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Old 04-23-2008, 05:50 PM   #1
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My sister is killing herself

I've never done this before (in fact i've never talked to anyone about this outside of my family) but I feel like I'm about to burst.
My older sister, 28 yrs old, is slowly killing herself and destroying her family.
Her and her husband and their 4 kids had to move into my dad's basement because they lost their house and it's only gotten worse since then. She is addicted to coccaine, alcohol, has depression and bipolar disorder. We've done interventions with her, she's gone to 2 treatment centers, and every time it's the same story - she comes home and is okay for a day or so, then it's right back.
Now she sneaks out at night to do drugs and (maybe) comes home the next day and sleeps all day (or for days). Her husband then has to go out and pay off her drug dealers with money borrowed from my dad for fear of what could happen. I just wish I could shake her!!! I hate what this is doing to her kids and our family.
We live in Ohio, and my dad keeps saying there's nothing more we can do (as far as the law - commiting her against her will). Is there anyone who knows about Ohio law or what I could do for her and her children?

 
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Old 04-23-2008, 06:22 PM   #2
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Re: My sister is killing herself

Hello Laurie,

Tough love is definitely in order here.

Alright, your family already did an intervention.

How about an ultimatum?

Your parents and her husband need to discuss some stern measures.

What happens in the event that she brings narcotics into the house and the police raid the house.

The mere fact that the police could raid the house should be a wake up call for your parents.

When the police ask your parents if they were aware that there were drugs being used in their house, what will be their reply?
------------------------------------

There comes a time that parents have to ask themselves whether or not they are helping the situation.

Desperate times call for similar measures; purchasing locks and explaining to her that this behavior will not be tolerated. Advising her that the locks will be placed on if this behavior continues.
-------------------------------------
I dislike saying this but the only one that is being protected in this scenario is your daughter, when it should be the other way around.

Take care of those children; they are truly they are truly the unprotected ones.


Respectfully,

Phoenix

 
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Old 04-23-2008, 06:26 PM   #3
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Re: My sister is killing herself

I agree, and my fiance keeps saying that it's to the point where she needs to be told "get help or get out". I know something drastic has to be done, but I just can't imagine her out on the streets.

 
Old 04-23-2008, 06:29 PM   #4
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Re: My sister is killing herself

Quote:
Originally Posted by laurie47 View Post
I know something drastic has to be done, but I just can't imagine her out on the streets.
How about her children in different foster care homes, seperated from one another?

It could very well happen.

Respectfully,

Phoenix

 
Old 04-23-2008, 06:31 PM   #5
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Re: My sister is killing herself

That cannot happen. I love those kids too much.

 
Old 04-23-2008, 06:37 PM   #6
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Re: My sister is killing herself

Quote:
Originally Posted by laurie47 View Post
That cannot happen. I love those kids too much.
With all due respect, that would be for the courts to decide.

It is good that you would be willing to step up but can you handle the four of them?

It goes way beyond just the financial aspect of things.

**Now i'm not saying that this will happen but simply pointing out criteria that the courts would consider if the possibility presented itself.**
------------------------------

Your sister is in crisis mode, which could be a cry for help.

You see, the primal nature of cocaine and alcohol addiction does not care about you or I, just "self."

This along with the fact that her psych meds probably aren't being consumed, just further exacerbates the situation.

What does her psychiatrist/psychologist/therapist say of her behavior?


Respectfully stated,

Phoenix

Last edited by Phoenix; 04-24-2008 at 05:36 AM.

 
Old 04-23-2008, 08:49 PM   #7
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Re: My sister is killing herself

Laurie, I hate to say this to you...but here goes...Years ago I managed a non profit home for abuse and neglected kids...and you want to know how those kids came to our organization? It wasn't by a family intervention I can tell you that....Parents locked up for drugs or prostitution or worse! Kids placed under social services with God knows who "mentoring" them. I don't even what to tell you the horror stories from social workers about foster care. Let me assure you...you are saving those children untold years of anger, hurt and associated pain by allowing this to continue. The kids are primary here....I'm a friggin crackhead but my habit has hurt no one and it never will....I pay the price for my abuse and I alone...and I'm competely honest about it...my sister knows..my friends know...I don't keep secrets and own up to my problem. But that's me and that's how I was raised. I was blessed. Your parents are friggin enabling her. They are facilitiating the problem. You need to get those locks changed...have the kids cared for by you, your husband and the grandparents and the father. She goes, where...well she's an adult now and that's the pain...I'm not saying it won't be one of the most painful days in all of your lives...but consider the alternative. Do those kids deserve to be denied another friggin minute of motherly love? Don't we all owe it to ourselves to be completely and utterly honest when children are at issue? No matter how it makes us FEEL? And when the enabling continues and the bottom finally drops out...and it will...what kind of anger and frustration will those kids harbor into the future. Could they fall into substance abuse? You bet they could. I completely sympathize but I can tell you that if your family doesn't decide to change it's poisonous ways don't expect a darn thing to change..except for things to get much much worse. I know this sounds harsh...I guess it should...I'm a drug user...But I'm trying....I'm really trying...to surround myself with the good in life....and that's what has to happen here...I truly wish you the best....God Bless all of you and especially those precious kids.

 
Old 04-24-2008, 09:09 AM   #8
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Re: My sister is killing herself

I completely agree with what the others have said here.

Your sister has no incentive to stop because what has she got to lose if she continues? Nothing it seems.

Giver her the 'one more strike and you are out' rule.

It is not up to you or her parents to find her a place to stay...she needs to lose everything, her home, her kids and her husband..or at least she needs to think she has lost it all..only then does she have a chance at stopping.

What if she overdoses? think of the guilt at having enabled her to continue using...

Good luck and let us know how things go

 
Old 04-24-2008, 05:45 PM   #9
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Re: My sister is killing herself

You all have been amazing - your advice hits hard but is well taken. I've looked up some intervention places online where you are assigned an intervention specialist and everything. I just need to get the rest of the family on board with the tough love. I think her husband will be the hardest to convince, strangely enough.

I appreciate all of your kind words and realistic views on things. Sometimes when your in the situation, it's hard to get a grip on how things really are.

I will let you all know how it turns out. And good luck to you all

 
Old 04-26-2008, 06:00 PM   #10
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Re: My sister is killing herself

It's been two days since you posted. Just checking on you, your family. Are you ok?

It's weird, at least to me, how you can be in the middle of a full blown crisis, whether from an injury, a death or something like addiction, and you are hurting, scared and confused beyond belief and yet the rest of the world goes right on around you.

Take a deep breath, step back a minute and try to take care of yourself, too. People much wiser than I am are willing to offer advice on these boards; let them.

Good thoughts to you and your family, especially the little ones.

 
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