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Old 07-20-2011, 08:06 PM   #1
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Love my husband but love me more

My husband and I met through mutual friends. We were all smoking weed at the time and partying but we fell for each other. He was and is so sweet and a gentleman. Over the years I stopped smoking weed but he graduated to snorting powder then mixing cocaine with the weed. He now is smoking crack. I married him knowing he mixed the 2 drugs so I thought I was prepared. I told mysel that I went into this with my eyes wide open so I knew what to expect. I loved him so and he loved me. And when he wasn't high, I loved being around him. We married 2004 and now I want to leave him. He has been to 3 rehabs and he always changes for a couple of months then he starts using again and I know the signs. This last time out of rehab I thought it would last. It had been 5 months, the longest he has ever gone without using then the sign starts. I use to get mad, lock him out or make him sleep on the couch but I would never leave him. He has a temp job and I would feel so bad if I left him and months later I pass him on side of the rode begging for change. You see he has no where to go if I leave him but I'm at the point now that with these mood swings and me paying every bill in the house and watching him detoriate before my eyes. He tells me he wants to stop and asks me to pray for him which I do. I give him scriptures of encouragement and he prays every morning but by the time he gets off he is either high or drunk or both. He says this drug has a strong hold on him but I tell him God is bigger than all of that. I go to work thinking everything is going to work out and when he picks me up I see it all over his face and I don't see him eat hardly anymore. Me or my prayers can't save him. I have to leave for me. I'm miserable with him and I feel as if I'm enabling him. I don't give him money but I do everything else so he doesn't want for anything like food or shelter. We have been together since 1999. He worked while I went to school and took care of me and 3 kids that were not his. As I said earlier, he is a good person but he loves the drugs more than me. Advise please.

 
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Old 07-20-2011, 09:11 PM   #2
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Re: Love my husband but love me more

uummm..this is so incredibly hard, but the best thing you could do for him would be to leave. Especially if you have children that are being subjected to this behavior on a regular basis. You have been awesome at supporting and taking care of him.....but it's time he started to support and take care of himself. As long as you're doing that for him, he can carry on status quo.

I'm sorry, truly, I know this decision must be tearing you apart...but he has to really hit rock bottom before he's going to realize he needs serious long term professional help, and as long as your there taking care of him, he won't.

I hope that you come to a peaceful decision and I will keep you in your family in my prayers.

Kat

 
Old 07-20-2011, 10:47 PM   #3
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Re: Love my husband but love me more

On one hand it seems when you both were getting high it was all good. Now, you've changed and it's no longer "cool" that he gets high cuz you have changed.

Well newsflash.......... it's okay to feel that way. Don't feel guilty, in fact don't even consider that in your vocabulary due to the fact that you've changed for the good and to better yourself. This "gentlemen" is a dirtbag. I'm sorry. Any man that lives off a woman, especially a woman with 3 kids, c'mon.... dude is playing you like flute in high school.

If I were in your shoes, I would do the following:

Sit him down and explain what is about to transpire. Explain that you and the kids have seen, heard and put up with enough. Give him 6 weeks to change. I say 6 weeks cuz really, it just seems like a good number. Be firm and without emotion let him know where he will be and where you won't be if he chooses this lifestyle.

SORRY.... I just re read your post and don't know how I missed the crack smoking part. Okay cut the 6 weeks down to 2 because when it comes to crack users my dear, you are just prolonging the inevitable. At this point, he will most certainly choose the drug over you.

I entered into my relationship with a woman that has 2 kids... I consider them my own. I love them with my whole heart and it took one of them to say they once were proud of me and now they were not when I was arrested to solidify my place in the sober world. You and your kids are number one. He..... a distant 6th.

I am bias when it comes to crack users because I have had 1st hand knowledge of the damage, destruction it leaves in its path and without regard for anyones emotions, feelings or ones self worth. People have sold their souls for that drug. Ive been low as low can go and still never considered that drug to get high. I was a responsible drug addict.

I lost my thoughts on the matter but hopefully what I have written so far will take you a little closer to making the right decision.

Last edited by corissa3; 07-20-2011 at 10:50 PM.

 
Old 07-21-2011, 05:34 AM   #4
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Re: Love my husband but love me more

Quote:
Originally Posted by Morter View Post
My husband is smoking crack.
He has been to 3 rehabs and he always changes for a couple of months then he starts using again
You see he has no where to go if I leave him

He tells me he wants to stop and asks me to pray for him which I do. I give him scriptures of encouragement and he prays every morning
He says this drug has a strong hold on him but I tell him God is bigger than all of that. I have to leave for me. I'm miserable with him and I feel as if I'm enabling him. I don't give him money but I do everything else so he doesn't want for anything like food or shelter. As I said earlier, he is a good person but he loves the drugs more than me. Advise please.

Hello Morter,

I wouldn't say he is a hopeless case but at this point in time,the only thing he can and will do is continue to bring both you and your children down with him.

He always has a place to go,which is back to rehab and i'm thinking inpatient,for longer than a month.The question remains whether or not he will be willing to go.

Prayer is fine in and of itself but I must remind that The Lord helps those who help themselves.

The work has to be put in,for the results to be seen......

Take it from a person who has been there(on the side of addiction).

He doesn't seem to be leaving you with many options.

He may love you more than the drugs but the psychology of this particular addiction dictates that need trumps love,time and time again.

The psychological manifestation of need is apparent in him.

Unless he addresses the underlying cause,he'll be going into battle with a slingshot minus the rocks(no pun intended).

Respectfully
Phoenix
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