A few weeks ago, I was doing my husband’s laundry and found a half of a straw in his back pocket. I asked him about it and he said he had occasionally been using meth. I told him to quit or I would take our son away and leave. A few days later, I gave him a random at home drug test. He passed. But my understanding was that meth is out of your system in 48-72 hrs. So I didn't feel too confident but allowed him to stay. But a few days later, we agreed to separate for awhile and he left for 4 days. We had a fire at our house a couple weeks ago and he had to come home because we had to take everything out of our garage and attic. He had told me he was staying with a co-worker but then I found out he had been staying at a friend’s. I don't know why he lied about it, but the friends had found out he was using after talking with my best friend about his strange behavior and asked him to leave. Now he says he has been using for six months. How could I not notice, well, he is bi-polar and I just thought he was "manic" but was suspicious something else was up. Now he is home, which I don't like but feel like at least I can monitor him. I have asked him to go to a meeting and even printed out a list and left it on the counter (this was a week ago). I don't want to give him an ultimatum because he won't stop using unless he wants to not because I tell him to. Understandably, Thanksgiving was last week and so a couple of days he couldn't go to a meeting. Can someone let me know who knows from experience...do I make him leave even though he seems sober (but he's a great actor) or what? I am a stay at home mom with a three year old and have no college degree and everything is in his name. I need his money to pay bills, buy food, etc. Was trying to get him into meetings and past Christmas and then ask him for divorce, but I see no progress. What do I do?
Last edited by mod-anon; 12-02-2009 at 06:54 AM.
Reason: edited font
Hi mommywifeinok - I missed your question yesterday and I wanted to respond. Meth is the worse of all of the drugs in my opinion! I saw it ruin my sister-in-law's family, where 8 years later she is just now starting to recover. They lost everything, house, furniture, cars, and $10's of thousands in loans that he took out to put up his nose. My sister-in-laws unfortunately has very bad credit because of him that she is now starting to fix. You have to do what is right for your family. He STILL has a responsibility to support you and your family, even if he's not living with you.
Maybe other people on this forum know of someone who has stopped Meth. I don't know of any. I believe it is safe to say that he need professional treatment for his addiction, even if he is in denial about it. Random drug tests on your part are essential. I hope you can find a solution to your problem. Good Luck.
My whole neighborhood growing up got into meth..Thank god I was one of the few that didnt..Out of about 30 people, I know one that finally quit after putting his wife through hell for 15 years. The other 29 are still using ..homeless juming from place to place and stealing from anyone they can..Now I do have to say that the one who did quit is about the only one whos wife didnt leave him. She stuck by him through it all. With meth comes cheating also..I used to thhink she is so dumb to stay with him but in the end she and him now have a wonderful life..Boy she deserves it!! probably without you he will use forever, with you he has a fighting chance. good luck to you..you are going to need it..
This is going to be the hardest thing you will ever have to do but it is time for you to go to mom's and stay there if they can help you with some legal aid get a lawyer so you don't loose everything but the only way out of this mess is either husband go into rehab for 30 days right now or you will have no choice but to leave and never go back. You can't make him, force him, cajole him or nag him into going this is something he has to do on his own...he sounds like he is on a downhill slide and nothing you can do but to keep your child and you safe and away from him. It might be a good thing everything is in your husbands name because it will be him that they come looking for when he looses his job and he will lose his job. Good luck.
If you leave your husband now, that world will swallow him up and take him along for a scary rollercoaster ride. The only way out for a meth user on their own is to hit rock bottom. Some can manage better on it (like me) so its a long n windy road and others its a quick trip to the bottom. And you wont know which your husband is until hes at the bottom.
If you love your husband and believe in the vows you exchanged, then youre going to need to fight for him. And its not going to be easy. Probably the hardest battle u'll ever have to face. So only you can decide what is best for you. Are you strong enough, is your love strong enough, are you willing to just let him slip away. Are you willing to throw him to the wolves and let him fend for himself and fight for his life? Because that is what you will be doing. If you turn your back on him, meth will take control of his life.
Are you ready to be on him like stink on poop? Nagging, and UAing, and constantly questioning and pushing him in the right direction. Cuz if you do decide to fight it out, theres no giving in or backing down otherwise theres a chance you could get sucked in too.
This subject is very hard for anyone to to answer or guide you on because only you know the answer. I cant really advise you on a way that works. I can only tell you the way it doesnt. My family turned their back on me, and that was the worst thing they could have ever done. I still dont talk to them to this day and I was stuck in that vicious cycle/world for 10 long years. The less people a meth addict has that care about him, the deeper it sucks him in.
My heart goes out to you. And I wish you the best of luck. If you dont attend church now, you may want to find one. Because meth is the devil and youre going to need all the strength you can get.
life sounds like yours-been with husband for almost 23 yrs. Divorced in 2004 ( he was on pain killers & not working & I had an affair-no excuse-but it takes two) Got divorced but we never really seperated for very long-still lived together.
My stepson is also a meth addict-knowing what it has done to our son--you would think that my husband wouldnt go there. I have paid for my step son to go to rehab 5 times--always went back to meth. He is now serving 3 yrs in prison for meth related burgleries.
Husband & I were doing good I thought-we had bought a house in 2006 to flip-he was doing all the work as I have my own business. he apparently started using in may 2006--I knew something was horribly wrong--all the money not accounted for, not answering the phone, missing in action, temper--I found out dec 24, 2006 from my son who was in his first rehab--he said "mama daddy is using meth too" Oh God--it was just the beginning of a long drawn out nightmare.
I would kick him out-he would go live with his mom, I would take him back, I would suspect he was using, he would fail or refuse to take a drug test & I would kick him out again. I lost count of how many times we kissed & made up & he promised me he would never use again. He joined church & was clean for about 8 months--somewhere in there--it was wonderful. Then the cycle started all over again.
he was gone from April 09-June 09 & started coming over (mistake) he was clean & said all the right things. Both Christians we remarried our preachers house on monday afternoon June 29 09 he PROMISED ME NO MORE METH-weird things started happening & he was acting funny so I ask him to drug test in Sept-he flat refused. I ask him to leave again. he started working & was living with his mom. I was so lonley & I started calling him--to ease my pain--well--we kissed & made up again. He started giving me money to help pay all the bills & life was good...or so I thought-weird stuff starts happening again-I find out he can't account for almost 600.00-800.00 dollars of his pay check--he just said-Im irresponsible with money-so I test his pee in the toilet & it comes out positive. I asked why & he proceeded to tell me you cant test toilet pee-I told him i was sending it off to the lab 4 confirmation--and if it was indeed positive--I would be filing for a divorce & that would be the end of us. As it was killing me--& I was letting it.
the day after Thanksgiving I called the lab & it was indeed positive. he was at work & I talked to him--he didn't have much to say. When he got home I ask him what he had to say-& he said he didnt know why it would be positive. I ask him to not throw me under the bus & make me feel like I'm crazy. he finally admitted to using-& said he only spent 25.00 on it--& it was only one time. I can't tell you how many "one time's" excuses I have heard.I ask him would he please get help. he said he didnt have a problem & didnt need help.
He left-& went to his moms-we have spoken one time by phone--where he proceeded to tell me" I could move on the the next victom?" Typical of an addict--it's always somebody elses fault. I filed for divorce December 2nd. I WANT DO THIS ANYMORE I finally--thank God finally that I realize I can't do this anymore--it's killing me-my finances, peace, everything--his addiction & tyring to keep track of him & "is he using"or not using is no way to live. Him living here was only enabling him to continue to use. it will never be ok with me that he uses--I cant be married to someone I dont trust. Meth & truth don't mix.
Make no mistake--this is killing me. Right here at Christmas-we have spent 23 yrs of Chistmas's together. I have decided NO CONTACT--cause I still love him so much--but he would come back say all the right things--then it would happen again
I hope this helps someone. I think it helped me.