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Old 01-01-2008, 11:49 AM   #1
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SisterMooo HB User
Mother needs help

I need help dealing with my addict son.

his drug of choice lortab, oxy, xanax, vicodin etc
20 to 30 lortab a day...

he is now in Detox/rehab is going to a half way house when they find a bed for him.

My problem is I don't understand the mindset of the addict. This is not the same son I raised

He could give a crap about anything right now, except hockey.

He has let all of his school loans (which we co-signed) bills laps

I want to understand his mindset, I don't want to do more damage to his mindset......

What is the best thing I can do to help him?

 
Old 01-01-2008, 12:31 PM   #2
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DroopyEyes HB User
Re: Mother needs help

Hi mam, I'm glad you reached out here.

My initial suggestion is to watch the TV show "Intervention" on A&E. I have found a lot of insight into the mind of an addict (I'm a pain pill addict and my brother is an alcoholic) watching it. It sure drives home that nice people can be addicts, not just "skid row bums".

My own quick answer re understanding an addict's perspective: for me...I think I take pain medicine for a similar reason that any person has a drink at 7pm. It smooths out the rough edges. It gives me a sense of calmness and "ahhhh". Unfortunately, I use them to cope when it would be more healthy to feel pain (both physical and emotional). It becomes easier to pop a pill, rather than just deal my way through stress. Then the body becomes addicted and (my opinion) we keep taking drugs to avoid withdrawals ("w/d"), which can be horrible.

I'm here to listen anytime you need, whether now or months from now. Keep in touch and let us know how you and your son are doing.

Droopy

 
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Old 01-01-2008, 02:13 PM   #3
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mano2008 HB User
Re: Mother needs help

Good you are getting involved. You could research on the internet what changes have happened to your sons brain, and why he will do most anything to get opiates, and why it is one of if not the hardest drug to quit. It will be a long while before he overcomes this, and your support and encouragement will help.

If you search the words "opiates brain receptors" you'll probably find a few interesting articles.

Once he's home, staying busy and exercising are 2 very healthy things he can do to help his recovery along.

I wish you both the best!! This has to be his fight, and he has to want it, but it can be done.

mano

 
Old 01-01-2008, 02:15 PM   #4
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jules3 HB User
Re: Mother needs help

sis , go on and read my posts.maybe you can learn everything i have...how old is your son? my 21 yr old son got a deferrment on his college loans..have him try that.

 
Old 01-01-2008, 04:59 PM   #5
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toomany HB User
Re: Mother needs help

Hi,

As an alcoholic/addict myself who has struggled with addiction and also the mother of an addict, I can tell you that what helped me the most was going to Alanon and therapy. You will learn a lot about addiction in those rooms and also get some much needed support. I'm glad to hear he is in rehab but I'm sure you get it that this may not be the end of the addiction problem. Unfortunately, the relapse rate is very high. If you have been reading here you know that by now. It takes a lot of time, there are many bumps or pot-holes in the road ahead. Learn all you can and number one is get some support for yourself. I can't stress enough how very important this step is.

Today my life is very good, I'm sober over 3 years and my son picked up a 1 year chip in November. I didn't think he was going to make it and he very nearly did not. Taking care of myself and seeking support is what helped me get through this very very difficult period. I seriously wondered during that time if I would ever feel joy and peace again. I am happy to say that is so for me today.

Take care,
Patty
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Old 01-01-2008, 07:13 PM   #6
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Re: Mother needs help

congratulations patty..

 
Old 01-01-2008, 08:16 PM   #7
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jewls49 HB User
Re: Mother needs help

I feel for you! I, myself, have been in recovery for 9+ years ,.I've known
about my daughters addiction for several years. If you don't have addiction yourself, --you will NEVER understand his "mindset"--conpletely.


Two basic things:
(1) LOVE HIM---respect his "choices". (unless life or death matter0
(Don't make decisions for him----let him make Hs own mistakes in action and judgements, whichhe will learn from.

(2) Don't preach about ANYTHING to him.! He will be very defensive---becasue he already feels he is very wrong about things. Bite your tongue alot and listen to him when he talks. DO NOT take anything persoNLY may try to blame you, family, workl, etc...for everything. Just say, I am sorry that affected you so teribly, or "what can I do to make it better/

 
Old 01-06-2008, 02:57 PM   #8
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SisterMooo HB User
Re: Mother needs help

Daniel is coming home from rehab on Friday. He'll be home till a bed opens up at a halfway house near us.

I'm scared....

 
Old 01-06-2008, 04:36 PM   #9
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jules3 HB User
Re: Mother needs help

sister, please give me more info..i didnt know he went into a rehab...halfway house is a great idea..he is co-operating..thats great. how long was the rehab? how is he? please give me more info..

 
Old 01-06-2008, 06:42 PM   #10
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Re: Mother needs help

The Rehab was/is 28 days.

He's doing good.

he told me today, if they don't have a bed for him in a month that he is not going to go... he'll do it on his own.....

I'm praying for a bed to open up soon. it's going to be tense with him coming home to our house, everything will be different, restrictions, accountability etc.

we will be meeting with our pastor on Wednesday, my husband and I, he is going to help us set up on paper house rules for Dan.

My question at Family Group today, was how can I learn to trust Dan without thinking I'm being taken advantage of or being coned.

I always want to think the best of him.... My husband on the other hand says you want to know when Dan is lying, it's when he opens his mouth....

I don't want to be too soft on him, and I don't want my husband to be too hard on him......

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
Old 01-07-2008, 04:41 AM   #11
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Re: Mother needs help

oh sister, im sorry,but im with your husband..dont forget i went down this road, son was in a 30 day rehab, came home ..n.a only for 8 mths...clean, than started up again..now hes going into an outpatient..28 days is NOT enough. i dont trust my son and i dont know when it will come back...maybe never, maybe next year...He has to earn it..he has put us thru hell (himself too)... When they say this is a long road, they aint kidding!!!! Keep posting

 
Old 01-07-2008, 12:38 PM   #12
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Re: Mother needs help

Thanks Jules

 
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