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Old 03-28-2013, 11:47 AM   #1
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Please help...Addicts or recovering please shed some light!!!

Ineed help determining if my fiancé is using heroin or using opioids again!!! My accusations, fears and lack of trust are ruining our relationship and making me go crazy! To give a quick breakdown, I have been with my now fiancé for 5 years. He shot up heroin for most his adult life before we started dating and used for a short time when we got together. (Side note, I did not know about his addiction or problem when we met. I feel in love with him for him, and took on a huge problem. But, how could I walk away when it came to light once I already loved him and he promised to change.) Over the past 5 years, hes stopped, relapsed and so on. When he relapses he says hes so done and wants better life, but I feel hes always relapsing because he never followed through with therapy or meetings. He claims he doesn’t want meetings and just wants to “forget about it”. That’s one isuse Ihave. He was been sober for a while, and the relapsedagain 6months ago or less. This last time he snorted it,claiming once he came clean about it,that it wasn’t as bad as injecting. (Even though he admitted later on its no better.) I’ve seen him on heroin in the past (not knowing at the time, but now knowing that’s what it was) and seen him on pain pills like vicodine or oxy too. They do have different signs, but Iam not naive to either one or what happens. But now hes got me questioning myself or thoughts…I just no that hes not “Normal”. Ive seen him relaxed,and normal pupils and know what normal is. My fear is that he is using again now and I don’t know what to believe….He fights against me saying im accusing him and let go of past, and that he isnt using anymore. Recently. he came home after staying at his families house for acouple of days after an argument we had (about this issue) andto me he was fidgety, seemed to be “drowsy” one minute with “nodding eyes” and then jerk and sit up and be high strung the next minute. He was restless that night in bed, and then eventually just got up for most the night. He eats and eats at times and wont just chill. Now that he has been home, he has literally slept and laid in bed for almost 2 days. I can totally see him lying to me about what he does when he leaves or who he is with. I can imagine him getting pills or buying herion and snorting it when he leaves with a friend or goes to hang over his family’s house. (They have enabled him for years, and turn acheek to it so why not be there and use…he will get away with it.) He doesn’t work so you would think he doesn’t have money for drugs but Ithink he can scrape up money from his friend or family…he also may be hiding money from me that he gets from the state in the mail. Yes, we live together but weve been up and down so much that he gets mail at his familys house still and who knows what he gets. I have confronted him on sleeping last day or so and he is claiming hes just tired and stressed about us arguing or had a headache. When I start asking him if he used,or try to talk about our issues, he gets angry and rude. He compelty is shutting me out.

PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!

 
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Old 03-30-2013, 07:03 PM   #2
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Re: Please help...Addicts or recovering please shed some light!!!

Hello AtMyLimit and welcome.

Your reasons for not trusting him are valid and until he wants to get help in one way,shape or form,I honestly can't blame you for keeping your guards up(even raising them higher,if the case may be).

The relationship is strained and as long as the "h" remains a third wheel in your relationship,no forward progress can realistically be anticipated.

I understand;love the man but detest the addict........

The only thing is that it seems that he has trouble differentiating the two;lying,hiding,using excuses....the list goes on and on.

At this point,he needs to "show up to grow up."

If he doesn't admit to himself that there's a problem that needs attending to and then address it,you will continue to be unhappy and question is loving him really worth the trouble.

Respectfully stated
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Last edited by Phoenix; 04-01-2013 at 11:07 PM.

 
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Old 04-01-2013, 06:23 PM   #3
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Re: Please help...Addicts or recovering please shed some light!!!

Makes sense and thank you!!!!

 
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Old 04-01-2013, 11:08 PM   #4
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Re: Please help...Addicts or recovering please shed some light!!!

You're welcome;anytime.

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Old 04-03-2013, 12:31 PM   #5
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Re: Please help...Addicts or recovering please shed some light!!!

I read your post and you are living with a addict. They will do anything to get the drug of their choice. You have to make a decision to find help for yourself and go to Alanon or a meeting for people who choose to live with an addict. You need to get healthy and strong emotionally without him and he needs to deal with his addiction on his own or go to meetings when he is serious about dealing with this. He will lie, cheat, manipulate and say anything but if there are people in his life enabling his behavior he will never change. He will have to hit rock bottom. Best wishes to you. I hope you have some good support from friends and family to help you make the right choices for your life.

 
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