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Old 04-07-2008, 06:10 PM   #1
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Im Afraid To Die Along With My Husband

My husband is a heroin addict, he's in denial, he doesnt think he has any problems, and the excuse is always becuase of me....
Its getting worse, Saturday was the first day he got physical with me, before he 'd vandalize things in my apartment, but now he got physical. Im afraid i cant get out of this without him killing me or/and himself, he constantly threatening me that he'll OD .
I dont know what to do, my question is : When somebody is going through withdrawal does it effect his behavior as well, is it true that him being physical and vandalizing is a result of that????
i would love to hear from people who are addicts so i can show it to him, becuase as of now, he is in complete denial and thinks that nothing is wrong with him, i make him frustrated thats' all....but im afraid, he was really aggressive, he threw me against my huge mirror, choked me and bit my nose so hard that it was bleeding for a long time not to mention its all bruised now. im lost, im afraid for him and for myself :-(((

 
Old 04-07-2008, 07:01 PM   #2
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Re: Im Afraid To Die Along With My Husband

GIRL --- GET OUT OF THERE IF HE WON'T.

You're trying to ask rational questions in a frankly irrational and unsafe situation. Take all your valuables and anything of yours that he would think valuable and leave.

Call all your creditors and tell them you have left your unbalanced husband bec he is abusive and try to work out something so you are not left holding his bag.

Change all your PINs and anything he may use to try to get money for more drugs.

Get a restraining order based on what you just posted.

I'm sure you love him but right now you have to love yourself more and keep yourself safe. The actions he chooses to take ("he'll OD") are not yours to worry about.

In short, I want you to re-read your post but pretend your best friend ever wrote it. What advice would you give her?

Let us know how you are doing - we all care and that's why I'm sounding like I do...

Droop

 
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Old 04-07-2008, 08:39 PM   #3
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Re: Im Afraid To Die Along With My Husband

Sweetie you need to get out yesterday. The day a man puts his hands on you is just a sign that you've already been there too long. Take some action for yourself and love yourself for once. That piece of ****. I've used all kinds of drugs and if he's in denial there aint a damn thing you can do. Don't be a dependent person...get out now before something really crazy goes down!!!! Take droopy eyes advice and roll out. I used to work around clubs for years and years and can't tell you how many girls I've seen take it from some ******* in an abusive relationship. Number one...heroin is nothing to mess with...It's killed more than my fair share of friends. Who knows what he could transmit to you. GET OUT NOW.... Abandon ship...roll up out of there..go stay with a relative...a friend...House of Ruth..anything...call Social Services...is there a child involved...then you definitely have to get going....I know it's easier said than done when that's all you known for awhile..but you have to take corrective action NOW...My prayers are sincerely with you...keep us posted here...

 
Old 04-08-2008, 05:41 AM   #4
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Re: Im Afraid To Die Along With My Husband

thanks for taking the time to answer.
No kids involved, he's 29, Im 32. We've been together for a year and a half. He told me the very beggining that he USED TO BE doing heroin, not that he's an addict, though....then after we got married it's gotten worse. He's always suspicious who i talk to where i go, i dont know why he's paranoid about these things when he knows that i dont have anybody else, and im not the kind of person who would cheat and **** around. I havent talked to my friends for ....since basically i have known him, becuase i wanted to avoid any arguments.
i asked him why he's not seeking for help, i'd support him, help for what? he asks. He thinks that his addiction is not a biggy because he can "control" it. only problem he doesnt realize is that when he is OFF of it he's an *******. he finds every excuse to blame me for something, like: he works out of town a lot of times, and when he comes home, he asks me who used his shampoo becuase its not in the same position and the top was open and it wasnt when he left. now what do u call this if not paranoia????? then that particular Saturday when he bit my nose and got violent, he asked me who i talked to on the phone, and i didnt want to tell him, becuase i m so fed up with his suspiciousness. thats when he went totally biserk. He threw his phone against me so hard that my hip is still brused. But he doesnt think he has a problem. He says i dont answer him when he asks me questions. its not that i dont, he NEVER exepts them, so whats the point of asnwering them??
anyway i went into it way deep, but i guess you know what im talking about.
Im trying to find websites about heroin and behavioral changes but cant find any.

 
Old 04-08-2008, 06:10 AM   #5
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Re: Im Afraid To Die Along With My Husband

Hello DG,

If he can rationalize using then I would be interested in his reasoning behind physically abusing you.

If you really thought about it, going to the local precinct with your bruises would be enough to have him arrested.

His addiction is progressing into a violent manner.

You need to protect yourself at this point in time, before things escalate.

Look out for yourself.

Phoenix

 
Old 04-08-2008, 09:37 AM   #6
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Re: Im Afraid To Die Along With My Husband

I just started posting on this website a few days ago in another thread, but I HAVE TO post a reply to you, and to tell you that this is not going to get ANY better, trust me, I know, I have been there. From what you have told us, he is as ABUSIVE as they come, and although I don't try to pass judgement on others, this guy has displayed so many signs of abuse it's sickening. You must get out to save your life. You certainly sound like a smart woman with alot of promise and life left ahead of you. He is controlling you, blaming you for his sick downward spiral, alienating you from your friends and the people you love, I could go on and on, but I don't have to...you know what I am saying. I am in chronic pain everyday of my life because of an abusive ex-boyfriend....everyday. I'm not kidding when I say that. Please keep posting here, even if you have to leave to get to a safe place, I can tell from reading others' posts on these boards that there is an immense abundance of love and caring here. May God be with you. You can do this, you are strong, smart, brave and capable. Believe in yourself!

 
Old 04-08-2008, 07:55 PM   #7
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Re: Im Afraid To Die Along With My Husband

DG...forget the websites about heroin and leave tonite!!!! This Fu**er is not gonna change...I've seen so many girls put up with that crap. Don't be another victim. Get the police involved....Screw him...if he really loved you...and I'm learning this in NA...he wouldn't be using at all. How can you love someone else when you can't even love yourself? I can tell that you care about him immensely but this has nothing to do with that love. You have to look out for your personal safety. That is first and foremost..otherwise, what's next? Next time it's not your hip but your head. I hope I'm scaring you a little but at the same time get out of there for yourself. You have your whole life ahead (cliche I know) but it's true. Why waste one more minute on a loser who is not even man enough to admit he has a problem. What a wimp. I wish you the best but if you haven't left yet I'm in fear for you. These situations only get worse. God be with you DG...Take care and love yourself for a change...

 
Old 04-08-2008, 08:14 PM   #8
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Re: Im Afraid To Die Along With My Husband

Are you really afraid to die? because you don't act like someone that is afraid to die. You didn't even call the police and if you don't call the police then you are enabling him to continue his abusive behavior and he doesn't have enough control over himself to stop. I can't believe you are trying to prove to him he is a addict...he KNOWS he is an addict but it is you that really isn't convinced...what does he have to do to you before you truly believe that you are in danger and that in order to help him you must call the police the next time he puts his hands on you. He can't kick this on his own and you can't help him...he needs to be in treatment and the only way he will go is if he is forced to go at this point. Perhaps then he will discover the hold it has on him. The only person you can change is you. So if you are going to do anything start by going to a support group and get yourself informed and out of that situation. Sorry but you have no idea what you are in for nor do you have a clue what you need to do about it. Learn all you can and get out of there...above all else don't make excuses for his behavior.

 
Old 04-09-2008, 03:53 AM   #9
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Re: Im Afraid To Die Along With My Husband

Hello DG,

Are you alright?

Phoenix

 
Old 04-09-2008, 05:31 PM   #10
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Re: Im Afraid To Die Along With My Husband

Hi Phoenix,
You're such a sweetheart, Im doing allright, thank you. I just feel very lonely and have no clue what to do. He's behaving like an angel now, although he moved out and all his stuff is out too, i know he'll be totally normal when we talk but as i keep a diary every other month he's done something. so what's next i dont now, i dont have family members in the States unfortunately so it's pretty much myself.

 
Old 04-10-2008, 03:51 AM   #11
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Re: Im Afraid To Die Along With My Husband

Hello DG,

He moved out; you should be happy but I am not getting that in totality from you.

Please realize that you are now in a much safer situation.

Has he given you the keys also?

If not, please reserve the option to change the locks.

Since he is very consistent with respect to causig a stir, I would prepare myself for just that.

You probably know the warning signs.

Take care of yourself.

Phoenix

 
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