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Old 09-10-2011, 10:21 PM   #1
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sosadandalone HB User
Angry Letter to my crackhead husband

Your drug use is breaking my heart. You have continually lied to me about your use, and I know you have been using recently (I keep finding stuff in places it shouldn't be), and you think you are fooling me, but you aren't. In the 8 months since you first smoked crack, our life has become a living hell. You have spent all our money, and even though I have cut off your money, you still keep managing to get drugs.

Does your use mean you are willing to risk losing me, and your son? If the answer is yes, where does that leave me? In second place, or third. Where does that leave your son? How do you think he is going to react when you wind up in the hospital or worse, because of this drug?

Sex is a major problem for us, or rather I should say lack of sex. It is not normal for any married couple to go without sex for 7 months without making love, but it is how we live. I used to feel wanted by you, but now I can't even hold your attention for a simple conversation, and when you say you love me, you never look at me when you say it. I wonder where your mind is going, and what you are thinking about. Are you thinking about how you are going to get money for another rock, or what lie you will tell me about where you were and what you did with $30? I never really know, and I always wonder.

All you seem to want now is crack, and the high that lasts 10 minutes at best. You know the feeling is a lie, and you still want it. It is a selfish thing, what you do, and proves you don't give a damn about me or your son. You would do anything to get it, and to hell with the rest of us.

What gives you the right to escape like that? What makes it okay for YOU do get high and escape and leave me here to carry the entire burden? What makes it okay? Because YOU want to do it? Because it makes YOU feel better for a while? Because YOU get to forget how hard life is for a few minutes? What gives you the right??

Emotionally, it's devastating. I am so damn lonely, and instead of having a husband who loves me and protects me, cherishes me and accepts the love I need to give him, I have a husband who just wants to escape it all. A husband who is emotionally unavailable and physically shut off from me. A husband who doesn't really give a damn about his family as long as he gets what he wants.

The movie we watched the other night was painful, because that is EXACTLY what you look like and act like when you are high. You don't think so (because you are a crackhead) but it really is. And it is very painful to watch. What makes it okay for you to do that to us? What makes your addiction so much more important that anything else?

I hate what this drug has done to us and what it has made us into. If I could firebomb every drug dealer in this city I would, just to prevent you from finding any more of this crap. I know it wouldn't be a permanent solution, but it would make me feel better. I am going to send another mass letter to the neighborhoods where these dealers live, and to the police and DEA with their names and which houses they live in (yes, I followed you). I hope every one of them gets arrested, and I wish every one of them a lifetime of hurt and agony. I am just so sick of it. I know you might get arrested too, but maybe it is for the best. At least there you might get the help you need.

I really think our marriage is over, because I cannot trust you. I love you, but I cannot live like this anymore. If you really got help, and really stayed clean and sober, there would be hope for us.

 
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Old 09-11-2011, 04:58 AM   #2
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Re: Letter to my crackhead husband

Quote:
Originally Posted by sosadandalone View Post
Your drug use is breaking my heart.

I am going to send another mass letter to the neighborhoods where these dealers live, and to the police and DEA with their names and which houses they live in (yes, I followed you). I hope every one of them gets arrested, and I wish every one of them a lifetime of hurt and agony. I am just so sick of it. I know you might get arrested too, but maybe it is for the best. At least there you might get the help you need.

.
Hello sosadandalone,

I hear the message you are trying to convey; was even saying to myself that I wish someone would've written me a letter like that when I was in the throws of my addiction.....

Up until the mass letters,dealers and law enforcement on both federall and local levels became apparent.

While your crusade is intended to solve one set of problems it potentially creates a myriad of others.

While attempting to expose certain individuals,you place the entire family at risk.Retaliatory efforts come to mind,which compromise safety.

Do you deserve better,sure....Do you deserve to feel appreciated and loved,definitely...we all do.

You can't save your husband and protect your son at the same time;not this way.

Extrapolating further,you can't save your husband this way either.....what it will do is force him to go outside of his locale to attain this insidious substance.

You see,a person addicted will possess chameleon-like qualities and will either adapt to their environment or search elsewhere for an environment that better suits them....to score,or to recover....the choice is his to make.

I saw this somewhere and would like to share this poinant point with you: a crackhead will steal your wallet and then help you search for it....an attestation to a specific mindset.
=========================
When I was about to recover from the vices of crack(some 11 years ago) I wrote a letter to self and in it I saw the negative,respected it and knew the only way to rid myself of these ways of mines was to part ways with the part of me that wanted to flee.

If he gets to that point,or even comes close,then the possibility of recovery can be entertained.
=========================
I cannot tell you what to do but I hope that this response helps to shed a little light on your situation.

Please be safe.

Respectfully
Phoenix
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