I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years and he is the most wonderful person i know. We have a loving trusting relationship but over the last year his drinking has gotten out of control. He is never an angry or sad drunk but he has to drink every day of the week. He is 31, has a job, and is in grad school so he often uses this as his argument to say he doesn't have a problem. The problem is he drinks every day, he drinks to the point to where he will finish a 12 pack by himself and not seem drunk, then he'll drive around or often times want to go somewhere to either drink more or get more to drink. On numerous occasions I have found open containers of tequila in his car. I don't feel safe letting him drive me places and it bothers me when we go to a gathering together and he says he'll be the designated driver than have 6 beers and 5 shots and think he's ok to drive. He can never wake up before noon and will often have a beer when he wakes up to get rid of his head ache! I'm not even sure who is without alcohol anymore.
I try to come up with activities for us to do to get in shape and take care of ourselves but he some how always finds a way to incorporate alcohol. Whether it's hiking or going to the beach he has to sit in the car and pound beers and smoke cigarettes before he does them.
He says if we get married and start a family he wouldn't drink so much but I don't want to commit to those things to find out if he's telling the truth. I want these things with him because he is amazing but I don't want him to teach my children these habits or thinking he can drive them around after drinking all day because he thinks he isn't drunk. I come from a family of alcoholics and they were all happy fun people too but all died before seeing 50. How can I make him see he does have a problem without attacking him? I feel like when i bring up his drinking he thinks I'm attacking him and gets sad because he says I make him feel like I'm miserable with him when I'm not. I just want him to be able to function without alcohol before he ruins his life or some one else's life with this reckless behavior and drunk driving. is there a way to limit his drinking?
The following user gives a hug of support to whydelila: Phoenix (09-26-2012)
I did not want you post to go unanswered.
I too went through this, and I feel your pain. Both my parents were alcoholics. Father was a happy drunk, and my mother was a mean drunk. It got ugly, until they both got help. I did not inherit the alcohol love, however my vice is pills. which I am working on.
I also went through this with my wife. A very talented, gifted person, with an incredible spirit and drive. However her crutch is booze. I put up with it early on as we were both young and having fun with friends, vacations, etc. Then after we got married, it got worse.
I had to make a decision. I had to make her choose, me or the booze. Because I was not going to put up with it any longer. I was not going to sit by and watch a person destroy themselves. However, I did say that I would be there 100% with meetings, support. anything. But she had to be on board with it as well. Otherwise, I had enough.
well she chose to get help, and is clean and sober. There were trips along the way, off the wagon so to speak, but we got through it, and we learned about each other, the illness, and how to make it one day at a time so to speak to live a happy and healthy life. I know each case is different. But if you do not want to go this route have you ever heard of AL-ANON? Check them out. Like AA, but help those who have loved ones with a problem. Don't try to fight it alone. Peace!
The Following User Says Thank You to Crazy Diamond For This Useful Post: Wendy88 (09-27-2012)
Hi, I was young and married and drinking all the time like your bf. My wife put up with it for a couple yrs. and threatened to leave many times and eventually did. Through the yrs. I,ve had several DUI,s, got heavy into drugs. On and off the wagon. I,m clean now. Until your bf admits he has a problem and seeks help your in for a roller coaster ride thats not gonna be fun. My wife did the right thing. At the very least you should check out Alanon. Don,t ride with him and if he,s designated driver warn people that he may be drinking. They may not be aware of it if there drunk. Also if he,s driving your car in some states you may get charged.
The following user gives a hug of support to bolter: Phoenix (10-03-2012)