I never dreamed that i we would be in this sitation. My husband has been abusing alchohol for the past year. He shoots 6 beers down in a 1/2 hour and hides bottles of Hot Damn in the barn. I know that he will stop at a party store and down something before coming home. I have confronted him on several occasions and yesterday we took our first steps. I went to alanon and he went to AA. Alanon had nobody but me there and at my husbands AA meeting, he said, "There was'nt anyone there like his case, just a bunch of drug addicts and prostitutes". He said he will still go, but I have my doubts. If he tries this on his own, what can I do to make him feel that he has my support and that i'm not on the attack? I'm sure the kids and I will be experiencing mood swings. From the outside looking in, he is a very likable sweet guy. Behind closed doors we may be walking on eggshells. Do i mention to him what he might be going through the next few days or do I stay silent?
You have to take care of yourself first and foremost. If you don't, you cannot help your children or your husband.
If there was no one else at AlAnon, try a different AlAnon meeting at a different time of day or hit a meeting at a different location. Sometimes larger meetings have more people attending both 12 Step programs.
As for the AA meeting he attended, check into other meetings around town. Depending upon the size of the city where you live, you may well find meetings with a greater variety of people attending. The point is to keep going back to meetings to learn how to live a sober life.
Why would you tell your husband how horrible detoxing from booze will be? He'll find out as he experiences it. He likely knows far more than you may think he does about it anyway. To discuss how hard it's going to be ahead of time just gives him ammo to stop doing the deed, to begin drinking again.
For me, attending 12 Step meetings every single day was paramount in the first 90 days of my recovery. That may sound impossible, but as I wrote here recently and have said dozens of times, if I had time to drink and drug each day, I definitely had sixty minutes for an AA or NA meeting each day.
Whether he continues to attend AA meetings or not, whether he gets sober or keeps on drinking, you can find an AlAnon meeting and go for yourself and your children. Depending upon their ages, there may also be AlaTeen meetings for them, too.
Muriel, thanks for your reply. It was odd last night when my husband came home from work. I guess I was expecting him to be a little down and out of sorts when it was just the opposite. He came home in a very upbeat jokingly way. I didn't know what to make of that. Now I feel that he must have went off some where. I hate thinking this way. I hate feeling like I don't trust him. I don't want to laugh along with him like everything should be swept under the rug.
Yes, I am going to another alanon meeting in a different location. He said he will go tomorrow because he will be working the whole day today. I won't give up because I love my family and I love my husband. He really is a great guy. I just need to focus on how to handle everything. It seems so ovewhelming!
Anymore comments are greatly appreciated.
Coming from a whole family of addicts, including my father I would say the best thing you can do is keep going to those alanon meetings. Muriel was right with everything she said in her post. They do have alateen meetings and in some cases Alatot, I think that is a lot like a babysitting service for the little ones. I remember going when I was about 11 so you don't really have to be a teenager. They were the best thing. Then my dad found out so I could no longer go back. It sucked big time. As for your husband, is he even aware he has a problem or is he saying it to keep you off his back? He has to be aware and want to stop. He may be, and that is a good first step. Some people never get to that step. I just think he may need some more meetings, at least if he can find one where he feels like he fits in that would be great.
As for the detox, it will be heck for all of you. No don't tell him, he will find out himself and that is when relapse will occur if he doesn't truly want to quit. Get yourself some support first or at the same time and just take care of you and your kids. If there is an elephant in the room acknowledge it. You don't have to say you know he was drinking, but you don't have to laugh either. Just be, let us know how the alanon meeting went. i hope you can find support and phone numbers.
Catnappy, I don't think my kids (10 & 12) have a clue that he is an extreme drinker. My husband hides it very well. Just on a few occasions they witnessed alchohol affected his abilities. They see that he drinks a beer or 2 on a weekend or if company comes over playing cards.
My husband comes from parents who are alchoholics. We actually had an intervention about 9 years ago for his mother. She said she would go the next day to admitt herself and it never happened. Nothing was ever mentioned again and it too was swept under the rug.
I just want my husband to realize what is at stake here. He has just landed a wonderful job as Supervisor and has the ability to climb the Corporate ladder. He has 2 great kids and a wife that will support him. But, I need a husband that can support me as well (emotionally). I need him to focus on his problem, but as you said, how do I know that he is only going through the motions? Should'nt I have seen a different side of him last night from not drinking anything? Why do I feel like I am sort of a investigater looking for answers?
Thankyou for your reply. It iall helpful as I need as much as I can get.