I am beginning to worry and I know I shouldn't. But I just can't believe that he did not call his dad back after making such a to-do about talking to him face to face. I guess I shouldn't be surprised....it's about par for his behavior. Maybe I am wishing this ordeal made an impact on him like it did us. I guess not.
Jules, I am wondering how you are today. when does your son leave for inpatient care????
I have been curious about your son also and wondered if there had been anymore contact. It looked like a real "maybe" there, huh? See-saw, see-saw.
Truthfully, I think his regret was real and intentions real... at that moment. There is a good chance that he messed up again and doesn't want to face you because of it.
Buddy, the longer he stays out there on his own, the more moments of "What the heck am I doing??" are going to occur. Like you, I too would be worrying. Being a mom doesn't shut off and on like a water faucet for sure. However, he is gaining experience of what it is like going solo in the world and what it feels like to isolate from the family fold. It will impact him.
Like Jule's son, no matter how much these boys think they are ready to wing it solo, they still seek the safety of the family unit, don't they? I think that is where much hope lay. You have both been consistent in the family values, the safety of families, and sources of help as families. The boys both grw up with that. Those ideas are older than the addictions in thrie stubborn young heads. And I think that foundation is going to be their respective saving graces in time.
He made a small knock on the door on Sunday. Let's hope the knocking gets louder and louder and more consistent.
Good news. He called Friday and asked if he could come over. Husband said yes. he had a friend drop him off. We all had a good talk. he said staying with HER was awful. SHE is 8 months pregnant and doing drugs. He said it makes him sick. He said her friends comes over and they do the bars and then he has to watch them stumble around. He said, he sort of felt like we did, watching....he said he would take a drug test every week if we wanted. But he needed to come home and get out of there. Husband said he could, until he could rent an apartment. We are going to look at some today. So, time will tell. He spent the evening with us and his brother. He seems to be truly embarrased and sorry about what happened. I am not going to get my hopes up. He HAS to get his own place
Hang strong MOM -- I have three kids myself (young) and would wish what I have done on any of them. All you can do at this point is LOVE him. Let him know whats in the past is in the past. Great lyric from song goes " Saw things so much clear once you (or it) was in my rearview mirror" Get the pas behind you and your family and forget about the drug tests, GET HIM TO A MEETING asap. That is wear he will learn the tools to stay clean and develop a network that will keep him clean.
"1 is too many and 1000 is not enough" -
he's going to drug classes every wednesday for 12 weeks.........I suggested NA meetings. he's done those before and it didn't help then, cause he didn't want to change..........we'll just take it day by day............
do not let him move back in whatever you do.hes only stringing you along as hes done in the past.visit then tell him it is time to go.he will play you as long as you allow to be played.hes an adult let him find his own shelter.he made his bed let him lie in it.if you give in now you will every time from here on out.next time it might be more than just your husband gettin hit.drug tests dont work so dont waste your time and money.stop this before it gets started again.it will be easier now then later.good luck-spark
Thanks Reach. I am not getting my hopes up...I have learned from the past. He is going to pay all his fines off Monday and start looking for a small apartment or duplex....which is good. We will help him with some furnishings....maybe a bed...(he can't take the one here, because I paid a fortune for it, and he doesn't take care of things)....I have a love seat and a kitchen table he can use..I think he will enjoy this new life..........of course, it will be whatever he makes of it................thanks for hanging in with me....
I was just wondering how things are going with your son. You haven't posted in a number of days...and I was thinking about you...as I am thinking of Jules and her son.
I just wanted to mention that you might want to encourage your son to try another group, location or time for the NA meetings. My son tried meetings a couple times when he was in college and really hated them. Then after he graduated, he tried again, and again really didn't like the group. The third attempt, he had a similar experience, but this time he knew he had to become clean and sober, so instead of just quitting and announcing he hated it, he tried a number of groups in different locations. He found a group at AA that was almost all young people -- teens up to about 30. Even though it was AA, most of the people also had drug problems, and a number of the kids were also bipolar. It turned out to be the best thing for our son. It was the convergence of a number of things, including him being determined to stop using, that allowed him to be successful. He made a number of new friends in this group which helped him find a new social circle. It really made all the difference for him...and he might never have succeeded if he hadn't found this group. Perhaps, if your son keeps looking, he will find a group that will be helpful to him, too.
hi flint old pal..is your son doing ok? mine went to a wellness center nice term for a rehab for a couple of weeks..he needed a break from us and vice versa. he called tonite and he sounds fine..just wanted to give an update..hope all is well..enjoy your holiday.. btw hes doing a complete med wash there and i thinkits an excellent idea.
hi mm. hope you are feeling well..how is your back? He is doing ok,he needed this "tune up" he needed a break from everything. he was on lamictal,wellbutrin,zoloft,trazadone,sub oxone..he stopped it all cold turkey (not recommended at all) and was extremely sick for 5 days..this place does not do a detox it is purely a place where people want to be to focus on a recovery..he was clean of everything when he went in..it was very hard to get him on because he wasnt actively using so insurance gave us a real hard time..its a doubleedge sword. so he just started wellbutrin only in the rehab..thats it. we will followup when hes out in 3 weeks..the medications were getting out of control, he was having so may side effects and was actually worse,probably from the combinations. he was constanly dizzy slurred speech,headaches, just like a basket case..so anyway, while he is in there we will find him a palce to live on his own..a studio apt or something like that and pay up for a coupla months..hopefully,he will get on his own 2 feet and take responsibility for himself..he will 22 in 3 weeks..its time..
That's great!! We left son come home on a Friday, he left Sunday morning and haven't seen him since. It's been a week. Don't guess we made the right decision. So, he's on his way out the door again. Full of bull and we fell for it....
I'm doing OK. It is a slow process, which I had been told to expect. I feel good, but then if I do too many errands I regret it for several days. I'm 11 weeks out now, and am off pain meds, for the most part. I am going to start PT in a couple weeks.
I really hope this program works for your son. Something has to click for him. In our son's case, it was the realization that life as he knew it (being a student) was over; that he was going to have to earn a living and any job would require a drug screen...so he couldn't keep leading a fake life, as he had been doing. This is when he confronted his bipolarity and realized that it was something to be reckoned with, that he could not control it by smoking weed, etc.
Hopefully when your son has his own place, he'll realize he is starting a new phase of his life. I will keep my fingers and toes crossed from you, my friend.
It's not so much that you fell for it as you hoped he'd learned a lesson and you were willing to give him a chance. One of these times, the lesson will be learned, something will click and make sense to him and he will see a reason why he has to change his current ways.