is,

God bless and take care,
LYNN

 
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