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Old 09-18-2011, 05:58 PM   #1
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Trying to help my addicted son

Sorry if I mess up here I have never been on a forum board before. My son is in his 40's and has been addicted to prescription drugs/alcohol for 8yrs that I know of but am sure a lot longer than that. He has been in and out of treatment centers 4times. He recently started taking suboxone saying he wants to quit drugs no mention of alcohol he thinks he has no problem with that. I feel that the suboxone is a band aide solution and he should go for long term treatment once again if he really wants to become clean and sober once and for all. He did 28 day, 60,-and 2 90 day programs and still goes right back to the addictions. He lost his wife, his kids, his house and his job, I don't know what has to happen to wake him up. Does anyone have any thoughts on this or is any parent going through similar experience?

 
Old 09-18-2011, 06:23 PM   #2
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Re: Trying to help my addicted son

Really sorry to hear of your problem Has to be heartbreaking. I know you will find help here. There are some great people here that won't hesitate to help you as they have me.Will pray for your son.

 
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Old 09-18-2011, 06:30 PM   #3
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Re: Trying to help my addicted son

Hi Solitary

Glad to meet you, although I am sorry it is under such sad circumstances.

First thing I want to say is that I am sorry for your troubles and as a mom also, I can certainly empathize. When our children have problems, we have problems.

For you, I think the best thing you can do is to attend some Nar-anon or Al0anon meetings to help you. Gain from the wisdom of others who are either going through the same or have gone through it. It will also help you to know and undertsand how to deal with an addict.

Suboxone~~~ it did not happen to be the route I took, but for many it is the only route. It does stop the cravings. Suboxone does have an opiate in it and withdrawing from it, if that is ever a decision that comes to be, is the same as withdrawing from any other opiate. Some never come off of it because their history has proven they just can not stay away from addiction behavior without it. To me, that is okay... it sure beats needing more and more of any other opiate to get the same effects and that can eventually lead to death. With Suboxone, there will be no craving for a higher dose. It does not give a feeling of being 'high."

One of the advantages I see in Suboxone is that it gives the addict time to becoame sober thinking, which is the real key to success over addiction. I became sober thinking long before my lengthy tapers from Oxycodone and then from Xanax. For some, it is a greater struggle. It seems that for your son, it is the greater struggle.

I think it might help you to view the use of Suboxone not as a band-aid, but rather as a lifesaver. Suboxone is made from buprenorphine and naloxone. The buprenorphine in it is an opiate and was actually what was used for quite a while to help alcoholics. The naloxone is what puts a 'ceiling' on the effects of opiates. (Son should probably give up the alcohol as well). If you can understand that Suboxone may be the only thing that can save your son's life at this point, it may be easier to support him in his efforts to find sobriety. It will allow him to feel more "normal" again and provide him with the opportunity to experience life sober. When he discovers life is not so scary without drugs (all addicts fear life without drugs!), he may one day decide to come off the Suboxone.

Bear with him if you can and support him in this. It takes determination admit that drugs are ruining his life and to begin Suboxone. It is a start.

Best wishes and hugs
reach

 
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Solitary (09-18-2011)
Old 09-18-2011, 07:08 PM   #4
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Re: Trying to help my addicted son

Thank you for your kind words. I have been Completely supportive of my son during the past 8 yes. My husband and I have believed he would make it each and every time he tried. I now suspect he only went to rehab because we and his siblings pretty much backed him into a corner. He has never truly been ready. What does it take for them to hit bottom as they say. This is the 3rd time he has been on suboxone that is why I feel for him it is the band aide solution and perhaps the easy way out. He also did the methadone to get off oxy,s. We made him an offer recently that he can stay at our home for 6mo. but he has to go to at least two meetings a week and get professional help by going back to a long term treatment and complete it. If he agrees, which he hasn't as yet, he can stay for 6mo then he is on his own. If he chooses not to then he will have to live elsewhere. Am I wrong? How long are we supposed to deal with this. We are seniors and want to get our life back. Please don't think I am feeling sorry for myself, I'm not, I just want my son back . It is nice to be able to talk to someone that has or is going through similar circumstances

Last edited by Solitary; 09-18-2011 at 07:13 PM. Reason: This was in response to Reach

 
Old 09-18-2011, 07:10 PM   #5
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Re: Trying to help my addicted son

Thank you so much, I have already had one response as well as yours. It is nice to know people care and want to help

 
Old 09-18-2011, 07:26 PM   #6
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Re: Trying to help my addicted son

Spaz50 sorry I am very new to this and not sure how to reply to a response. I think. I Replied to myself. (lol). Hopefully I will figure it out or I will keep replying to my own message.

 
Old 09-19-2011, 04:07 AM   #7
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Re: Trying to help my addicted son

Quote:
Originally Posted by Solitary View Post
My son is in his 40's and has been addicted to prescription drugs/alcohol for 8yrs that I know of but am sure a lot longer than that. He has been in and out of treatment centers 4times. I feel that the suboxone is a band aide solution and he should go for long term treatment once again if he really wants to become clean and sober once and for all. He did 28 day, 60,-and 2 90 day programs and still goes right back to the addictions. He lost his wife, his kids, his house and his job, I don't know what has to happen to wake him up. Does anyone have any thoughts on this or is any parent going through similar experience?
Hello Solitary and welcome,

I was addicted to drugs on and off for 10 years.....

Having been exposed to both inpatient and outpatient centers,anonymous meetings and the like,I can honestly say(at least for me) that it wasn't enough.

Seeing a therapist was an event in and of itself back then but it wasn't until I faced the "man in the mirror" for who he really was,that my efforts towards recovery began bearing any fruit.

Until he begins to come to grips with the person he is and can conceive the possibility of change,while wanting it above anything else,efforts will be futile.

The concept of a bottom is different for many people for a myriad of reasons.
It's that "wake up moment" that provides such an impact on the psyche,that abstinence no longer remains a concept but is seriously contemplated as a way of life.

It's that point where a person realizes there's a difference between words and actions and the latter speaks volumes.

He's lost his family,house and in many respects,his dignity.....

Until he seeks to restore his dignity(in increments) the pathway of positivity will always be met with uncertain forks in the road.

Respectfully
Phoenix
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Old 09-20-2011, 01:06 AM   #8
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Re: Trying to help my addicted son

Solitary,

I am very sorry for the pain and heartache that you are going through on this journey with your son. It's one no parent should have to take.

Unfortunately the only way your son is going to get the help he needs is for him to decide he wants it. If he's been to that many lengthy rehab programs and comes out using again, its' because as you said he's being pushed there, but it sounds like he has no desire to quit. As you said he doesn't even accept the alcohol as a problem.

This is going to sound very harsh and will be hard to do..but...you need to stop enabling him. Let him know that if he drinks and does drugs he is not welcome at your home. He has too many people covering his tracks right now, willing to do whatever it takes, and he's using all of you. He does have to hit rock bottom before he can look up from the pit and ask for help. Each person's rock bottom is different. I know how hard it is to kick your child out of your home, I've had to do it myself. But as long as he knows he has mom to take care of him and give him a place to live, why should he change? As you probably know with most addicts/alcoholics at the time of their active usage they don't set very high standards or goals for themselves. So just having a place to stay and you to help him out is probably all he wants.

The hard part is getting tough and staying that way, because if you don't he will never have a reason to change. Enabling him in any way is only crippling him. He has to get to the point where he realizes his life is so bad that the drugs and drinking have to stop....

I hope that things work out for you and your family,

kat

 
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Old 09-20-2011, 11:43 AM   #9
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Re: Trying to help my addicted son

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Solitary,

I am very sorry for the pain and heartache that you are going through on this journey with your son. It's one no parent should have to take.

Unfortunately the only way your son is going to get the help he needs is for him to decide he wants it. If he's been to that many lengthy rehab programs and comes out using again, its' because as you said he's being pushed there, but it sounds like he has no desire to quit. As you said he doesn't even accept the alcohol as a problem.

This is going to sound very harsh and will be hard to do..but...you need to stop enabling him. Let him know that if he drinks and does drugs he is not welcome at your home. He has too many people covering his tracks right now, willing to do whatever it takes, and he's using all of you. He does have to hit rock bottom before he can look up from the pit and ask for help. Each person's rock bottom is different. I know how hard it is to kick your child out of your home, I've had to do it myself. But as long as he knows he has mom to take care of him and give him a place to live, why should he change? As you probably know with most addicts/alcoholics at the time of their active usage they don't set very high standards or goals for themselves. So just having a place to stay and you to help him out is probably all he wants.

The hard part is getting tough and staying that way, because if you don't he will never have a reason to change. Enabling him in any way is only crippling him. He has to get to the point where he realizes his life is so bad that the drugs and drinking have to stop....

I hope that things work out for you and your family,

kat

 
Old 09-20-2011, 11:57 AM   #10
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Re: Trying to help my addicted son

Hi Kat....thank you. Your words hit home. I realize I am the piece of the puzzle that is preventing him from becoming clean and sober. I am struggling with making changes. When you really think about the situation.....he cannot overcome his addiction to drugs and alcohol and I cannot overcome my addiction to him (trying to let go and get off the merry go round). I am working on it though.
Have a wonderful day
Solitary

 
Old 09-20-2011, 12:10 PM   #11
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Re: Trying to help my addicted son

Hello phoenix......although he has lost everything one would never know it. He rarely let's his emotions show. I know he needs professional help in a long term program.....he on the other hand feels he can do it on his own with suboxone. It hasn't worked for him in the past so we shall see. I don,t have the right to tell him what to do but I do have the right to tell him how we feel when he is living in our home. Congrats to you for your recovery. I pray someday soon my son will see the light.
Solitary

 
Old 09-20-2011, 02:51 PM   #12
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Re: Trying to help my addicted son

Hi Solitary

" We made him an offer recently that he can stay at our home for 6mo. but he has to go to at least two meetings a week and get professional help by going back to a long term treatment and complete it. If he agrees, which he hasn't as yet, he can stay for 6mo then he is on his own. If he chooses not to then he will have to live elsewhere."

I think that is a good plan for dealing with the issue. I really do. It is fair to him and allows you to set needed boundaries. Be strict about the boundaries and be prepared to follow through if needed. The hardest part of loving our children is the discipline to stand strong and unwavering in our convictions.

Do what you have to and understand that doing so is truly loving your son. You are a good mom, this is not your fault, but you can help by not providing his haven if he breaks the rules.

Praying for strength and peace for you
reach

 
Old 09-20-2011, 06:16 PM   #13
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Re: Trying to help my addicted son

Quote:
Originally Posted by Solitary View Post
.he on the other hand feels he can do it on his own with suboxone. It hasn't worked for him in the past so we shall see. I don,t have the right to tell him what to do but I do have the right to tell him how we feel when he is living in our home. Congrats to you for your recovery. I pray someday soon my son will see the light.
Solitary
Solitary,

Both you and I know how his master plan may play out.

You have the right to let him know that you love him and are concerned to the point that it affects your very being........after all,he is your son and must adhere to house rules,as they trump all others.

Thanks for your kind words concerning my recovery.I am extremely fortunate and yet humbled by my experiences.

I also pray that your son will see,at the very least,a glimmer of light......

If he is able to see just a speck,then there's hope.

Hopeful blessings,
Phoenix
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Last edited by Phoenix; 09-20-2011 at 06:18 PM.

 
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