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Old 12-15-2007, 06:13 PM   #1
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chrys80 HB User
my boyfriend is addicted to crack what can i do?

my boyfriend is doing crack every 3 or 6 months and he spends all of his money and we end up with nothing...

i met him last year during summer time when he was on vacations/recovery in my country... and we were on the phone for almost all the winter we missed eachother so much that he decided to come back to see me again ... and get to know me better; it was so nice.. we had so good time together...and left after 3 months.
After a while in august he was disapeared and found after 2 days somewhere without money and without truck ...(which was of his cousin/boss truck) i had already planned to leave my country for him and ...i decided to give him a chance ..and i decided to come.... so everything was going perfect until now ! we were about to get married and he is disapeared again and he has this time his paycheck and his visacard... and car...
his parents are dealing with this for long time... they were telling me that he is doing this every 3 to 6 months and that i shouldnt trust him but he was so confident about himself and I couldnt realise until now how much addicted to this he is... the only thing that i m thinking of is that he should have known that he was so weak and that he could end up doing this again and quit drinking alcoohol and pot...
i should have known about this... i didnt want to be his mam to tell him what to do or whats right to do..and ...i though that this way he wouldnt ...try this again... but..........that was a mistake..

Last edited by chrys80; 12-15-2007 at 08:00 PM. Reason: help-advice

 
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Old 12-16-2007, 12:01 AM   #2
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Re: my boyfriend is addicted to crack what can i do?

of course he is going to tell me what i wanna hear... i have already the picture in mind... it is just that i dont know if i want to deal with this or not... it is always better to decide when u are not emotionally involved with a person.. and right now i just dont know what to do...should i go back or set my rules and give him some time to recover and hopefully get clean... i dont know if this is going to work or not...
it is driving me nuts..it so disrespectful...he is missing 24 hours already im so angry and frustrated ...

he is doing this every 3 or 6 months..... and the last time he said that he doesnt like it...and that he is turning to somebody else .....and that person isnt himself............

Last edited by chrys80; 12-16-2007 at 12:11 AM.

 
Old 12-16-2007, 02:37 AM   #3
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Yossarian22 HB User
Re: my boyfriend is addicted to crack what can i do?

leave him - tell him if he ever wants to have the slightest chance of getting back together then he has to check into a clinic/treatment center and stay for the full ammount of time then as christian77 said get into a recovery program. then you can 'maybe' discuss a future together. But for now - you need to remove yourself from this situation as its not good for you. i would bet everything i own on saying that this is happening more than every 3-6months, its probably happening on a smaller scale more often - as i dont know many people addicted to crack who can leave it that long before having a blow out.

focus on YOUR life - he has to help himself (if thats what he really wants?).

hang in there and be strong.

keep us informed of whats going on - we'll all try and help as much as possible

yoss22

keep on keepin on
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"All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain."

 
Old 12-16-2007, 04:28 AM   #4
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Re: my boyfriend is addicted to crack what can i do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Yossarian22 View Post
leave him - tell him if he ever wants to have the slightest chance of getting back together then he has to check into a clinic/treatment center and stay for the full ammount of time then as christian77 said get into a recovery program. then you can 'maybe' discuss a future together. But for now - you need to remove yourself from this situation as its not good for you. i would bet everything i own on saying that this is happening more than every 3-6months, its probably happening on a smaller scale more often - as i dont know many people addicted to crack who can leave it that long before having a blow out.

focus on YOUR life - he has to help himself (if thats what he really wants?).

hang in there and be strong.

keep us informed of whats going on - we'll all try and help as much as possible

yoss22

keep on keepin on
thanks for the advice..i really appreciate this... as i dont have any clue of what im going to do right now..
he came home 2hours ago ... i was half asleep and he woke me up...he explained me everything... no excuses...."after the party he drove everyone home -as i already knew from his coleages -and then he bought from somewhere crack and smoked it somewhere....he was for hours in the car ....he couldnt face me" he said "i ruined your life" he thought he could bit this by himself.... in fact he is actually doing crack every 3 months the earliest..this is true but if he wants to get clean i told him that he sould quit everything obviously...alcohol and pot ... i said to him that i dont want to be part of this ****.... and if he is willing to get clean he must follow rules....and maybe....im staying otherwise i should go home...there is no place for me here

 
Old 12-16-2007, 11:28 AM   #5
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jules3 HB User
Re: my boyfriend is addicted to crack what can i do?

well you gave yourself some good advice..it certainly sounds like you know what to do..he can say he wants help and he wants to stop...but dont believe him until you actually see him doing SOMETHING about it. no excuses, he can find a program somewhere..

 
Old 12-16-2007, 08:41 PM   #6
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Re: my boyfriend is addicted to crack what can i do?

Hello Chrys

I know what it is like to love someone. Sometimes we can be so blinded by love that we forget that a relationship needs to be a meeting of the minds a well as the heart. Boyfriend and you might have a strong connection romantically, but the minds are very far apart. If the minds are not together, the hearts will quickly fall apart also. This is not what we want in a relationship that might lead to marriage and children!

There is no firm commitment between you and the time to get out of this relationship is now, while the going can be done fairly easily. You are inversting your time and love and thoughts into a man who is in no position to do the sme for you. This is a pretty lopsided and unhealthy relationship.

I know that if it were your sister or good friend telling you the story you are telling here, you would surely tell them to run for the hills s fast as they could. You would tell them they are worth much more than this kind of relationship with a man who has serious, serious problems that only he can change.

Real love, the truest love, is based on accepting the partner as they are wholly and fully and wanting them as they are, not in a changed version. Can you accept a drug addict fully and wholly? Do you want a drug addict as a life mate and soul partner? Will he be a dependable husband and father someday? Is he a man you would want your daughter to choose someday as her partner? I hope not to all these things. This should be time in your life of seeking out relationships that make you happy, make you feel good to be in. The relationship you have with Boyfriend sure isn't doing this.

The hurt will pass, Chrys. I believe that the special one will come into your path someday. Someone you will not have to see changes in before staying with him. This is what you deserve in life and have a right to expect.

Wishing you well
reach

 
Old 12-17-2007, 11:25 AM   #7
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Re: my boyfriend is addicted to crack what can i do?

hi there, thanks for the advice...i havent decided yet what i m going to do... i m thinking of staying here for a while and support him... the thing is that he is willing to do anything to get rid of this problem... ! he threw away the weed ! and he said that he is too old for this s.... he cant deal with this anymore ! he is so sick of it...and so depressed!!! he only do this when he is drunk with the wrong people...
he shouldnt have gone to this party!!!!!! everybody there was a very bad influence for him! he hadnt done it for 4 months and he shouldnt have gone there.....he feels so stupid !

anyways .. we had a long talk yesterday and he said that he had been to several recovery meetings and it didnt really help him ....so he stopped after a while and tried to quit it for good by himself........my opinion is that he just has to quit alcohol, pot and any bad influence that he has
and im very positive that he will never do this again....!!!

also im thinking that he must do some cleansing!!!! this is going to help him so much!! his nervous system is in a very bad condition now ! if he starts training again ( he used to run in races) he will be fine... i think that he will manage to get rid of this ..... i m hoping....!!! anyways he has so many good qualities !!!!!! it is unacceptable this ....

am i blind????

Last edited by chrys80; 12-17-2007 at 11:42 AM.

 
Old 12-17-2007, 12:24 PM   #8
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mk7657 HB User
Re: my boyfriend is addicted to crack what can i do?

Love is blind. It is common to stay in UNHEALTHY relationships when we are in love. This relationship is bad for you. Please get out. He is using you for a place to live and to get drugs. Addicts are the BEST liers. Believe me, I am one. This board is full of stories about people who steal money from loved ones to buy drugs. If you don't get out or he doesn't get clean, it is only a matter of time before he steals from you.

Good luck,

mk

Last edited by mk7657; 12-17-2007 at 12:26 PM.

 
Old 12-17-2007, 12:31 PM   #9
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Yossarian22 HB User
Re: my boyfriend is addicted to crack what can i do?

he can say all the right things at the right times - i would be very suprised if he manages to quit without any professional help. we can only give you recommendations - though it sounds like youve made up your mind already

good luck

i hope it all goes well

yoss
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"All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain."

 
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