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Old 03-04-2002, 07:09 AM   #1
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CyndiG HB User
Lightbulb living with a crackhead

I have a question that I hope someone can help me with. My boyfriend of 8+ years has been on crack for over 5+ years. Our sex live is pretty good, occassionally when he drinks or gets high he has no sexual desires at all. My question is when he goes on his crack binges (staying out all night) at a crack house, is it true that what goes on there is getting high, crackhead females giving oral sex for a get high. Should I worry about him doing more than getting high, because already his getting high is a very, very, major problem with us.

What I really would like to know, should I even bother staying with him, we have a daughter together or should I just go on with my life. He has been arrested numerous time (always high) when he's arrested. We are not married and sometimes I feel like I should just RUN, AND DON'T LOOK BACK!!!!!

[This message has been edited by CyndiG (edited 03-04-2002).]

[This message has been edited by CyndiG (edited 03-04-2002).]

 
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Old 03-04-2002, 05:10 PM   #2
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I asked nearly the exact same question about a year ago on this board.
My husband of 22 years is a crackhead. Took his first hit on a pipe at age 53...instantly hooked....It's been 3 years of pain and anguish....also of growth and understanding...AlAnon has kept me sane and focused on myself...
As far as what goes on at a crackhouse...does it matter really? Would you leave if he was having sex?
If he was selling? stealing? What would it take?
My understanding is that a man cannot climax if he is high on the stuff...just gets aroused and stays there...
Is that bad enough? I ask these questions because I ask them of myself everyday.. How bad does it have to get before I leave? My husband will admit to all the drug use but says there was no sex...The euphoria of the drug was enough...Is he telling the truth? Don't know . Trust is gone....
Take care of yourself and your daughter..go to AlAnon....You will not be able to change or fix him....LOVE is not enough....
.

 
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Old 03-05-2002, 10:20 AM   #3
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I am an addict in recovery so, I can only give you my personal opinion. Crack addicts think of thier drug as gold. I can guarantee that he is not giving it up for sex, or for anything else. You need to make some big decisions. I know that you probably love this man but, you must walk away. You are what we call an enabler. You enable the addict to stay in thier addiction. Through your love you are helping him to die. Addiction is very cunning, powerful and baffling. We are sick just as if we had cancer but, the difference is we also have the sickness of denial which keeps us there. Please for you, him and your child contact your local Al-anon it is an oorganization to help support the friends ans family of addicts. they will assist you in making some good decisions about you and your situation. You are not alone. I hurt many people in my addiction and I have to live with it every day. I had some people in my life that loved me very much but, because they loved me they took care of me which caused me to be able to live in my addiction. If you love yourself get away. If you love him get away.

 
Old 03-07-2002, 12:33 AM   #4
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Here is my story...I met my husband in a halfway house in 1999. My addiction is hydrocodone and his is crack. I am 35, he is 43. I had about a year of clean time under my belt when we met, he was straight off the streets. In the beginning he would disappear from the halfway house and I would come to his rescue when he ran out of money. I even had to bail him out of jail once. This continued off and on for three months. We eventually left the halfway house and moved in together. We were married in November 1999 and he had three binges in the spring of 2000. Since that time, he has been clean since that time, which is a record of clean time from any drug he has been addicted to. I live one day at a time and must tell you that when he is the least bit late from work or golf it scares the hell out of me. I will probably always feel a little fear because addicts are addicts until the day they die. No one is ever cured from this disease. No one!! This is a hard decision. All of the advise I ever received was that I shouldn't get involved and relationships that are developed in the atmosphere ours was are bad news. I knew all of this, but there was something about him that really made him special to me from day one. I hope we are the exception to this perception. We truly are soulmates and I feel the drug addictions were just a coincidence. I have been clean since 1998 and I will never be free of the hold addiction has on me. It's just a chance we took and so far we have always been there for each other. Myself, I wouldn't change a thing. Follow your heart if that is what feels right. Good Luck!!

 
Old 03-07-2002, 05:04 AM   #5
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CyndiG HB User
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Thanks for all the replies. As of this date by BF is now in a program ordered by the court 4xwkly. So far he has been handling his situation. I have learned to distance myself from this drama. I have read and thought on each of your comments and decided that maybe I should give him a chance but on the other hand I AM FED UP and scared that if I don't go in a few months, maybe less "he's gonna get the callin" and the ****** will start all over again.

 
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