It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Family & Friends of Addicts and Alcoholics Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 08-20-2008, 05:43 AM   #1
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 142
troublex2 HB User
Fiance's addiction. I need some answers...

I have been with my fiance for 10 yrs now and we have 2 children. He is 27 yrs old. About 4 yrs ago he started snorting heroin, before it got to bad he went into rehab and cleaned up. Well ever since then it seems like every now and then he takes pills, like percocets, oxycodone ( things in that family). Its like he his high for one day and then things are fine again. Well within he last year it seems to be more frequent, like 1-2 times every week to two weeks he is on something. BUt then he will go a few weeks and be fine. Now his new thing is Coke, he was on Coke yesterday and about two months ago he was on Coke for like a whole week. HE denies it but I know when he his high on something and I can tell the difference as to weather its pills or Coke. Well yesterday he did admit that he had done coke. I do not think he has a real addicton because when he is not using he is totally fine, not withdraws, no symptoms that he is ill or anythung like that, he is just his normal fun loving self. if he doesnt have a habit, then he is choosing to do this, he knows whats wrong from right but he chooses wrong,and he says he dont know why he does it. he will look me in my face and swear things will be better but then turn around the next day and get high. what do i do? he said he doesnt have a habit,and i believe he doesnt. but its been going on for so long that i dont know weather i should stay or go. he says he is going to stop and things will be fine for weeks and then there he goes again.my mother, who is a recovering addict for over 10 yrs says that she doesnt think that he has a drug habit but he likes to dip and dab. how can he stop this ?

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 08-20-2008, 09:07 AM   #2
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 142
troublex2 HB User
Re: Fiance's addiction. I need some answers...

No opnions or input ?

 
Old 08-20-2008, 09:24 AM   #3
Facilitator
(male)
 
Phoenix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 3,851
Blog Entries: 33
Phoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB User
Re: Fiance's addiction. I need some answers...

Hello T,

With all due respect, I must state for the record:

He is using illegal drugs.

The matter of times per week is not the main factor; it's the way he reacts when he is under the influence of these substances.

Using illegal substances, by mere definition, is a way of abusing one's body.

He already is lying to you(from your statements) and the cycle seems to be constant.

I am not the moral majority; my purpose is not to judge but shed light upon your situation with your fiance.

Respectfully,

Phoenix

 
Old 08-20-2008, 09:28 AM   #4
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 47
trophywifenomor HB User
Re: Fiance's addiction. I need some answers...

I'm definitely no expert; and probably the last person who should be giving advice, but I know what it's like when no one responds to your posts so I thought I'd give you my two cents worth.

It sounds to me like he has a problem. Whether or not he's an addict, I don't know for sure, but my bet would be yes. I don't think you can take all those different drugs for years and not be addicted. He may not have to have them every day, but he is still addicted. Maybe he is a binger? I don't know.

You need to decide what and how much you are willing to put up with. You say it's been going on for a long time and you don't know whether you should stay or whether you should go; it sounds to me like you have some serious thinking to do. It doesn't sound like things are going to change much...if I were you I would ask myself one question: Can I live like this forever if things don't change at all? If the answer is yes, then you should stay and be happy if things change, but if they don't then you won't be disappointed. If the answer is no, then you should be prepared to step out; because things aren't likely to change.

I sort of feel like a hypocrite saying this because I'm addicted to pills. The difference is my husband doesn't know it. If he did, he'd be asking me to change and I would. I would need help, but I would change. It is possible for an addict to change if they want to. That's why I feel like a hypocrite, because I'm telling you your boyfriend won't change; but I'm basing that only on the small piece of information you gave.

Anyway, good luck!

 
Old 08-20-2008, 12:57 PM   #5
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 127
ICFK1 HB User
Re: Fiance's addiction. I need some answers...

From both sides - his and yours.

As far as he's concerned.....he doesn't have a drug problem. He might have a few life problems or situations he likes to escape from on occasion - by using illegal drugs.

So it's not "is he an addict, is he going to go into recovery"...that you should be asking yourself.

You need to askyoruself if you're okay with him diong illegal drugs in your home, around your children...where you could be jailed as a result of possession, and your childen could be removed from your custody.

Until he says he has a problem with drugs..he doesn't.

IF you are uncomfortable about the type of drug use, or his actions while using - the way you are unaffected by the fact he "doesn't have a problem" - is that you leave him.

 
Old 08-21-2008, 06:42 AM   #6
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 142
troublex2 HB User
Re: Fiance's addiction. I need some answers...

Thanks ! for the responses.
I feel that he does have life problems that he escapes from and thats why he turns to drugs, not saying thats an excuse because its NOT !

As far as the drug use, it is not in my home at all ! When he does get high its during the week between work hours and when he comes home that day he stays in the house all day and just watches T.V.

I had a talk with him and he doesnt admit much, he admits that he did do pills & coke a few times but doesnt admit it as much as I know he has done it. He said he dont know why he does it . He does have Bipolar , Anxiety & Depression on top of all this. He just started seeing a Psych & Therapist about a month ago. He said he was going to call today to get some type of Drug Counseling so he can figure out why he is doing what he does. Because I told him if he doesnt get help with this problem then he has to leave and he will have NO contact with our children until he decides to straighten up for real !
DO you think if he isnt using everyday , sometimes months pass by, that some type of outpatient drug counseling will help ?

Last edited by mod-anon; 08-21-2008 at 06:46 AM. Reason: removed quote

 
Old 08-21-2008, 07:46 AM   #7
Facilitator
(male)
 
Phoenix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 3,851
Blog Entries: 33
Phoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB User
Re: Fiance's addiction. I need some answers...

Hello T,

"Escapism" is the main reason many abuse drugs.

If he does it at work, this is definitely a problem, for so many reasons.

You stated that he is considering drug counseling to:

"figure out why he is doing what he does."

I have yet to hear that it is to help put an end to the disruptive cycle.

Will drug counseling be beneficial to him; it really depends upon his intentions.

If it is simply being done to get you to stop pressuring him, then I doubt it.

He needs to do this for himself;if his quality of life improves, so does the family's; it trickle's down.

The rest will take care of itself.

Take care.

Respectfully,

Phoenix

Last edited by Phoenix; 08-21-2008 at 07:52 AM.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Please help.. fiance hooked on drugs jenny25 Family & Friends of Addicts and Alcoholics 6 05-27-2008 11:36 AM
Does my Fiance have BPD? Rider0375 Bipolar Disorder 24 05-02-2007 10:30 AM
Does my Fiance have APD? Rider0375 Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill 3 05-01-2007 04:46 PM
I need advice regarding addict fiance Betty Bee Family & Friends of Addicts and Alcoholics 4 10-10-2006 05:43 AM
How to break it to my fiance... ? ArtsyAthlete Self-injury Recovery 2 07-01-2006 01:07 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Phoenix (4), reachout (2), captjane (2), sad_in_sd (1), rudiraven (1), writeleft (1), lenvegas (1), Robocat (1), Titchou (1), Kszan (1)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1180), MSJayhawk (1013), Apollo123 (909), Titchou (856), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (763), ladybud (755), midwest1 (671), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (607)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:39 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!