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Old 12-01-2007, 10:22 PM   #1
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lotsofemotion HB User
It has been almost a week out of rehab

Hello Everyone,

Well I told ya'll that I would give an update since my husband came home. Monday will be a week and things are not going so well. For the firs couple of days he was real happy to be home and to be with us but now his mood has changed. He is easily angered and is starting to get a little physical. I don't know if I can stand beside him through this. I have to worry about mine and the kids safety. I don't think that it will get so bad to where he just goes on a violent rampage or anything, I just don't know what to expect right now. Is this normal behavior after getting out of rehab? He has been going to meetings on his own this past week and so far has been doing fine except for the anger. I hope someone has some answers for me or some suggestions of what I can do. When he came home I was so happy and wanted to spend time with him and now I wish he wasn't here We have argued the past 3 days and I have been the person trying to walk away, usually I am right back in his face fighting back. Is it so bad of me for not wanting him here with us right now? Oh yeah, he also told me that he was taking 20-30 pills (lortab) on a good day. Before he went into rehab he told me he was only taking 10-12.

I hope all is going well for everyone.

J

Last edited by lotsofemotion; 12-01-2007 at 10:31 PM.

 
Old 12-02-2007, 12:06 AM   #2
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Re: It has been almost a week out of rehab

Lotsof emotion,first,lemme give ya a big long hug******hugs*****
ok,the anger thing I think is normal.please,dont let it get out of hand,and if you can,please remind him.He may not even be aware that he is acting like that.I'm going thru the same thing right now,only I'm getting off of alot of pills at home,on my own.I have noticed myself yelling at the kids for stuff I shouldnt be,and then apologising afterward.This is kind of an emotional time.Please bear with him,but at the same time dont let it get out of hand.yelling is one thing but there is absolutely no room or call for anything physical.Ever.
Please understand that this is going to take some time.
Keep posting and know that there are alot of us here that are or already have gone thru the same thing.
**more hugs**
peace.
jerry.

 
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Old 12-02-2007, 02:36 AM   #3
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captnanny HB User
Re: It has been almost a week out of rehab

Jerry's right. I am going through the same thing also. the agitation and anger is big. I think you might if you feel safe enough, let him know that he is becoming too aggressive and you understand that he is still going through the withdrawals. I would make your safety the number one priority. Only you can truly know whether it will come to violent outbursts. For me, after I blow up I feel horrible. I too apologize and try to make up for it. It does happen often. I guess it is part of the process of withdrawal. How long was he taking them for? do you know? I probably read it somewhere but it is part of the withdrawals. For me I feel bad after I realize I have gotten unrealistically angry. Maybe he feels it too. Maybe he doesn't even know. I don't know if I have helped or not, but Jerry said it well.

 
Old 12-02-2007, 02:53 PM   #4
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Re: It has been almost a week out of rehab

Captnanny and Jerry,
Thank you for responding to me. Ya'll have helped me understand some. He has been taking them recreational for a little over a year, but he started taking them everyday since May (that was his last surgery). I tried to talk to him today about his anger but he says he knows how angry he got and he had every reason to get that way. I disagreed with him because it was really out of hand. Another thing that is bothering me is when he was in rehab he made friends with several people more girls than anything. Now he is talking to this one, she lives 3-4 hrs away from us but he texts her and she calls as a private number. He told me she had her number changed and her family set it up to where no one could get her new number and contact her. He says that he is just trying to help her out. I reminded him that I am his wife and I am here for him when he wants to talk about how he is feeling and I will be there. I am not going to judge him in anyway. How can I help him if he won't let me in and I find it a little insulting that he will talk to another girl instead of me. Am I just being insecure about this or what? We have been arguing the past several days and we have barely spoke a word to each other. I just don't get it, when he got home he wanted to be with me and talk, all that stuff now he is being a complete a** hole. This is hard!

 
Old 12-02-2007, 04:29 PM   #5
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captnanny HB User
Re: It has been almost a week out of rehab

Not sure what to tell you. It sounds like he is really confused. I also and please forgive me but am thinking about the movie "when a man loves a women" with Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia. It's the opposite where she goes into treatment and comes home, has more guy friends and they just can't get along. They do work it out. Have you tried going to alanon meetings? They can be very helpful and provide a lot of information about the changes that take place when a spouse gets clean. Usually a lot of anger is expressed, unrealistic, surpressed, or something that they are not quite ready to accept. You are married and he should come to you for support, it sounds like he found other supportive people which is ok, just don't let him meet with this girl if you have suspicions. You need to get yourself a support system too. This board is great. We are all users, but I have heard a lot of good things about alanon. Maybe you can go to one. If he's not willing to listen to your feelings right now, then maybe you need to tell him that it's a two way street. His feelings are no more important than yours and respecting each others feelings should be a starting point.
Does this make anysense?

 
Old 12-02-2007, 08:49 PM   #6
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lotsofemotion HB User
Re: It has been almost a week out of rehab

captnanny,
yes it does make sense, thank you. he has been going to alanon meetings and i told him that i would like to go with him and he said that he can't take me. i don't know if that is true or not. if it isn't i guess he doesn't want me to go so he could tell his true feelings about everything and not worry about how i am going to react to it. i don't know, i am just so confused and angry i can't stand it! i am trying to be patient but this silence and cold shoulder thing is really getting to me. i will keep you up to date on things. thank you so much for talking with me, i really needed to talk to someone who can give me some insight on things.

 
Old 12-02-2007, 09:56 PM   #7
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Lotty667 HB UserLotty667 HB UserLotty667 HB User
Re: It has been almost a week out of rehab

lotsofemotion - Hi. Been reading about your situation. Your husband is attending AA meetings. Alanon meetings are for families of alcoholic/addicts. These are meetings where you learn to deal with living with an addict whether he/she be using or in recovery.

For myself, I attend both, because I have lived on both sides of this horrible disease. And please remember IT IS A DISEASE! Alanon will give you the tools you need to deal with this situation and will also let you know that you ARE NOT ALONE. This is a family disease. The person using isn't the only casualty of this disease, the family suffers as well.

Hope this has helped you some. Take care.

Lizzie

 
Old 12-03-2007, 12:43 PM   #8
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Re: It has been almost a week out of rehab

Wow, i know what you are going through... My (newly ex) was released from rehab mid october.. we faught nonstop til we decided to get seperated.. we finally called it off around thanksgiving.. He was a totally different person.. really irratable.. mean.. selfish etc.. i wanted to see him cuz i missed him.. and he wanted to be alone all the time.. picked up bad habits like smoking and gained almost 30 pounds.. came back a completely different person. I miss him more than life and am struggling with depression and getting over him right now... He was using oxycontin.. he has also been clean since sept 20th and has been attending meetings on a regular basis... I became so co-dependent on him that I can't get through a day on my own.. My head says that it is better off that we are no longer together.. but my heart will always love him... He turned into a cold selfish person.. but he needs to focus on himself right now so I can't get in the way of his recovery either... I stuck beside him through his addiction, lost job, lost house, ruined credit, etc.. and none of that mattered when he was released from rehab because he just didn't have the patience or love for me as he did when he was high.. Plus i was so used to his personality high that when he got out i didn't know how to react... good luck with everything though.. its the hardest thing ive experienced.. so let me know if you need someone to talk to..

 
Old 12-04-2007, 05:51 AM   #9
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Re: It has been almost a week out of rehab

Quote:
Originally Posted by mxchick View Post
Wow, i know what you are going through... My (newly ex) was released from rehab mid october.. we faught nonstop til we decided to get seperated.. we finally called it off around thanksgiving.. He was a totally different person.. really irratable.. mean.. selfish etc.. i wanted to see him cuz i missed him.. and he wanted to be alone all the time.. picked up bad habits like smoking and gained almost 30 pounds.. came back a completely different person. I miss him more than life and am struggling with depression and getting over him right now... He was using oxycontin.. he has also been clean since sept 20th and has been attending meetings on a regular basis... I became so co-dependent on him that I can't get through a day on my own.. My head says that it is better off that we are no longer together.. but my heart will always love him... He turned into a cold selfish person.. but he needs to focus on himself right now so I can't get in the way of his recovery either... I stuck beside him through his addiction, lost job, lost house, ruined credit, etc.. and none of that mattered when he was released from rehab because he just didn't have the patience or love for me as he did when he was high.. Plus i was so used to his personality high that when he got out i didn't know how to react... good luck with everything though.. its the hardest thing ive experienced.. so let me know if you need someone to talk to..
Things will get easier as time goes by.Please don't let a man ruin your happiness.Sorry to say this but he doesn't sound very desireable.Think of all the crap he has and is putting you through and get angry instead of depressed.He is not the man you thought he was so you need to move on!

 
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