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Old 09-07-2012, 10:18 PM   #1
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Living with an alcoholic

My partner is an alcoholic. We're both professional people; we don't live together (partly due to his alcoholism) but we only live two minutes' walk apart.
It's now 5am, and I have work in four hours. However, he turned up here (I was asleep) at 1am (and scared my daughter to death by rattling the door handle as she was sitting watching TV). He'd been out with friends, and was very drunk (all normal so far). He came to bed and fell asleep.
I woke up an hour ago to find he'd wet the bed (again). I was annoyed as I have work in the morning etc., whereas he'll lie in 'til noon, then go to the pub with his Dad, then come home mid afternoon and fall asleep again.
I didn't have a go at him, I just went and showered (as I'd been lying in his wee - nice. This isn't the first time this has happened). When I came back, he'd gone. I've had a remorseful text message, and I've changed the bed, put the wet bedding on to wash etc. (I don't want my teenage girls to know what happened; they adore him too), and had a cup of tea (as you do).
I don't know how to deal with this. I should have sent him home straight away. I know he's guilty and ashamed and that's awful. I also know that
shouting at him etc. is pointless as it won't help him move towards any sort of change; he'll just disappear within himself. He's an incredibly intelligent, funny, wonderful man - but he's an alcoholic.
Do I just send him away if he does this again? Is it as simple as that?

 
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Phoenix (09-08-2012)
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Old 09-07-2012, 11:33 PM   #2
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Re: Living with an alcoholic

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sophietheowl View Post
My partner is an alcoholic. We're both professional people; we don't live together (partly due to his alcoholism) but we only live two minutes' walk apart.
It's now 5am, and I have work in four hours. However, he turned up here (I was asleep) at 1am (and scared my daughter to death by rattling the door handle as she was sitting watching TV). He'd been out with friends, and was very drunk (all normal so far). He came to bed and fell asleep.
I woke up an hour ago to find he'd wet the bed (again). I was annoyed as I have work in the morning etc., whereas he'll lie in 'til noon, then go to the pub with his Dad, then come home mid afternoon and fall asleep again.
I didn't have a go at him, I just went and showered (as I'd been lying in his wee - nice. This isn't the first time this has happened). When I came back, he'd gone. I've had a remorseful text message, and I've changed the bed, put the wet bedding on to wash etc. (I don't want my teenage girls to know what happened; they adore him too), and had a cup of tea (as you do).
I don't know how to deal with this. I should have sent him home straight away. I know he's guilty and ashamed and that's awful. I also know that
shouting at him etc. is pointless as it won't help him move towards any sort of change; he'll just disappear within himself. He's an incredibly intelligent, funny, wonderful man - but he's an alcoholic.
Do I just send him away if he does this again? Is it as simple as that?
Does he want to get help? If not, change is impossible and I would move on with my life. If he has had enough and wants to quit drinking then I would support and help him in any way I could as long as I knew he was sincerely trying to stop and get help. Sometimes giving people ultimatums is a slap in the face that they need to change their lives.

_fellow alcoholic and been sober 1 year =) it can be done.

 
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Phoenix (09-08-2012)
Old 09-08-2012, 10:09 AM   #3
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Re: Living with an alcoholic

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sophietheowl View Post
My partner is an alcoholic. He's an incredibly intelligent, funny, wonderful man - but he's an alcoholic.
Do I just send him away if he does this again? Is it as simple as that?
Sophietheowl

Maybe i'm missing something here but you don't state whether or not you love him.
In your "heart of hearts" is he worth(to you) the time and patience it will take to provide the most support you can as an individual?
Is he willing to change his lifestyle and work towards becoming sober?
If he does make an effort,make sure he's doing it for the right reasons.It's all well and good if he wants to stop because of his feelings for both you and your children(if the scenario applies) but his first priority needs to be himself.Staying sober because he wants a better quality of living for himself,which inadvertently will affect others.
The last thing you need is for him to possibly resent you for his own misgivings;it can happen.
Have a serious discussion with him and take it from there.
What he is willing to do,or not,at this point will speak volumes to your present relationship with him.

Respectfully
Phoenix
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