I have been with my boyfriend now for 13 years. We have a beautiful daughter who is 2 1/2 and a new son who will be 7 weeks old...
My boyfriend was first introduced to Cocaine at the age of 9 years old... so he has struggled with this his whole childhood, and teenage years. He is 25. It really started up again when I had my daughter 2 1/2 years ago... however he slowed down for about a year, and then decided when I got pregnant again the second time he was going to start using.
This time it was bad. He stopped coming home. He would stay out 3 times a week and I wouldnt have a clue where he was. I would be so scared sitting at home wondering if he was ok!!! I was pregnant and taking care of a 2 year old by myself... I felt alone and mad! I hated him for not being part of the family. He missed out on a lot of important events throughout that year because he was out getting messed up or he was recovering from his night. He would always say he was so sorry the next day, and that he didnt mean to not come home, and that he wasnt doing it to hurt me or our daughter!
I cant tell you how hurt and saddened it made me to watch my 2 year old ask where daddy is, and I try to control my emotions while I lie and say he is working late!
I kept telling him that he needed help, and to call someone or go to meetings... and that I would even go with him. He would agree and say he would call but that never happened! He would make an excuse saying that he was too busy at work and couldnt call, and that he knew what he was doing was VERY WRONG and he didnt need the help anymore, he could do it on his own. And of course after saying that within 2 days he didnt come home again!
One day, I am almost 8 months pregant, and he comes home. I can tell right off that he is messed up. He goes out into the garage because he says he needs to get something out there.... He is out there for a while so I go out and check on him... He is smoking Crack upstairs in the second level of the garage... He comes down the stairs and stops in his tracks... He starts having a seizure. It was brief but scarey!!!!!
I really thought that would be a wake up call for him. But it wasnt! He went right back to the same pattern...
I soon gave birth to our second child, and I thought maybe the new arrival would make him realize what he had... but it hasnt!
Today its been almost 2 weeks since he has last used. However there has been a couple times were I was pretty sure he was messed up, but he denys it!!
I am not sure what will happen, or if he will change... I do know that going through this has been very stressful, and hurtful! I try to know that he isnt doing this to INTENTIONALLY hurt me, or our children... but its so hard for me to watch him throw his life away... I am not sure how much more I can stay and watch!!!!
Sounds like you've said enough and watched enough.Not fair for you to put your kids in this situation. those are the ones that matter right now. You need to stop hoping for him to change....and demand it.......if not for himself, but for his children. if he hasn't stopped by now, after 2 kids, he's not going to stop for the kids........so I hate to tell you, you need to either kick him out, or find yourself a new home without him. Life is too short and those kids will grow up before your very eyes...and they should not be raised in the atmosphere of a drug induced father..........could get dangerous.....please take a look around you, read these posts...addicts can't stop by themselves most of the time. you need to move on and if he gets his life together and can clean up, who knows, maybe you can be together....if not....you raise those sweet babies in the best home you can provide..........drug free!!!!