Have not written for a while but thought I would update... My boyfriend(ex) went to rehab and completed his 30 days. We didn't see each other much while he was in there so that he could stay focused on recovery. We wrote each other a few letters and such and he explained how he was so happy he was doing this for us and that he cannot wait to start a new clean life with me.
Well he got out in November and we had already gotten a house. So we moved about a week after he came home about 15 minutes out of town. Everything seemed very weird. He was extremely distant and we were not connecting at all. Then we started fighting everyday or we just wouldn't talk to each other. Very sad.
Then he said I just need to get away for the weekend to clear my head. I couldn't stop him, and honestly I needed the space from him as well. While he was gone he hardly messaged me at all. It hurt so bad. He felt like a completely different person.
When he came home, things were worse. I ended up sleeping in the spare bedroom. Then I moved back home to my parents. I thought maybe he was just overwhelmed with his recovery. I had only lived in our new home for about a week and a half.
Then he invited me over for a movie. So I went there. We had a great night and had fun but he was drinking. There was quite a bit of booze bottles around the house. I told him not to substitute his last addiction with a new one. He then said he was going to go get us a coffee. So i packed a few more clothes to bring with me back home while I waited for him to return, and then i saw his wallet laying on the ground. So of course I went through it.
I found a receipt from a superstore out of town for chips and condoms. It killed me. I left as he was coming in and he said over and over again that he bought them for us. That he thought we should be safer blah blah blah. I still left, broken.
We were still talking from separate houses and then I went back to get some stuff and he said he had to work. So i was packing somethings and went to go into the master bedroom but the door was locked. So i picked the lock.
When i got in there I found tons of love letters from a girl who was in rehab with him. I broke, my world shattered in front of my eyes. I could not believe he could do this.
We have now been broken up for 2 months, and she is now living with him in our new home. I know I am so better off without him. Still hurts. But I am getting better. And I found at from a friend of his that he has definitley used since we broke up. It makes me sad cuz I don't want him to die or ruin his life. But it is out of my hands now.
I just want to stop caring about him. I don't want him back but part of me feels like I still need to worry about him and i hate it