i posted several times over a few yrs on here...back then there was a few regulars on here all the time...kfld, thghtsreal, nervousnellie, joanharvest..to name a few. they were all parents of addicts and we could relate very well. if any of you still read or post on here, would be interested in hearing how you all and your children have been doing.
my son has been off and on drugs for about 9 yrs now (that i know of) believe it started around 21 and he will be 30 in sept.
my hubby and i moved from new england when he retired 4 yrs ago to florida, and within 3 mos our son had moved down here also.
as parents we worried about him..eventually started believing him. we bought him a car so he could get to work...then waited til we thought he had been clean and held the same job for a yr..bought him a small home that we had to mortgage in our names because of his bad credit. also, taxes and house ins. in our names...we have been paying for it more than not in the 2 yrs.
now, last fri, after owing the ck bk alot of money..every wk another excuse he says been abusing oxy(2mos) not heroin..whatever...got suboxone from dr. fri...will start paying next week us back etc,etc. i have once again been stupid..had feelings but did not confront him. i am telling myself now that if his lips are moving, he's lying.
bad part is we are going to new england in 2 wks and hoping nothing happens to our property.
how could i have looked aside again? what do i do now?
thanks for listening to my ranting...any replies welcome..negative or positive.
take care all.....bevann
I feel for you! Being a parent is tough enough even without drugs being envolved.
My advice is stop supporting the kid. He is going to be 30 this year? He has been an adult for 12 years. Its time to support himself 100%. He followed you to Fla? Then you bought him a house knowing he was an addict? You, believe it or not are supporting his habit. And KNOW that how ever bad he tells you his habit is....Its far worse than what he says. You need to have a talk with him, let him know that you are done weith his BS. You will sell that property and tell him that there are consequences for every decision we make in life. He has bad credit and cant get a house? Who's fault is that? HIS, so why the hell would you buy him a house? Make him repair his credit and get his own place.
Was he a spoiled kid growing up? Have everything he wanted? If so then it is partially your fault for where he is. Its now time to step it up and help him out of this by letting him figure out life on his own! Be there for moral support, guidance, and give him advice on how to save $ for a good rehab center. You hold the money for him while he saves so he doesnt blow through it on heroinl.
Dont worry, once you get thorugh this you will have your son back. it may take some time,but he will come around. If not, you will be 80 years old with a 55 year old heroin addict for a son, stealing your money, pain pills etc... Good luck
thanks for giving it to me....i needed that! i know we kept giving him the benefit of the doubt with everything he said or did. this is also his 3rd time around with suboxone..once on the methadone clinic then suboxone to come off the methadone. first time he went on suboxone...he was selling it and using the money for drugs. this time i cannot hold money for him or assist him in any way. i already got his cell phone shut off last wk...stopped his car ins. from coming out of our cking acct. so he will be with no car ins. this time i had to cut all ties and it's killing me...no accepting calls...no food given...no letting him in our home.
these should be our golden yrs and he has made us miserable. we have 2 other older children that we spend summers' with in new eng. and 4 grandchildren there. i know we will be sick worrying about what he is doing down here..but we had lost his love, respect etc. when he started these drugs back when.
at the end of the summer when we get home, we will have to first evict him (if you can evict your own child by law)? and then put the home up for sale.
if anyone that has dealt with this have any ideas to help us deal without losing ourselves or our sanity...feel free to help...bevann
The following user gives a hug of support to bevann26: spazzattack (03-28-2011)
Re: Suboxone..how much and what to expect please!!
my son was on the methadone clinic for a yr...then went on suboxone for 6 mos....then back to drugs...then back to suboxone at present time.
i really do not understand now that he is engaged and his life seemed in order...why he is still living this vicious cirlce that has been off and on now for 9 yrs. can anyone put some light on this for me?
hi jerry...my son started 9 yrs ago with vicodan also, after a car accident. his addiction went to heroin and oxy snorting. he claims now he is once again on suboxone..can't even believe what he says anymore. my husband and i are retired, and we helped him every time that we thought he was clean. we are on a fixed income so are in debt now.
i was wondering how you came off the oxy's? i really need some help here, thanks......bevann
opiate addiction is one of the most difficult to overcome- the addicts entire brain chemistry is changed, and it takes a very long time for this chemistry to go back to normal after the initial detox. some people never go back to "normal". has your son ever gone to aa/na?? getting off the drugs is hard, but it's what happens after --that determines long term recovery. he has to have a support network of other addicts. i have a 20year addiction to opiates--was arrested for forging scripts, lost my career, my house, marriage, and almost my life--and still kept using!! i've been on sub for 4 months and i'm tapering off now. i wish i had researched sub better before i started, because it is not easy to get off either. your son is still using probably because he has had major brain changes that will take a long time to overcome. i wouldnot give him anymore money, but kicking him out of your life is not, imo, a great idea either. if my family had turned their back on me totally, i might be dead right now. he needs to have some hope that his family still cares about him .i can agree about selling the house because you can't send yourselves into alot of debt. but he needs a roof and food to survive. opiate addicts are VERY sick people, and yes, they will certainly lie. maybe this time the sub will work--is he going to a sub dr.? he's got to want this though--you can't want it for him. it's a very hard decision for a parent to make. have you been to al-anon?? this helps alot of people understand what their family member is going through.
I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. I started using opiates in general some years ago, made my way up the chain from lesser opiates to the strong ones, snorting oxycontin and heroin,(more oxy than heroin, but its all the same at that point) till I was at the point where I wasnt really even getting high any more but more or less using heavy just to avoid being sick every moment of my life.
I tried back in the fall to quit,and i really did want to but it just didnt work for me. Back on drugs over the winter till the beginning of April, where quitting was on my mind as much as using. Came home from work one day,knew I was going to be getting the flu, could feel it in me, before I went to bed I had a raging fever and chill, said the heck with it, and got rid of the rest of my dope.I knew I was going to be home actually really sick from the flu for a couple days, so I figured I'd try again since I was going to be home anyways.
Not sure if this was a good idea or not, but I did it. I had a bad fever from the flu annd was so darn sick for about 5-6 days but I put my foot down and just did it cold turkey. I needed to do this. I knew if I didnt who knows when I would have another chance...or if I'd even be around another day to try and quit.
I havent used an opiate in about two months. I feel good, my mind is clean and I am smiling all the time now. You have to need it and really want it,tho, or it just wont work. I wake up feeling really good now, instead of being dopesick and getting high everyday. Opiate addiction is a horrible thing and sooooo hard to quit. Personally I just came to the realization that if I didnt quit...well, oyu know.
Good luck to you and yours. Keep posting to let us know where you're at with this.
kelli...thanks for posting....i have put him out of my life by cancelling his and his girls' cell phones that were on my plan...stopped car ins. from coming out of my ck bk...took house key back to our home. his dad talked to him yesterday and told him if we don't see his money every wk while we are up north for the summer...we will be selling his place when we get back.
i have alot of anger i need to get thru, once again.
he gets suboxone from a clinic..he needs to go every day. talked with his girl yesterday and she said she will stick by him as long as he keeps going to the clinic, forever! she is upset with us that we're not seeing things the same way. sorry, been there done that...no more...will never believe him again!
jerri..thanks for responding to me. the way you kicked the drugs is how i always wished my son would do it. instead he is afraid to suffer for his own doings and does not want withdrawal!
congrats to you for doing it the right way....bevann
Bev, keep in mind that it took me until I was 42 to realize what an <removed> I was being...and it is only by the grace of God that I am clean right now. Well, God and this board. And no, I didnt want withdrawls, either, who does...but felt that I either needed to put my foot down or else...
Why dont you have your son stop in here and say hello sometime?
Just might do him a world of good...maybe just what he needs, to read about others going thru the same thing he is. We all know that he is definetly not alone.
Good luck and keep posting.
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