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Old 10-15-2011, 03:03 PM   #1
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Husband is sober, finally but...

I left my husband of 14 years 7 months ago. His alcoholism had gotten too far out of hand and he grabbed me by the hair and threw me out of our house (in front of our daughter). He's not been physically violent with me in the past, but I knew it was time to leave. He has not kept a job, hasn't had a drivers license in 13 years and basically left most responsibility to me while he drank. I am the stereotypical enabler. He's sober now, and on medication for ADD that is really helping him. He wants me to come back home and work it out and I am struggling because I dont know know to say no to him. I know it is not time to return, if ever. I have certain things I want in a relationship and he's not there yet. He says we shoudl work it out as a family, but I need to see consistent change before I do...how do I tell him this since I'm weak??

 
Old 10-15-2011, 03:23 PM   #2
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Re: Husband is sober, finally but...

I think that what you have written as explanation here is perfect. Send him an email if you cannot tell him face to face. It seems so clear to me that you know exactly what you want to do...you want to NOT reconcile. That is certainly a fine decision, if you ask me.
I wish you the very best.

Sue

 
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Old 10-15-2011, 04:05 PM   #3
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Re: Husband is sober, finally but...

Do yourself a favor and go to Alanon meetings & if your daughter is old enough bring her to Alateen. Alcoholism is a family disease & you ALL have been affected by his drinking. If your spouse is on ADD medication, he still has mood altering chemicals in his system that could quite possibly lead him back to drinking. I would hope he is seeking the advice of an addictionologist, not just a psychiatrist, who normally don't have a clue about addiction. Best of luck to you. You can search on-line for alanon meetings in your area.

 
Old 10-16-2011, 12:45 PM   #4
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Re: Husband is sober, finally but...

First off your not weak....you left, right? I know your pain, I've been where you are, 'cept I waited till 26 years had gone by and my pdoc kept getting ticked when I'd show up with a Black Eye or a Split Lip...but hey, he was gonna get better right?

Don't go back, now or if ever, if your not ready. You don't owe your drunk hubby any explanations, a simple No, is all he needs to hear. Any alcoholic can stop drinking for a few weeks or months....that means squat!

Sorry I know this is on the harsh side, but there's no excuse for someone beating on a woman, a man, a child...anyone that's trying to help them. Yes we have the distinction of being enablers...why? so we can keep our marriages from crumbling and doing whats best for our children? Sometimes it takes a while to figure out whats best for the kids, isn't and it sure as hell isn't whats best for us.

Stay strong, get some support, it will help, big time... Al-anon meetings are great, therapy helps....

take care,

kat

 
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