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Old 05-13-2012, 04:42 PM   #1
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lost my wife to adderall

I recently had to ask my wife to leave our apartment. My wife has been on 40mg of adderall for the past 5 years. About a year ago i started to notice some changes in my wifes behavior. She began to become angry and irritable extremely fast, also she started to sleep 10-16 hours a day for days at a time. there were also restless sleeping, shaking and excessive movement in her sleep. Her behavior declined so fast to the point where she would get so upset that she would start to scrath at her wrists and neck as if she was going to really harm herslef. my children and i had started to see this behavior more and more, i was getting worried, but couldnt figure out what it was. My wife and i have been married for almost 18 years and we have 3 children, one of them is not living at home due to drug abuse issues himself. I tried to talk to her about her anger issues but she told me it was just her peroid hitting her really hard and her hormones were in an uproar. I bought her excuse as it sounded logical and possible. Two months ago i had been asked by my wife to pick up her prescription for her and take it to the pharmacy tobe filled. I did just that. That night i had been watching tv and a M.A.S.H episode was on where one of the doctors had taken meth amphetamine pills to help stay awake and able to work long hours without sleep. When i saw what the side effects were from that doctor overdosing on the pills and watching his behavior, i got scared. The exact behavior is what my wife had been exhibiting. The next day i opened my wifes pill bottle and counted the pills. There were 27 out of 30 left after one day! I was very scared and didnt know how to aproach her without making her angry for asking. So i decided to ask her if she was having any problems with her adderall because i noticed her pill bottle was missing a lot more than they should have. She got very defensive and said she did not have a problem and that she had been taking them the past 5 years and knew what she was doing and would never abuse them as they are a narcotic. I didnt beleive her. I continued to count her pills until the bottle was empty 12 days later. Now that she is not living at home, which is tearing me apart, i am not able to monitor her pill usage so i cannot tell if she is still abusing them. I so desperatly want my wife back but i dont know how to do it. Since my wife has been gone i have lost 26 pounds and cannot seem to hold much food down, i cannot sleep for very long and im losing hope in life in general. The only thing keeping me somewhat sane is my children my parents and my job, any of them that i lose will put me over the edge and im afraid of what i would do if i were faced with their loss. I dont know what to do my wife is playing dumb and acting as though she doesnt know what had caused her to act the way she did. She has yet to come clean with her addiction, the only thing i have gotten from her is that she may have doubled her dose here and there, but thats all. I am so confused, i dont know if i should call her doctor to let her know whats been going on. I know my wife would hate me if i did that because they may stop giving her the drug all together and i would be the one to blame. I am 40yrs old and i dont think i could start my life over with annother woman. I dont know what to do or where to turn all i know is i cant live like this too much longer as it is mentally and physically killing me. If anyone has any suggestions i would be open to just about anything.

 
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Old 05-13-2012, 05:48 PM   #2
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Re: lost my wife to adderall

If your wife is abusing Adderral, she's the one with the real problem here. I'm sure you miss her, but when you kicked her out, as opposed to getting her help....what did you think was going to happen? If she's been taking Adderral for 5 years at the least she's Dependent on it, if she finished a 30 day script in 12 days, yes odds are she's abusing it. Drug addicts do not admit they have an addiction until they are ready to admit it, being confronted with the issue is normally met with anger and hostility.

Not sure what your wife is using the med for, it's not a Narcotic, it's a Central Nervous System Stimulant that was originally meant for ADHD, but is used off-label for many psych conditions and some chronic pain conditions. Contacting your wife's Dr. and letting him/her know what's going on probably wouldn't be the worst idea. They can't discuss your wife's case with you but you can give them her symptoms and tell them how many pills she took in 12 days. They can address/treat the issue with her and taper her or change her meds as needed. If she is taking the med as part of a Pain Management program and is on a pain contract, report of abuse is likely to get her dismissed from her dr.'s practice and cut off from the medication.

kat

 
Old 05-13-2012, 06:24 PM   #3
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Re: lost my wife to adderall

I had asked her to get help, she replied "i would if i had a problem". My head is swimming with every conversation we have had lately, i have told my wife i would help her through anything and she would not be alone many times before i asked her to leave. She told me the other day that she thinks what i did was right and she doesnt understand where all her anger and agression came from, we had just started to talk about us instead of the kids and i didnt want to ruin by bringing up what i thought was the whole cause.

 
Old 05-13-2012, 08:08 PM   #4
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Re: lost my wife to adderall

you probably did the absolute right thing. Talk about it as she's willing to. The anger and aggression are coming from the med, well the misuse of the med. Stimulant that work on your brain and central nervous system that way are not made to be taken for a while then not take for a while, which is what's happening because she's taking all of her pills in the first 12 or so days of her script. Maybe some how you can kindly work into the conversation that you did some computer research and found this out. Just keep your words nonabrasive, don't sound like your arguing, just explaining. What she's doing by takign her full month's dose in such a short time is very dangerous, she can easily overdose with this med, you need to be aware of that. At this point she needs to taper down and get off the Adderall and on to a different med for whatever condition she has. Adderall tapering is a slow process because it is a dangerous drug and it takes a slow taper to detox off of, plus your wife is on a pretty hefty dosage at this time. The other problem still exists that she's not yet admitting she's ready to get help.

Do you think there's any way you could get her to enter a addiction center to get help?

kat

 
Old 05-15-2012, 02:43 PM   #5
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Re: lost my wife to adderall

There is no way she would enter into a treatment facility of any kind. The meere mention of it would enrage her. I have done a lot of research and read a lot of the posts on withdrawel symptoms, and so far have been able to see now that she has had all of them, wrestless sleeping, grinding teeth in her sleep, completely ignoring all phone calls from everyone, sleeping 10-16 hours a day and still being tired, massive headaches and losing it over the smallest things. Not to mention the anger from feeling so helpless and hopeless. I wish i had known how badly she felt. I had no idea the withdrawel effects were that bad. I cant immagine how horrible it must have felt for me to ask her to leave. I feel as though i didnt do enough to try to help her, now i just feel sorry for her to have to go through this all alone. I would give anything to take this from her and bear it myself.

 
Old 05-15-2012, 02:57 PM   #6
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Re: lost my wife to adderall

Okay, stop there...you love her, you miss her, and your fixing to make a major mistake.

She did this to herself, she's not sick, suffering from some terrible disease, she's abusing meds she was prescribed to help a condition. You didn't stick the pills down her throat. You didn't make her feel this bad.

When you crossover into the "I'm such a bad person, how could I put her though this, she must be feeling terrible" territory, you tend to start making bad decisions like, letting her continue her destructive behavior because it will make her pain go away.

I'm sure at the time you were concerned for your children, you made a mistake, she made a bigger one. Addicts are very very good at getting their loved ones to feel sorry for them and forgetting the bigger issue....the drug addiction.

Your wife has a major problem, the problem can kill her. You were right to be concerned for your children's welfare. Adderall addiction can cause extreme aggressiveness. If she was at the point where she was exhibiting harming behavior towards herself, you can get her help. Adderall is considered by the medical community to be a psychiatric drug, any person suspected of abuse of a psychiatric drug which can cause self harm or suicidal tendencies can be committed to a healthcare facility on a 72 hour hold by a spouse.

She won't like it, and yes she may hate you for a while...it's up to you whether you want a wife who dislikes you or a live wife.

Kat

 
Old 05-15-2012, 03:32 PM   #7
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Re: lost my wife to adderall

Quote:
Originally Posted by katlin09 View Post
any person suspected of abuse of a psychiatric drug which can cause self harm or suicidal tendencies can be committed to a healthcare facility on a 72 hour hold by a spouse.

She won't like it, and yes she may hate you for a while...it's up to you whether you want a wife who dislikes you or a live wife.

Kat
Hello all,

I whole-heartedly agree with Kat on this.

For better or worse;the opportune word worse.

You did what you felt the situation needed but you're left with very few options here.
She obviously needs help and if she's not going to help herself,maybe forcing her hand is in order.....

For the entire families sake.

Respectfully
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Old 05-16-2012, 03:25 PM   #8
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Re: lost my wife to adderall

Quote:
Originally Posted by losttheoneilove View Post
There is no way she would enter into a treatment facility of any kind. The meere mention of it would enrage her. I have done a lot of research and read a lot of the posts on withdrawel symptoms, and so far have been able to see now that she has had all of them, wrestless sleeping, grinding teeth in her sleep, completely ignoring all phone calls from everyone, sleeping 10-16 hours a day and still being tired, massive headaches and losing it over the smallest things. Not to mention the anger from feeling so helpless and hopeless. I wish i had known how badly she felt. I had no idea the withdrawel effects were that bad. I cant immagine how horrible it must have felt for me to ask her to leave. I feel as though i didnt do enough to try to help her, now i just feel sorry for her to have to go through this all alone. I would give anything to take this from her and bear it myself.
I am very sorry you are going through all this. Unfortunately I know what it is like to suffer from an addiction, I was addicted to Adderall for a couple of years. Let me specify that by saying I was prescribed Adderall back in 2001, and for several years I took the pills exactly as prescribed. Then one day for whatever reason I didn't feel like it was working the same, and I wasn't getting that happy little buzz in the morning after taking it, so I took another. I think addiction happens over months and years with many cases, probably the same with your wife. I was taking up to 5 30mg pills a day at my highest. I was extremely moody, angry, couldnt sit still, trouble sleeping, all the things you would expect from taking too much amphetamine. The problem is that sadly you can't will your wife in to admitting she is an addict and getting her to stop. She has to first admit it to herself and then seek help.

My wife took the kids and left one day after discovering I wasn't living up to my promises, and for me that was enough to admit I had a problem and seek help. I truly hope things get better for you and your family, but one of the most important things is not to enable her. Look at al anon meetings in your area and find out what things you can do. It is important to let her know the consequences of her actions. Also just to tell you the withdrawal from adderall is not that bad. Honestly, it is one of the easiest things to withdraw from physically. Yes she will be tired and lack energy, but the symptoms you are describing may be the result of something else. I went from 180mg of adderall to 0 in a couple of days, and when I did I slept like a rock.

Just remember this isn't your fault, and you have nothing to apologize for. I wish you the best, and I hope your wife gets help.

 
Old 05-17-2012, 08:16 AM   #9
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Re: lost my wife to adderall

You were very strong for the situation you were put in.

 
Old 05-17-2012, 09:26 AM   #10
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Re: lost my wife to adderall

I totally agree with Kat and Strong Computer Guy, you have great intentions but dealing with an addict that makes you an enabler. I also highly recommend that you try and go to some Alanon meetings or read up on enabling or get a therapist for yourself. Even if your wife DID go into treatment, if you did NOT do the work right along with her, you would probably enable her right back into using. NOT intentionally of course but that is the nature of what addiction does to families.

There are SO many opportunities for you to find the help that works for you, but please find one and do it. You have to be OK whether she gets help or not. Like the show Intervention, that guy always says the most important thing is YOUR health!

 
Old 05-17-2012, 09:48 AM   #11
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Re: lost my wife to adderall

My sincere sympathy for your situation. I think just about everything Kat said has been excellent advice. Firstly, never blame yourself for the consequences resulting from the situation your wife has come to; I know it is easy for family to think things like "it must hurt him/her that I had to confront/express worry/ask to leave" etc, and it may seem like it was a choice made by the family member(s). But you always have to remember: If the individual abusing the medication/substance wasn't abusing, you wouldn't have had to take the steps you did, thus it lies on the person who initiated the abusive behavior.

Adderall (a fixed combination of several amphetamine salts) is indeed a psychiatric medication with central nervous system (CNS) stimulant properties, and while not technically a "narcotic" ("narcotic" comes from "narcosis" meaning "stupor" and generally refers to drugs which depress the CNS, notably opioids, but is often used incorrectly in mass media to indicate any drug of abuse) per se as Kat said, it carries a very high abuse liability and is very tightly controlled. One very important side effect to consider when dealing with someone abusing amphetamines like Adderall is that they cause extreme emotional states, and extreme overreaction is likely as you have probably experienced.

I would advise a lot of thought be put in to initiating action for an involuntary 72 hour psychiatric hold, as the effect of that action on someone emotionally unstable due to stimulant use may cause them to make major life altering decisions (ie it may cost you your marriage). 72 hour holds in most jurisdictions require either the person be a threat to themselves or others - in other words either homicidal or suicidal. Kat is correct in that Adderall can cause suicidal ideation, self harm, and violent action, and depending on specifics might qualify for an involuntary hold. The problem is that a hold is meant for acute harmful behavior (ie to stop an imminent or attempted act), and doesn't address the chronic nature of the substance abuse. She would probably be referred to abuse treatment and psychiatric outpatient support, but most likely she would literally sleep through the entire hold due to the crash of withdrawing from amphetamine. On the other side of the coin, anyone who has a loved one abusing substances can and should do anything they can to help, the trick is to figure out what will help and what might make things worse as these situations are so delicate due to the emotional nature of the abusing party. It might be worth getting the meds out of her system using a hold so you can talk to her rationally, but the risk to your relationship could be tremendous, so consider it thoroughly.

Consider seeking advice on the best course of action from a professional, either a licensed counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist with experience in addiction and drug abuse. The goal would be for the mental health professional to treat you with the difficulties put on you by the situation, but if they have experience in addiction and substance abuse they might be better able to offer knowledgeable insight on how to proceed.

Best of luck and wishes...

 
Old 05-17-2012, 09:01 PM   #12
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Re: lost my wife to adderall

I really apreciate all of your suggestions and input, as well as your knowledge of the drug and its withdrawel affects. unfortunatly a 72 hour hold would do nothing but cause legal and mental abuse on me. Also resulting in the continued neglect of my children from my wife ( she only sees them from 2-5 mon-friday and nothing on the weekends) as she states she needs time to figure out what she wants to do about the marriage and doesnt understand where the anger came from. I know this is a lie but i am in such a bad place right now i am allowing myself to be hurt repeatedly with only one thought, that things will be ok after she gets herself through the withdrawel stage. Again, i know im lying to myself, but i cant help it, im afraid of change and im so afraid of being alone. I really wish i could be stronger. In the span of 4 weeks, i have lost my wife,and had to put my dog down after 14 yrs. I have no real friends, not that im a bad person and dont deserve them just that i havent really let anyone get that close to me. I know that i asked for suggestions when i first posted, maybe i wasnt ready for the answers i would get, or maybe i was hoping for someone to validate my own resoning of the situation. I think your right that i may need to get some help also, but i probably wont as i have no time to see anyone with having to take care of my kids and go to work full time. i will do my best to survive.

 
Old 05-24-2012, 06:55 AM   #13
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Arrow Re: lost my wife to adderall

Hi Lost,

First, so very sorry for all you are going through. I don't post often, but have been "around" these boards for 15 yrs.

I wanted to send you a post of encouragement, as I at one time, long ago, had a vicious addiction to a Rx. I would do and say anything to get it. It was not "the love of my life", but at that time, my wife did not know what or how to handle. I knew I could continue, w/o any repercussions. We have been married for 22 yrs, and I love her more than anything. Back then, had she said stop or I'm gone ---- I am sure I would have tested her, but had I seen her resolve, I would have done whatever she asked.

Please understand, this was all based on a total "warped" mental status, so my thought process was non existent. I had enough reality, mixed with the addictive thoughts to continue the insanity, that I and only I was responsible for.

My thoughts and suggestion, would be to demand whatever it takes, and spell out the consequences. You must be willing to follow through or this will mean nothing to her. It will probably be painful, and tested, but you will get action. Hopefully, with time, and treatment - she will come around.

Please let me know if I can help, or if you ever just want to chat. I understand not having many friends to lean on. Your genuine love for your wife touched me, and the pain this is causing you and your family. I will keep you all in my prayers.

God Bless,

Jack

 
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