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Old 02-13-2008, 01:07 PM   #1
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CaliR HB User
I'm the wife of a crack addict, and in need of support

Hi All,
My husband of six years, is a binge user of crack cocaine, who is on the down slide again. I don't know how much more of this I can take. Every problem that we have in our relationship is blamed on me. But because I've been through this so many times before, I know that this is just part of the roller coaster ride as he descends from the peek of our better times together. He pushes me away, saying that I'm too controlling. But his real meaning is that I'm in his way of doing what he wants to do, which is to self destruct. I know that I can't fix the man, but some days I feel like I'm going to lose my mind.

I'd love to talk to someone out there who is going through the same. Or if there is a fellow addict that can give me any kind of insight, I'd be so appreciative.

LOL,
Cali

 
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Old 02-13-2008, 02:34 PM   #2
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: The here & now.
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Yossarian22 HB User
Re: I'm the wife of a crack addict, and in need of support

hey cal

1stly , you've already said the most important thing "YOU cant change him" - as you know - he has to want to change. secondly - you're not to blame in any of this, no matter what his reasons are (us junkies are great at finding reasons!) - this is his addiction. there are obviously reasons behind this that only he can answer. 3rdly - you WILL loose your mind if you continue to be a part of this destructive relationship. if he wants you - then he'll get clean to get you back - 1stly you have to get out , as this isnt doing you any favours at all. he needs to get on a program and seek some professional medical help. if he really wants too. check over some past threads on this topic - im sure i have posted a very similar response to a woman in a very similar position.

keep us posted as to whats going on - there are lots of people on here from all walks of life/backgrounds who will be able to give you the advice/support you need. most importantly, stay strong - you're worth more than this.

if there's anything you need to ask, feel free.

yoss

keep on keepin on
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yoss

"All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain."

 
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Old 02-13-2008, 07:23 PM   #3
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Washington, DC USA
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DroopyEyes HB User
Re: I'm the wife of a crack addict, and in need of support

Cal -- I haven't been in your situation as a spouse but sort of as a sibling.

You are entitled to live a healthy and happy life and since you can't change people, you have to understand you can change your circumstances.

My advice is this: "Until you take steps to move in a positive direction (rehab) I can not be a part of your life."

Then leave and begin separating your life from him.

I am so NOT saying this coldly or easily. I want you to take care of yourself and to put your husband on notice that you are through being a convenient blame for the choices HE makes.

God bless...find a Nar-Anon or Al-Anon near you and continue bringing support to yourself.

Droop

 
Old 02-14-2008, 05:16 AM   #4
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Join Date: Jan 2008
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Lewt HB User
Re: I'm the wife of a crack addict, and in need of support

Quote:
Originally Posted by CaliR View Post
Hi All,
My husband of six years, is a binge user of crack cocaine, who is on the down slide again. I don't know how much more of this I can take. Every problem that we have in our relationship is blamed on me. But because I've been through this so many times before, I know that this is just part of the roller coaster ride as he descends from the peek of our better times together. He pushes me away, saying that I'm too controlling. But his real meaning is that I'm in his way of doing what he wants to do, which is to self destruct. I know that I can't fix the man, but some days I feel like I'm going to lose my mind.

I'd love to talk to someone out there who is going through the same. Or if there is a fellow addict that can give me any kind of insight, I'd be so appreciative.

LOL,
Cali
i dont know where you are but there is such a group called co anon which is for familys of coke/crack addicts. maybe there is one near you ?

if theres anything you wanna ask me. as a recovered addict myself i will try and answer with honesty.

Last edited by Lewt; 02-14-2008 at 05:18 AM.

 
Old 03-21-2008, 01:50 PM   #5
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Join Date: Mar 2008
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barb08 HB User
Re: I'm the wife of a crack addict, and in need of support

Re: I'm the wife of a crack addict, and in need of support


HI cali
1st of all i can not spell my way out of a paper bag!!! Was not given the spelling gene lol

I am so sorry to hear what u r going through. I have been married 4 almost 13 years. My husband went to treatment 4 crack addiction 5 years ago. I stayed by him, I supported him emotionaly spiritualy, He came from treatment a new man. then thigs started to go south. He told me in september that he was using again. At this point I thought that i was going crazy because i new something was up i just didn't know what it waas. then when he told me that he was using again. IT ALL MADE SENSE!!! He decided to chose drugs over his family. he did ask to come back, but Y? he'd just keep on using & reck r lives as well as his own. SO he is gone. I could not enable him 2 live like that. he made his choses. Now I'm a single mom. He is shacked up with the first wowmen who would spred em 4 him. (a little bitter) lol. My life has been torn apart, But I do have hope. & that is my faith. & god (u may not believe & thats ok) HE believes in u He can help.
Your best bet is 2 let your husband GO. U r not helping him & y never will. He has 2 hit bottom whatever bottom is 4 him. Cali this will b the hardest thing u will ever do. But 2 really love him u need 2 let him hit that bottom. u could actualy b standing in the way of his recovery 1 day. I'm here you can takl to me at any time. God I ask that u would help cali 2 do the hardest thing in her life. Help her let him go. help her put him in your hands. your hands r so much better than hers. U love him more than she ever could. Also help her through this & show her that she doen't have 2 do this alone. U r more than able 2 carry her through tis time in her life.
hope that u contact me again barb08

Last edited by barb08; 03-24-2008 at 06:30 PM. Reason: put wrongquote

 
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