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Old 03-23-2008, 02:50 AM   #1
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zinnia237 HB User
sons marijuana use

I have just discovered that my son has used marijuana for the past 2 years he is now 18. As I look back now all the signs were there, but any drug use was the furthest from my mind. He was doing well in school, and very athletic until about the time he started using. Well his first year semester of college he flunked out. He was honest in telling us about his drug and alcohol use. So now he's back home going (i think) to a community college, registered but can't find out if he is attending. Tonight he was going out with friends. He called to see if he could stay all night at his friends house. I said no because of easter. Well, come to find out he rented a hotel room with a few friends to drink and smoke marijuana. I can't believe I am dealing with this. He is the youngest of three.
What breaks my heart is I have read posts here from people who think pot isn't that bad. Well, here is a kid that was doing well academically, and athletically. Now he is a lazy bum.
What do I do now? Any advice would be appreciated. thanks

 
Old 03-23-2008, 04:50 AM   #2
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Christine73 HB User
Re: sons marijuana use

Zinna, so sorry to hear this.

Pot can be very bad for a lot of people, especially because of the new more potent strains that are being developed nowadays.

Is your son living with you? If so, I think it's time for some tough love.

You need to have a long talk with him to find out if he actually wants to stop..if he doesn't there is nothing you can do except tell him you won't put up with it, give him one more chance to stop them tell him to go live somewhere else so you dont have to watch him wrecking his life.

If he does want to stop, there is plenty of help out there, he just needs to reach out for it.

good luck!

 
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Old 03-23-2008, 05:28 AM   #3
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gorgee HB User
Re: sons marijuana use

zinnia, I am so sorry you are going through this. I was writing out a long story, but I deleted it. You need to set rules, and if he breaks them take away something, money, or car etc. You have to lay down the law and tell him the rules. You are only looking out for him and his future.

Good luck.

 
Old 03-23-2008, 05:32 AM   #4
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wisteria63 HB User
Re: sons marijuana use

Quote:
Originally Posted by zinnia237 View Post
I have just discovered that my son has used marijuana for the past 2 years he is now 18. As I look back now all the signs were there, but any drug use was the furthest from my mind. He was doing well in school, and very athletic until about the time he started using. Well his first year semester of college he flunked out. He was honest in telling us about his drug and alcohol use. So now he's back home going (i think) to a community college, registered but can't find out if he is attending. Tonight he was going out with friends. He called to see if he could stay all night at his friends house. I said no because of easter. Well, come to find out he rented a hotel room with a few friends to drink and smoke marijuana. I can't believe I am dealing with this. He is the youngest of three.
What breaks my heart is I have read posts here from people who think pot isn't that bad. Well, here is a kid that was doing well academically, and athletically. Now he is a lazy bum.
What do I do now? Any advice would be appreciated. thanks
Pot is bad no matter what anyone tells you, nine times out of ten it leads to harder stuff, it starts to get boring for some and they need a different high. Since he's eighteen, old enough to know better, not only does he need to go to school he needs to work if you are to allow this behavior. You are aware of what he's doing now, it's not a secret. As a parent i think it is important to do what you can to help and steer him in the right direction but if he refuses then he needs to get help and fast. I would give him no options, either he's drug fee, alcohol free or he leaves and joins the military or something beneficial to his future. He is under age for drinking right? next time you find out about when and where I would call the police on him and see how he likes spending time in jail, maybe that will wake him up. I come from a family of drug addicts and drinkers and surprisingly I am neither but I have watched my brother destroy his life completely over drugs and drinking. My Mom has done everything under the sun to try and help him and the end result was he had to eat dirt for dinner, well he hasn't gotten to that point yet but he will. He isn't working and lives with a crack woman. He was married and has two children, he doesn't even care to see them, all his motivation and desire to succeed is gone due to drugs. Please put your foot down before it's too late. I hope I have helped and wasn't too harsh.
Happy Easter
Wisteria63

 
Old 03-23-2008, 11:03 PM   #5
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wisteria63 HB User
Re: sons marijuana use

Yes, you will read allot of different opinions on drug usage and the history of others, you can try to talk to your son on is level but I have seen that not work, but who knows all are different. All I know from being directly affected is the chances of it leading to something harder are there and I guess that could happen with your love or without.
He does need to take complete responsibility for his actions no matter what. Don't go running to rescue him if you get the late night call that your sons in jail for either possession of drugs or drinking under age, let him sit.
Good luck

 
Old 03-24-2008, 05:44 AM   #6
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gorgee HB User
Re: sons marijuana use

Zinnia, I just know from previous experience with my brother that he first started with alcohol, and then pot. Then my mom died, he was 16, it threw him for a loop, and he bounced around trying to get through high school and he eventually dropped out. 1 month after my mom died, he was beaten up with a baseball bat, and due to pain was put on narcotic pain killers. He had a couple of reasons throughout the years to be on these, his broken jaw, tumors and operations in his fingers, and a couple more injuries. He was in pain all the time,and he bounced from the 3-4 hospitals in the area. He was on pain medication, taking anti-anxiety medications, drinking, smoking pot all at the same time. I am sure he also was not taking these medication as prescribed. He did not take them like 1-2 every 4-6 hours, he took them more like 4-6 pills every 1-2 hours. It got worse and worse. He did not work, although there was always a job available for him. He would steal anything that was not fastened to the ground to get drugs. He was a ticking time bomb. We all tried to get him help, but it never worked. He had to want to get help, and he eventually did. He is now 23, living with my dad, works 5-10 hours a week for my dad, travels to and from a methadone clinic and is tapering down to eventually be off, and that is about it. My dad takes care of him, and he is not in trouble, but he has no desire to do too much. Most people thought he would not make it as he was that far gone.

My dad tried as hard as he could to take away things from my brother. He tried taking away the truck, and not giving him any more money, but somehow he would lie or trick my sister into giving him money. He was never arrested because of my dad and all the police officers knew my father, so they gave my brother a break. My brother, today, says he needed discipline. He needed his transportation, gas, insurance (that never really mattered), and extra money taken away. He needed strict rules and to work to earn back his priviledges. My brother had a temper that was extremely scary, and he would explode anywhere. My dad tried, but is was not enough, and my dad is such a easy going guy, my dad never took it all 100% seriously.

My brother was class president his freshman and sophmore year, very athletic, handsome, and a great kid. Then slowly, he started hanging out with friends more, needing large amounts of cash, lying about why he needed the money, not coming home, not staying where he was supposed to, and lying about where he was going. It killed my mother, she was so upset, because she trusted him. In the beginning of all this, and her trying to control my brother, and learning he was lying, she died of a sudden heart attack. The day my mom did not wake up, my brother was 30 minutes away at a friends house where they had just had a party.

I know I have written a lot, and it has been a hard, long struggle, but I understand what you are going through. Please call a family meeting, and set some rules. He might not like it now, but down the road, maybe many years, he will thank you.

Good luck, and please keep writing us. I have found here to be so helpful.

Kass

 
Old 03-24-2008, 07:42 AM   #7
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zinnia237 HB User
Re: sons marijuana use

Well we did have a meeting. Mostly, he just wants to get out of the house. Now I don't know if thats just to get away from us or to pursue his "activities" without be questioned from us. I suggested at one time that the anxiety he was experiencing, wasn't from us, but from the poor choices he was making (maybe more wishful thinking on my part). I also suggested to him one time that we go as a family for counseling. He agreed at first, but after some thought said no. A close aunt suggested that my husband and I pursue the counseling for us. So I will call today and try that route. thanks for all your imput so far.

 
Old 03-24-2008, 10:48 AM   #8
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redrockrag HB User
Re: sons marijuana use

You are unfortunately not the first parent to go through this. I think you got good advice to go to therapy or counciling. Once you get help with some tools how how to deal with the situation you will probably be much better off. Nothing is worse than worrying about adult children. Such a helpless feeling. You go get help and it will be the best thing for all of you. Good luck.

 
Old 03-24-2008, 01:39 PM   #9
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Re: sons marijuana use

I would not let him get away with smoking pot especially now that you know about it. Make it known to him how opposed you are to it and will not under any circumstances tolerate it. I wish with all my heart I had done this when I found out my son was smoking pot. I smoked pot when i was young. It was fun. So, I thought well he's just experimenting like I did and he's got a stressful curriculum at school and it helps. Don't make the mistake I did....please! It lead to harder drugs and nearly destroyed his life. If I had done something earlier, I truly believe he wouldn't have gotten into the trouble he did with harder drugs later in life. He may be taking harder drugs now for all you know. Renting a hotel room to get high? I don't know, I think I'd question what was really going on. Good luck, I wish I had answers on how to approach him and what you should do but I do know one thing....don't tolerate it whatever you do. God bless! Kate

 
Old 03-24-2008, 02:49 PM   #10
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Re: sons marijuana use

i think that counseling for you and your husband is a great idea and i wish you all the best. i hope it helps your situation. there is too many factors involved in predicting wether or not your son is going to choose the right path or not - the thing that you must realize is that this is an Addiction & Recovery Board - So naturally you will hear the worst of stories - of course you will hear about the bad side of things (addicts aren't usually a good advert for the good side of things.) All i can say is that out of at least 50 kids i went to school with/hung out with - only 2 went down the 'wrong path' and took drugs to an extent where it had a negative impact on their health (me being one). The tough thing for you as a parent is that your son is probably at an age now where he is wanting to spread his wings etc - so it is more than likely beyond your control. I wish him well - and i hope he makes the right choices in his life (im sure he will).

take care

yoss
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Old 03-25-2008, 10:44 AM   #11
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Re: sons marijuana use

I feel your pain. We found out our 15 year old son had smoked "weed" 3 times AFTER he got suspended from school for "distribtuing it" as he had bought it for his girlfriend as part of Valnetines day gift. She got 5 days suspension for possession, my son 10 days with recommendation for long term. That was Feb 20th and son has NOT been back to school yet. We have to go through all levels of appeals before SOMEONE drops the distribution charge and he is allowed back in 9th grade. I have a brother who started his journey into drug dependency at the young age of 14 and is on his 3rd prison sentence for Crack related crimes. NIP it in the bud now !!!!! We have grounded my son, taken away all his "toys" such as computers. cell phone etc until he gets back in schoool. We "pop" drug tests on him whenever we feel like it as he lives under OUR ROOF plus he is only 15. We take him weekly to a counselor. We were told literally to practice TOUGH LOVE now before it got out of hand. That was the hardest thing we ever had to do but it was that or watch our son throw his life away. He has "only"smoked weed 3 times but his education is ruined and he is only in the 9th grade. We pray we have stopped a MAJOR problem before it got out of control. I hope you can somehow find the strength to do what needs to be done with your son. You are in my thoughts and prayers

 
Old 03-25-2008, 12:29 PM   #12
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Ellis22 HB User
Re: sons marijuana use

Here and there shouldn't be a concern, but if it takes over a individuals life its tough to loosen its grip.

in my opinion, coming from a teen that has mostly smoker friends, counciling is one of the worst things you could attempt to get your kid to do. No kid wants to hear lectures about how drugs are bad, etc. We get a lot of it at school.

grounding your kid will make them mad at you, and not stop it.
cutting off their money supply worked on some kids, but some just saw that as a invite to drinking cough syrup, or overdosing caffeine, benadryl, etc for recreational abuse.

your best bet is to talk to him about it, let him know your on his case.
I personally smoked quite a bit for about 2 years, but i as well as my friends didnt see the reason to get high anymore. He will hopfully grow out of it, and if you get upset every time he does, its a better alternative to play the disappointed card than to get yourself upset at his actions.

 
Old 03-25-2008, 01:43 PM   #13
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Re: sons marijuana use

Dear TooYoung: I feel your pain. If I were you and back where you are now, I would have my son pee in a cup. They lie so bad it isn't funny. Only smoked it three times....I don't think so. I wouldn't listen to the last reply...sounds like a kid to me. Sure there are a lot of people who just try it and grow out of it but with a class of only 50 graduates and from a small, small town I can't even count how many people ruined their lives starting out with pot. I'm 50 years old now and still see the same people using...it's just tragic. Keep up the good work Mom! Stay tough...you're doing a good job! Kate

 
Old 03-26-2008, 10:01 AM   #14
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Yossarian22 HB User
Re: sons marijuana use

im afraid that a tight tug on the rains will not fix this problem - just like over populating the worlds jails with addicts will not stop the flow of drugs. The truth of the matter is that there is no easy solution - how many times does the short sharp shock have to fail? This type of 'solution' to a problem creates a rift - that may never heal - especially if your son is thinking of moving out from the family home. Rather than adopting a draconian approach - try the counselling route - this may provide you with some tools on how to deal with your son.

take care & good luck

yoss

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Old 03-26-2008, 12:52 PM   #15
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Re: sons marijuana use

I think counseling DOES work. It lets them hear the words from some one other than family. So far all three of his pee tests have been clean. We pop them when he leasts suspects first thing in the morning for good concentration IF there is anything there to be found. He has learned that there is NOTHING good to come from smokng pot. He even told a friend that alcohol and drugs weren't the answer when his friend tried to take my airplan bottles of liquer left over from honeymoon over 20 yrs ago. So MAYVBE he IS learning something. This is the same friend that found pot in HIS father's dresser drawer almost a year ago and they decided to try it together.

 
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