I have been with a guy for only a couple months and it's someone that Iíve known for about 15 years. I care about him SOOO much and we are sooo in love When we started dating he had budging disc in his lower back and it hit his sciatic nerve and was prescribed vicodins. He was in a TON of pain and it was understandable for him to be taking them then. Now the nerve problem is gone and he is still taking them because he says he is "sore". I think he is taking 2-3 a day. He isn't getting them prescribed he's getting them off the street. He works in the construction field and sometimes works 11 hours a day. IT's back breaking work..When we started dating he was taking about 5-7 a day at least, that I know of. I know he's tapered it off since then but still he is taking them daily. One night I noticed he wasn't sleeping and was sweating and his leg was twitching....He said he was a mess because he didn't have any pills. Which made me look at it like he has more of a problem!! So he's being up front with me but I still haven't had a "talk" with him about it yet because our relationship is so new. Another problem is his boss seems to have an addiction to vicodins as well. So if he can't go to work because he's sore the boss man will give it to him...He gets them from him and another guy he works with. When I found that out the wind was taken from my sails He's only 30 and has allot of life left in him and lately it just seems that he's tired and always sore and in pain and down. No insurance so he can't just go see a doctor. He also drinks on the pills. I care about him and don't know how to go about talking to him. First I need to see if he realizes that he has a problem right? Then go from there.....This guy is made for me if it wasn't for the addiction.....he's a perfect 10!! He's very responsible...besides the addiction. Do I run for my life or should I stick it out and get through it with him? He's very loving and all and is REALLY REALLY into me it seems.....Any suggestions would be helpful!! I try and make positives out of negatives and I think maybe I was put in his life for a reason. Please tell me how to handle this!!
No one had a talk with me. It was something I had to decide on my own. That I had a problem and wanted to change. My husband has known about my addictions but it was just something we didn't really talk about. Maybe it was me that didn't want to talk about it. He's known that I have legitamite pain issues for the most part but I didn't think he knew which times I was really abusing them. Now he is totally up to date on everything and is being very supportive. It's a great comfort for me to actually be able to talk about this with anyone.
It's only day 5 for me but it's not worth it for me to take another one after I've been though all of this misery.
Hummm so should i bring it up to him? I just don't want it to get out of control. I know he's been on them for a few months and the longer i sit back and NOT say anything the worse the addiction. At this point I don't think he even knows he has a problem....I'm at an age where i am looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with and i see it in him WITHOUT this addiction....i want him healthy & happy!!
It sounds like your BF has shared a lot of info with you. He certainly doesn't seem to be hiding anything. So, he's confiding in you....but how? Is he seeming sorry about this situation, or bragging about how the boss gives him pills? How are you reacting? Sounds like you are being understanding but non-judgmental. Honestly, though, he does have serious problems if he's buying stuff off the street and going through WD without it. This does not sound like the start of a promising relationship. Getting involved with an addict can end up very badly and suck the life out of you. My friend married a guy with a great job who was really "into her", but turned out to be a pill-popping alcoholic. She divorced him after 2 years.
My objective advice would be "run for your life". Please don't view yourself as the person put on this earth to save him. You are trying to justify a relationship that I think you know is not the best for you. Hope that helps, and good luck, sweetie.
Thank you so much for your response......I really appreciate it. It's really eye opening.....At this point he's not sorry about the situation. Then again I haven't said anything or acted like it bothers me or that I’m worried. I've just been assessing the situation. He's just acting like it's nothing or better yet he's acting like he's just getting by so he can make a living. He's not bragging at all. When he was getting the pill from his boss he was a little desperate acting. He walks around like and old man....I went to his house last night with a forum printed of people talking about their problems on the drug and I printed the home detox page that's on Health boards that explains ALOT that I don't think he even knows. I had every intent to sit down and talk to him about it but I just couldn't do it. Got cold feet.....I really don't think he knows about the withdrawals or any of that.....SO what I did before I left his house this morning I put what I printed under his keys and wrote I love you on the top and underlined a few things that I think is important. He was still sleeping though....just waiting for the phone call :/ I think he needs to be educated about the addiction. Like i said he's only been on it for a couple months. SO maybe i can catch it before it's to late Do you think what i did was good or no?
Hey Lins, yes, I think you're letting him know, in a gentle way, that he has a problem and that YOU know he has a problem. I'm just concerned that you're being manipulated. I know you said he's only been on the pills a few months, but that is quite a downward spiral in a short time (getting pills illegally, needing the pills just to function, going into WD without them, etc.). In my experience, that is the pattern of someone who's been abusing narcotics for awhile. Please understand that addicts are masters of manipulation and lying. They can make you think YOU'RE the one with the problem. I suspect he DOES know he's going through withdrawal, since you said he sounded desperate when seeking pills from the boss.
Lins, I'm an addict and parent of an addict, so I've seen both sides of the coin. I've manipulated my mother, and been manipulated by my son. My red flags are WAY up with your BF's situation. I give you a lot of credit for wanting to help him, but it sounds like it's because you've discovered a "flaw" in what you thought was a perfect match, and you want to erase that flaw. Keep in mind that if he senses your disapproval, he may pretend he's "off" the stuff and just hide his use from you. It's very complicated, honey. Which is why I recommend putting any relationship with this man on hold. I know it's hard when you think you've found the man of your dreams, but you may be in for a world of heartache. I think you should be honest ASAP that you believe he's addicted, and that's a deal-breaker. (Be prepared for him to minimize the problem though.)
Thank you so much for you honesty!!! I really have to think about what I’m going to do. I really really have fallen for this guy but I’m not going to play a fool. He texted me earlier this morning but it was prior to him finding the paperwork I left him. I responded with a question and that was hours ago and he hasn't responded. SO I don't know how he's taking it. Not going to text or call him though....I want him to contact me when he's ready. We have lots going on this weekend socially so that kinda sucks!! I really am interested to see how he takes all of this. As soon as we have a talk about it I’ll know in my heart what needs to happen. What you said though will definitely be a staple in this situation and I thank you for that!! It was all WAY WAY WAY to good to be true!!! Darn......such a shame!!! I'll let you know how it goes after the weekend is over....urrggg wish me luck!!
OH and to top it off....this is my horoscope for today!!! Very odd!!!
You directly confront something that has been hidden, forgotten, or ignored for a long time. Unresolved issues in personal relationships are stirred up and the underlying causes for a painful or problematic aspect of a relationship may be brought to light.
By the way.. WELCOME! I am so glad you found us. I am so sorry though that you are dealing with this.
I too have to agree with NotPerky because I too am an addict and know first hand how "we" can work. We are master manipulators when we want to be and can be extremely convincing. I have done that a lot in my life (since I started pills). I can honestly say this board is the only place where I can be 100 % honest and that is only because it is anonymous and that is so shameful for me. It doesn't mean we are bad people, but we have a problem that needs help! We are addicts and we will sometimes do a lot of things to get what we want that we never thought was possible.
Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would EVER become an addict. I started using pills because I was sick (gallbladder).. Before i knew it, I was so addicted that my head was spinning and if I didn't take the pills, withdrawal with HORRIBLE.. I was so desperate... So, I really feel for you because I think you need to fully understand what you are getting into before you fall even further in love with this guy. I think it's time to really have the talk with him about it and I am SO PROUD of you for leaving those papers under his keys! That took courage but it needed to be done so good for you.
Woman to woman... be careful okay? You will be in my prayers! Keep us posted please!
Thank you soooo so much!!! I'll definitely get back with you all after this weekend!! He called me just now and i didn't answer....i'm scared!! About to leave work and i'll call him back when i have a cigarette LOL!!! My lil addiction Thank you again for all your support!!! XOXO
Lins, I feel for you but your last post did give me a chuckle (being nervous about talking to him). I had a similar situation a few years back. My BF at the time was a master BS artist. He would just make stuff up on the fly, rather than said he didn't know or feel dumb, I guess. It bothered the heck out of me, but I never wanted to confront him because I didn't want to rock the boat. I finally got up the nerve to tell him, and I used an example of something I knew was a bold-faced lie. Didn't shake him a bit. He came up with an excuse for WHY he told the lie.
So, I understand feeling shaky about having "a talk" when the relationship is still so new. Just remember, YOU'RE not the one with the problem.
P.S. He's not my BF anymore. I can't deal with BS.
OK....so i called him back on my way home and he was with a couple of his buddies working on his truck so we didn't talk about it. He wanted me to go where he was and i did. After that we went to a holloween party and then got home around 1:00. When we got to his house i noticed that the print outs were in a different spot and laid out like he had read them. We didn't talk about it and we went to bed and i took two tylenols when i went to bed and woke up and took another two (drink of the night captain and coke)....and he said "geez your taking allot of pills so i need to make some print outs for you" and i said "what i took doesn't have opiats in it jerk" and that was it. So when he went in the shower i peeked in his drawer, where he keeps his vicodens, and i noticed a baggy of light green pills that say Watson 550 on them. What are those? Are they better or worse?
All weekend he seemed in good spirits. I just didn't want to ruin the "moment" by bringing it up but i know i we still need to have a talk. I totally wussed out. We're still in our honeymoon phase. Besides being a couple we're friends and have been for 15 years. So breaking it off would be close to impossible! If i could create a guy for me from scratch it would be him. We finish each others sentances.....all our friends are in awww with us. He is VERY VERY attractive as well so that doesn't help. We're the "perfect couple". THis morning he made me the best breakfast and gave me a key to his place. LOL.....uurrg!!
I have another friend that had the same problem with her lover and she has recovered.....so that gave me hope!
Tonight he's making me dinner and his family is coming over. Afterwards i am going to bring it up...this weekend has been non stop with stuff gong on so tonight after we unwind and his family leaves i think it will be a good time to talk about it. I'll let you know how that goes. IF you can give me some info on the other pills though i would appreciate it Thank you all for your responses.......I love this site!!
Lins, you will have to research what the pills are....there are many different pills with many different colors/shapes/imprints, but pills in a "baggy" is never a good sign. But you already knew that. And now he's trying to put you on the defensive....as predicted. Good luck!
P.S. I meant good luck in a supportive way....but honestly I think you are in for a tough road because you are trying to convince yourself there isn't a problem.
Last edited by NotPerky; 11-01-2009 at 07:38 PM.
Reason: added something
You can look up online what the pills are. The parent site for this message board has a service that can tell you what those pills are, complete with a photo. And if they're in a baggie, they were not dispensed by a pharmacy!
I don't think you should put social events above your mental and emotional health...those are just distractions to keep you from dealing with it. And you CAN break up...don't say you can't. I lived with a pill addict (also meth addict and alcoholic) and it is a living hell. I was afraid all the time he would die with his mixtures of meth, pills and alcohol. One time he combined oxycontin with alcohol and his head kept lolling and he was almost semi-conscious...I kept shaking him to try to keep him alive! Don't put yourself through this. He doesn't seem to think he has a problem, and he will only stop if HE wants to...not because you want him to. Please think of yourself and your well-being.
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." - Erica Jong
Yeah...urrggg i'm just so bummed out about all of this. My wheels are turning!! After doing some research online those pills i found in his drawer are vicodens No wonder why he was in such a great mood all weekend!! Each night we went out we had to leave early because he was too buzzed....makes sense. Can't drink on those things. Well i have lots of thinking to do. Not sure i can deal with this....Seems like everyone in my area are on these things. I keep finding out about more and more people with this problem. It's like an epidemic!! I took those pills when i got my wisdom teeth pulled years ago and it didn't do anything for me. Yeah it took away the pain but didn't feel screwed up at all....Everyone is different though. It's crazy how if you were out in public and you pulled out a needle and shot up you would be in jail BUT if you sitting there and you pop a pill it's "ok" That's what scares me. It's almost worse than those drugs! Well Iím now SUPER educated on this stuff and Iíll tell you what if I ever get hurt Iím staying away from that stuff!! No WAY!!!
You all have been great help with guiding me!!! As hard as it is to hear I know what needs to be done and I thank you for that. Time to put my boxing gloves on....fight myself out of being a dummy!!
My evening was very emotional.... having a hard time dealing with Dan and his pill situation. Talked to my mom on the ride out to his house about it and she went into this dark discussion about my dad that brought me to tears last night and made me cry all the way home this morning. AWFUL!!! My dad passed when i was nine years old and had a huge addiction problem to just about everything you can imagine. I learn more and more as i get older. Come to find out my dad was into METH!!!!! Just all that my mother went through is what really kills me. Now more then ever because i can relate being at the age i'm at. He was the love of her life and he was the father of her children and what she had to deal with was just mind blowing. So that makes me think about my future with him. I don't want to be with an addict. He needs to stop taking those pills!! So all last night he kept asking me what wrong and i couldn't even talk about it without my bottom lip quivering like i was going to cry. So all i said was my mom told me some crazy stuff and i can't talk about it right now. He was SOOO concerned....I've been wanting to talk about his problem but i just can't find the right time. Last night was perfect but i couldn't do it. Was WAY to emotional. So he called me this morning and said "i was really worried about you, you barely said 2 words all night and you will not tell me whats wrong" and i told him this morning what my mom said and then i told him that I'm worried about about his pill addiction. He COMPLETELY changed the subject.....said "wasn't it cold in my house this morning" :/ and we hung up and i was like omg...can't believe how bad he avoided it. I can believe it but i was hoping for an ounce of concern. We hung up and then he called right after and pretty much wanted to know why my mom would tell me that right now just to bring me down.....totally avoided my issues with him. Was more upset that my mom would tell me that info right now with him being dead and nothing good coming out of it. I couldn't tell him that i'm talking to my MOM about his addiction and that's why it got brought up....So i had to come up with something stupid like i brought it up so now he's like why are you dwelling in the negative....So then he said he wanted me to come help him pack tonight and we would talk. So that's where we're at right now : ( uuurrrrggggg
I texted him this and haven't heard back from him..... "I love you babe...just want a healthy happy future with you and i see those pills screwing that up. Scares me!! Everything has been so perfect except that "
So i'm going there tonight and he's leaving to go hunting all weekend. He'll be in a hut in the middle of the woods all by himself to think....really think. I'll be out with all my girls Big girls night out Sat and i'm looking SOOO forward to it....This is all taking a toll on me
Oh and in addition what really sent me over the edge is that i heard from a friend that he got Percocets....i'm sure your all familure with those. NOT good!!! Seems his addiction is taking a turn for the worst