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-   -   Boyfriend, Alcoholic? (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/family-friends-addicts-alcoholics/939972-boyfriend-alcoholic.html)

anongf902 02-20-2013 01:11 PM

Boyfriend, Alcoholic?
 
Hi,

I am new to this board, and looking for support. I have been with my boyfriend for 13 months, living together for 6 months. Up until 2 months ago, our relationship has been everything I have ever wanted from a partner. Of course we have our small arguments, but what relationship doesnt.

Back in December, I started to become very concerned about his drinking. He drinks every night, usually 6 to 10 beers. His dad is an alcoholic and his brother has an adiction problem, so this also was a concern to me. As soon as I asked if he might have a problem, our relationship did a 180. He doesn't want to spend time with me, lies to me, and is very withdrawn. He was fired from his job as well. I have tried everything to work and fix our problems. He says all of our problems are my fault and takes no responsibility for his actions. I left for 5 days, telling him that if things did not change, I would move out. I went back to our home and 2 weeks later (yesterday), I have officially moved all of my things out of our home.

I am devastated. I have made it clear that I love him, and will stay with him if he would like to get healthy.

I guess I'm just looking for support. Sometimes I feel like I made the wrong decision to move out -- even though I gave him so many warnings. I feel like for my health, I had to leave. He is not abusive, but I could not take the stress of not knowing when he was coming home every night, him ignoring me, or finding his car parked sideways in our driveway in the morning, after a night out at the bar. Sometimes I feel like I over reacted to his drinking -- but this amont of drinking is not normal, correct?

Thank you to anyone who reads and responds to this message.

Phoenix 02-24-2013 12:46 AM

Re: Boyfriend, Alcoholic?
 
Hello anongf902 and welcome. :wave:

It's rather difficult to see a loved one deteriorating right before your very eyes.

I can feel the love in your post;"his" problems became "ours."

Please realize that no amount of emotional investment is going to make him change his ways,unless he wants to.

In my opinion,you did the right thing;moving out.
If this doesn't make him come to his senses or see the error of his ways,hopefully something does and soon.........before it's too late.

Respectfully
Phoenix

anongf902 02-24-2013 05:35 AM

Re: Boyfriend, Alcoholic?
 
Thank you for your response. Unfortunately, I do not think me leaving is his wake-up call. I continue to receive texts saying everything is my fault and he thinks it was so easy for me to move out. His main concern seems to be that I took my microwave and I didn't leave him any laundry detergent.

I also tried to reach out to his family for support, with no such luck.

At this point, I guess I try to take care of myself. I feel like I have given 120% to try to help him, but I can't help someone who doesn't even think they have a problem.

I find myself very depressed and angry. I have never left someone who I loved. The best way I can describe the pain -- it's like someone died or is dying in front of me. I am honestly thinking about seeking counseling for myself, to help me deal with all of this. Would anyone suggest this?

I pray for anyone who is going through or who has gone through my situation.

Phoenix 02-24-2013 06:34 AM

Re: Boyfriend, Alcoholic?
 
anongf902,

At this point,you've done all for him that you can,without bringing yourself down with him.

H.A.D.- Hurt,Angry and Depressed......it's quite normal in these situations.

Counseling sounds like the way to go,for it's now time for you to take care of self.

Know that we're here for you.

Respectfully
Phoenix


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