I lost one brother to alcohol in 1985 at the age of 33, and am in the process of losing another. Both were very successful, and both had families of their own. In the process, and along the road to alcoholism, they lost everything.
With the first brother, he went through treatment 4 times, each time coming out clean and sober. For a while, he worked as a treatment counselor. But the alcohol always drew him back.
I am the baby of 7, and the entire family went through counseling along with him. We learned how NOT
to enable. Let me say that it is VERY
difficult, and probably drove my dad to an earlier grave than should have.
My mother is still alive today, and at the age of 83, just over the past year and a half, she has had to kick out my other brother who moved in to help "care" for her. He is now living on the streets. We had to have him arrested three times last summer, because he was breaking into my mother's house, threatening harm to her. Luckily, she lives across from the Police Department, and they witnessed the break ins.
He has been offered everything, and even went so far as to allow us to bring him to a treatment facility/half-way house in the next town over. But after just 30 minutes there, he walked out and hitched a ride back to our little town.
hard to watch your loved one try to "find" their bottom. Some don't have one. I believe with all my heart that this brother will NEVER
find his bottom, and sadly, we are all just waiting for that "call".
So in closing, I tell you all of this to simply say, that if your son does not WANT
help, he will not seek it. And sadly, there's nothing you can do. What you MUST
do is take care of yourself, protect yourself, and DO NOT feel guilty for doing so.
As other's have said, give him and ultimatim, and let him know he is no longer welcome on your property. Have him move out, and let him know when he is READY
, you will be there for him with open arms.
I am soooo sorry you are going through this, as I have seen the HUGE
amounts of sorrow, sadness, and pain my brothers have caused my parents. It's not fair to put added stress and strain in my mom's life when she is living her "golden" years. I can see the deep sadness of her soul.
I hope and pray your boy will seek help, but if he does not, you cannot OWN the responsiblity for his choices.
Please do not let his choices destroy the chance at a peaceful and happy existance for yourself. Please contact Al-Anon. They were a huge help for myself, along with counseling, to help me know that it was my brothers choices, and not MINE, and that basically there was nothing we could do till he decides he's READY to become sober.
By sharing my story, I hope I have not offended you, as it was not my intent. Nor did I mean to scare you or come off as uncaring. I love my brothers very deeply.
I will say some extra prayers for you!