Hi I am new to this thread, and I have run out of options to help my B-I-L.
I don't know what to do anymore. Hes been in and out of jail for the past 3 years, and he is addicted to crack, hes the luckies SOB I have ever seen. He lived in Va Beach, and while fleeing from the police, the cops wrecked they're car and 1 of them ended up in critical condition. Usually someone would go to jail for a very long time, not him..he goes to jail, becomes an ordained minister, and gets out after only serving 6 months..
after totally draining his mom and dad of everything that they had, they move to Ohio with us, my B-I-L moved in with his uncle cause I wouldn't let him move in with me,my hubby and kids. moving on.. he ended up going back to jail 2 more times, both times Va Beach came and got him and took him back for probation violation. This last time he got out and they said time served, which it wasn't , he got 10 years probation, served only about 1 1/2 years of it all together. Now hes back, got back 1 1/2 weeks ago, and hes up to his old/same self again. Last night his mom called me and said he left her stranded at children's hospital and took her car. 2008 cyion sp*..anyways, I go and get her and woahhh and behold there he was..tried telling me that the police pulled him over and "let" him go, (been there, done that, got the t-shirt) but the car was still on the street. So of course me being the person that I am, took my mom in law and bro in law to get the car..To my great surprise ( NOT ), there it was sitting in the middle of crackville, guys watching our every move. I waited till my mom in law was in the car, followed them out of the neighbor hood. And went home..
I don't know what to do anymore, my mom in law is afraid of him when he don't have it, and I could , well don't wanna say what I could do to him. My hubby was a crack addict for about 3 years and it took leaving him and loosing everything that he had for him to get straight. Thank God he is doing great, thats why I WILL NOT let his brother around him. I know how easy it is to fall back into an addiction.
BUT I don't know what to do about him, ive called the police on him, everything I can think of. Ive even told my mom in law that she cant see the kids as long as he is there, so in order for her to see them, she takes them to her sisters and stays the night there. Shes had heart surgery and I don't want to keep the kids from her because I never know when it might be her last time seeing them, and I don't want to be the cause of her having another heart attack.
Does anyone have any clues to what I can do, Im stuck..please help
Hi! I'd just like to say that I'm just begining what you've been living through.
You must be pretty strong to be where you are now. You have to do
whats best for you and your family (husband, kids, mom inlaw) and that's it. Don't let this person ruin what you and your husband have worked at. I wish you luck.
My brother has just been arrested for the first time. He's also on crack and mentally ill. I'm at the point where I don't even think of this person as my brother. Although somewhere inside I think there must be a small part of the real "him". We smoked pot and drank for fun growing up. We swore we'd never do other "hard" drugs. I never did, he did. I think it's the mental illness and lack of meds that made him want to smoke crack. It's funny he won't take meds do to the side effects but he'll smoke crack or whatever he can. I've tried to help him for years, I can't..I know. The crack use has been for the last few mths, mental illness the last few years. I want to help him and will never reallllly give up. Although I've learned to step back, which I really needed to do, Maybe you do too. We're hoping he has to get treatment instead of jail but we really have no clue what to expect. No one in our family has ever been to jail or on crack, we're clueless.
Last edited by Administrator; 11-15-2007 at 08:38 PM.
Reason: Inappropriate and not allowed here.
First off I am sorry of what you are going through..2nd, I know you think you are not addicted, but if you cant go without it for 1-2 days, your addicted..so try going without it..but to your brother, is he in prison or just county jail? If he is in prison, talk to someone there and have him tested for bi-polar disease..in my experience (hubby) and brother in law, both are bi-polar. And research that I have done, there is something that has to do with the disease that makes you think you have to have crack, especially if you have ever been put on drugs like (sp) rydlin...its like crack in the legal form...tegratol (sp) is for bi-polar, and boy oh boy it works...
If he is your blood brother, do everything in your power to help him, but if it gets to hard, tough love is the best, but if your like me and its your bro in law, do what you can, but don't stress yourself...cut him off from everything, tell him hes not welcome in your home, even if its your real brother..
Ive done all of the above with my b-i-l, but let me tell you something, he is the biggest drama king I have ever met, thats another thing, he will cry with the drop of a pen, he will tell you everything that you wanna hear, but I have found that he only does it to shut me up. HIS MOTHER had a serious heart surgery, he cried, said he was done... soon as she was out of the woods, he went straight to the pay phone, called someone and they brought the shi# to him!! Its gonna either take a near death experience for him to wake up, or its gonna take death its self..
soooo watch out, drama is a big thing with them.. I hope something in my rambling has helped, its actually helped me to ramble..lol
I guess you're right about being addicted, but I have stopped serveral times.
I'm not sure if I mentioned it before but my brother is also bipolar. He is a drama king like you said your b-i-l is. The stories are so out there and crazy I never know what the truth is. He is demanding, expects everyone to give him money, take care of him, ect..and until a few weeks before he went to county jail we did. But finally we all said enough is enough, no more money, living at my dads, basically free loading. He claims that he "works" all the time, but it's all drug related and he NEVER has money. He's soo thin.the list goes on and on. I'm glad to know I'm not alone. I'm mostly afraid of what is going to happen when when he gets out of jail in a rage because no one came to bail him out. I guess we'll see...
Yes, it makes me feel better to vent too, thanks for listening
Last edited by Administrator; 11-15-2007 at 08:41 PM.
Reason: no illegal drug use discussion except related to recovery from addiction!
I know how you are feeling, believe me. I am a recovering crack addict (10 years clean). I am so glad I quit that devil! My life is so great without crack. But, I had to make the choice to stop using, nobody could do it for me. "Rock bottom" is what alot of us must endure to overcome our addiction to crack. He sounds like he is getting way too much support (home, car, money) from you and your family. If his addiction only affects the people who love him, but not him personally then he will never realize the damage he has caused in his own life. I know it's hard to turn away someone who needs help, but in turning away you are helping him and yourself. Unfortunately, some people never quit. The longer he is on the drug, the harder it is for him to stop using.
Today, I have a sister who is now using crack. I have tried countless times to convience her to stop using, but I have not been successful. I basically have given up on her. I can not be around her because I fear I might relapse. I now have to protect myself and my family from her. Therefore, I have agreed to testify against her in family court in the best interest of her kids. She only has them on weekends because she has failed drug tests in the past. It is so sad to hear the children say they can't trust their mother. She steals from them, makes promises she can't keep, forgets to pick them up from school, and drops them off with friends and family during her visitations. They have asked me to do this. My sister thinks she is being deprived of her kids. She cries because she can not see them. I am so confused because when she had them she would go on binges for days and not spend time with the children. She always blames everyone for her problems. She has not admitted she has a problem and has not took responsibility for her actions. I do not think she can overcome her addiction successfully without holding herself personally responsible, but she seems to think she can. I do not think she is sincere. She states she is going to get her kids back. Lately, 3 weeks, she has refrained herself from crack. She says she has quit. But, I feel 3 weeks is way too soon to determine if a year long addiction has been beat. I feel she is just doing this to make the rest of us, the kids too, look stupid before the court. Once she has her kids back, I fear she will start using again. This has happened in the past. However, I must support her and brag about her trying to quit. I pray this time it's because she wants to stop, not because she is being forced to do so.