My husband has an addictive personality.
We've been together for 14 years and in those 14 years he has went from smoking crack (before we got together) to dinking (while we were together) to someiking pot to taking pain pills to taking methadone to get off pain pills and smoking pot with methadone to taking Suboxone and now taking xanax WITH suboxone.
It's been nothing but a viious cycle and it's ruing our marriage.
We are unofficially seperated right now, I've taken off my ring and I just can't deal wioth this anymore.
He doesn't work and if he does work it's just to make enough money to buy the drugs he needs, our bills are never paid, I am the one who has to hustle to make the bills and rent and we have 4 children or I would have been long gone.
It is now at the point that if he doesn't have xanax he goes into grandmal seizures and this scares the **** out of me. He has had one at work (the one day he did work) and one at home and both were days that he hadn't had any sleep or xanax after 2 - days.
We also fight more as he acts like he's drunk when he takes them
I am prescribed xanax for panic disorder and I actually had to take myself off of them so he would quit stealing mine.
He is steal;ing my money..steals things from the house, borrows from everyone...but the one thing I DO know is he loves his children.
We are currently involved with CPS because of a fight we had (while he was on xanax) and I have a 14 yr old from a previous marriage and I have never been involved with CPS.
Things are spiraling out of control and I don't know what to do.
When I tell him he's taking too many, he always has a pissy come-back.
Or says I'm no better that he is or something.
I'm so desperate for help but I know what everyone says...Leave him, but I can't. I love him. I know he loves the family. He is just an addict. He has a disease and I can't just give up. But I can't help a person who doesn't want help.
I've been told everything.
I know he needs treatment. He won't do it.
I also believe there's an underlying problem that's never been addressed maybe even from childhood that has caused his addictive personality.
His whole family are addicts of some kind.
I guess I just need help on how to deal with it.
The only thing I can come up with is to seperate myself from him when he is all messed up.
It disgusts me. I literally cannot stand to look at him in the eyes.
It's really sad too because not long ago we were so in love. So happy. And all of a sudden, no marriage, no fun, no sex, I got beat up, he was charged with DV and child endagering and did something so stupid because when you overdose on xanax you think erratically and put yourself and others in danger wiothout even thinking logically about it..etc.
Your right. You do need someone to talk to. These message boards are a great supliment to a recovery program but we need more than these sites to make important decisions we are facing in life. Most on this board dont advocate the fellowship of AA. Alanon is a sister program for those that have or are being affected by someone elses addiction. May I suggest that you check that out?
I feel your pain in your post. The only difference is that I was the one in my family causing all the grief. I wish you all the best.
Never be afraid to try something new.
Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark.
A large group of professionals built the Titanic
Wow you are in a very bad spot. Is there any way to force him into treatment, maybe because he beat you up? He should have relised he needed help after he did that, and if he didn't well....you need to be very careful or he could kill you next time. I hate to say it but there are battered womens shelters, and maybe if you take the kids and leave he will relise he is distroying his familly. Like you said yourself you can't help someone if they don't want it. I can't begin to know how hard it will be for you, but if you have tried everything else..... Please get help, it might be time to force him to see how bad he is doing. Adicts don't like to here it but deep down he knows he needs help. If he loves his kids than leaving with them might be his rock bottom.
If you stay please be careful, protect yourself and your kids. I wish you well. I hope you will find help. Carrara
First of all... I am so glad you found us! You need support right now just as much as I need air to breathe. I am so sorry you are in this situation. I know what it feels like to "know" you should leave someone but you just can't seem to do it because you can't imagine life with out them either. It's a pickle... There is no doubt about it.
Demestic violence as you know is NOT acceptable on any level and my first and primary concern is for you and your children. It sounds like he uses a lot. Maybe there is a support group in your area?
Just know from here on out.. You are not alone. We will all help hold you up and help you in any way we came. Make yourself at home.
I know just what you are going through. My husband is on xanax all the time when he has them. I think its stupid and we were so happy for 1 1/2 of our marriage but it's gone down hill now. I hate it because he is not himself and he doesn't remember half of what he says and what he does. I have a daughter from a prevouis marriage and he has a daughter by his ex-girlfriend and he treats my daughter like **** when he is on the stupid pill. He doesn't tak whats on the bottle he takes more and more and more because he says that it don't kick in so he takes more and more. About 4 months age he mixed xanax and beer about 2 cases of beer and my father had to call the sherriff. But we just had to do it because he was out of it. I ask them to take him in but they wouldn't. He was plain ****** up and didn't care. He put me down in words that should have not been, but he didn't care because he was in a happy go lucky mood. I really don't know what to do about this and we need to get help. I love him so much but I'm tired of this and my daughter does not need to be around this. One reason that he is taking them again is because he lost his job and we just bought a house. He got layed off. but is like 50 in going back and we can't do this. Life sucks and it is just braking my heart into 2 peices and I don't kknow what to do. I was in control of them for awhile but than one day I was a t work and they came in the mail and I wasn't here so he hid some and it really p**** me off. Everybody says that he doent need to be on them including my family, his family, and his best friend. He just needs to get right with God and grow up. I can't liv lik this much more.