My 25 yr old Son passed away Wednesday. Car accident while 3 blocks from home. Only problem he was taking the demon drug "Xanax", his drug of choice, and mixing it with alcohol. Wow, am I sad, confused and worn to the bitter bone. 8 years of dealing with addiction of son has caused me great sorrow. But this beats it all. Pray for me guys....this is tough!!!!!
Oh, Sweet Jesus, Flint. I can not imagine the torment you are in right now. My mind is just racing, hard to wrap it around this. My precious friend, I am so shocked and sorrowful with this news. You have been a mother who has endured and fought this battle of his addiction for so long. I know you must be worn beyond comprehension. So much caring, so much loving, so great an effort to help him. I know that God in his wisdom has allowed this to happen, but there is just no understanding for us here on earth.
Flint, I guess he is at peace now, but he has left devastation behind for his family and friends. He did try, Flint. He did. He just couldn't find the strength to stay away from that demon Xanax. The lure of drugs is too much for some.
Flint, as you try and deal with this, please try to put the crap behind you. Find and hold on to the bond of love and to the memories that are good. Of course it will take time, of course it will be painful. Seek every avenue of support there is. Working through such grief will take time, dear friend, but it will eventually happen. Peace for you is my prayer for now. You have shown yourself to be a mother of love, of understanding, of strength.
I am so sorry for your pain. I think that God has a soft and comfortable bed for him so that he can finally rest and have peace. Maybe this is why God called him home. To rest, to find the peace he could not find here. As you come to terms with this, it is time for peace for you also, Flint. I wish I could be with you to cry with you and hug you. This is a time to lean on others.
I wish I had better words of comfort, but I just don't think there are any words right now. I only know for sure that while he lived, he was blessed with a wonderful, wonderful mother.
Special thoughts of you today. I know it will in no way be a happy Mother's Day for you, so I will wish you a Comforting Mother's Day. Hold on to your Hubby and younger son today, Flint. Be peaceful in the knowledge that the mothering you gave your older boy was the best any mother could possibly give.
To those still caught in the throes of addiction, understand that the addiction affects far more than just the addict. Fight it and fight it hard. No Mom should have to spend Mother's Day and beyond sufffering over the loss of child.
Flint I don't know u well but I started reading your posts when I decided to join this board. I admired your strength and the love you had for your family. I know it is not intended for a mother to outlive a child but sometimes that is the way God has it planned.
Flint I had a husband who made my life completely miserable when he was on xanax. This drug escalated into him trying way more harder things and our life just went completely downhill from there. Xanax is a very horrible drug for some people to ever come in contact with. It is horribly addictive and people absolutely have no idea of the things they do when they are on this drug.
My hope is that he didn't suffer. I know that he knew u loved him and ur parenting and love helped him start to get his life together in the end. I am sorry that he had a relapse. Most people who have really bad addiction problems and get into xanax never completely get off the drug. Of course I am not speaking for everyone.
Flint as we speak I am saying a prayer for God to give u peace in your heart. I said the same prayer when u had to kick him out because of all the devastation your family was going through. God will get you through this and make ur family stronger.
I cant even begin to understand how you feel. I too am a mother and the pain you must be in breaks my heart. I would love to say something to comfort you but know there is nothing to say. I only hope you can find some comfort in your heart. My prayers go out to you and your family.
Thanks to you alll sweet people! Funeral was Monday the 9th...A young man had a seizure during the service. But for some reason I feel as though that meant something. Not sure what. Funeral was awesome. Sooooo many people there I could not believe it. Family is sticking close to one another and we really are doing ok. One minute we're good, next we cry..but that's the healing process, and we must endure it...if anyone addicted to or taking xanax, please dont....or stop!! That little pill or bar or stick, whatever u want to call it, is filled with demons...............and it's so very dangerous.............I love you all!!!!
You have been so much in my mind. It is all so sad. Son's peace has come and I am glad you and the family are sticking close as you search for your own. Hoping tonight some rest comes to you.
I know starting this thread had to be tremendously hard writing the words that you did. Let's hope that your brave sharing bears fruit and those struggling with addiction can find strength to fight it hard after reading your story.
Just thinking of you. I wanted to say I admire you greatly for responding to posters in such a dark hour. That takes courage, girl, lots of courage. Sharing the story of your son's journey will help others I have no doubt. Your continued support of others is remarkable.
This board has gotten me through a lot of sleepless nights. I love you all and I tell everyone about this board. I will continue to try and give advice on what I know something about. Sad as it is, addictions don't go away just because your loved one loses his/her life; that's part of addiction. The sad part. The "I can't do it any more." The struggle is hard...and I mean hard...but I truly believe every one of the addicts can conquer these demons. Rehab is the easy part; living in this world of drugs "without" drugs is the hardest part. You gotta want it really bad!!!!! Thanks Reach for checking in on me, I am doing fine. Emotions are crazy right now. Ok one minute or hour, then outta no where, it hits...he's really gone...he's really gone...I guess I have to take it hour by hour and day by day as well..........Stay strong you people who are struggling.....I am praying for you!!!!
hey flintrock just wanted to let u know i have been thinking about u. U are still in my prayers. I know how hard addiction is. I fight it also, just not on a scale as grand as some. I thank God for that. Xanax is one of the worst things to be hooked on. My exhusband was hooked on them then he went to crack/cocaine. I am hooked on pain meds which my doc gave me for a chronic condition but i try to only take 3 instead of 4 a day. but nonetheless I am dependent on them and have withdrawls when i don't have any. i sort of understand both sides, one as an addict and one as a person close to an addict. My exhusband literally ruined my life. I am still trying to rebuild it. I wasted over 20 years total with this man and he just kept on draining and draining me till there was almost nothing left to take. I have 3 children who have turned out amazingly well despite all the cards stacked against them. I have a suspicion that my 17 year old has been drinking but I am talking to him and trying to get him to see what substance abuse from his father has done to us. My addiction so far hasn't caused any real problems as I get mine from a doc and have them to take and I don't really desire to go to the "street" to get extras. However, just the fact that I physically need them to get through the day really bothers me as much as the pain that I take them for does. I can understand why addicts feel the need to do the things they do to get their drugs. the withdrawls both physical and emotional are hard. I have to agree though that emotional withdrawls are probably worse because u keep thinking u need this to get through. If I weren't craving these roxicodones physically I think I could be okay with the emotional part. Of course I will have to wait till I get to that point to tell. I know that I won't even be thinking of any pain medicine and all the sudden my body will let me know that it is time or close to it. Heaven forbid i go way over because then i literally start into withdrawls. My legs and arms feel like they are being jerked from me and i start sneezing with the runny nose and the whole nine yards. It is absolutely horrible. I feel like I have some control over myself and I feel really sorry for those who are worse off and have absolutely no control. They truly need help and sometimes I don't know if they think they can quit. Just try to remember what kind of control that the drugs had over ur son. It is very hard to fight. Some people are more successful than others at getting rid of it. I know my ex just substituted his addiction for another drug. He says he gets this drug cheaper but all in all it is the same and I feel he is still under the control of some sort of substance. It has messed up his mind. he isn't logical in his thinking any longer.
Again Flint. I really hope u can find some peace in ur heart and u are doing the right thing to take it hour by hour. I believe that u add great advice to this board. I told u before u were one of the original posts I started to read. maybe some good can come of this pain by u posting and helping others with their problems. I think deep down ur son would have approved.
You need to remember that there is a world of difference between addiction and dependence brought on to control chronic pain. We takes these pills because we have to in order to live some semblance of a normal life. You really shouldn't be so hard on yourself about it.