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Old 03-12-2010, 06:11 PM   #1
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teddybear58 HB User
My mom

My mom has been fighting metastasized breast cancer since 2004. She has had so many ups and down and inspite of odds has bounced back. About 6 weeks ago she got sick, spent a week in the hospital and has been in a nursing home for the past 5 weeks. Just last week my sister and I decided that she would live with her and mom has been so looking forward to this..... Just today, my sister and I just found out the doctor is giving our mom only 6 weeks to live and he is telling us she is in the final stages of cancer. We both have so many questions. How do we tell her? What happens if we tell her and she gives up right away? What if she is really looking forward to like and we tell her what will it do to her? Where do we turn for help? Where do we start? Tonight when we took her back to the home and tucked her into bed and said "Goodbye" she said she couldn't wait until she didn't have to say that anymore - she is really looking forward to living with her daughter... Why can't she have more time for life - she just turned 76 in November..... She never smoked and never drank and she has always loved Jesus and lived right for HIM... I can't stop crying and I feel like there is a knife in my heart. I feel like I want to die right now.... Help!

Last edited by teddybear58; 03-12-2010 at 06:28 PM.

 
Old 03-12-2010, 06:58 PM   #2
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CarolineNC HB User
Re: My mom

Dear TeddyBear58,

My heart goes out to you. This time that your family is in together is so hard. Just follow your heart. It may not be necessary to tell her, or to let her know you know. It is different for everyone. At some point, she may ask you, and then it might feel like the right time to talk about it.

In my own personal experience, I could never say it. But I was there, just being with her as much as I possibly could. I was lucky in that I lived in the same city, it’s not like that for everyone.

Hospice is an amazing service. My family's experience with them was wonderful. They can answer so many questions and bring comfort to your Mom and your family. I highly recommend giving them a call.

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

 
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Old 03-12-2010, 09:12 PM   #3
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ladyabby HB Userladyabby HB User
Re: My mom

Dear Teddybear58,
My heart goes out to you and your family as you face this difficult time. My Mom will be gone 6 years, March 18th, from breast cancer. She was a fighter, she fought for almost 18 years from when she was diagnosed and she was afraid to die. I promised her that she wouldn't die alone. 6 weeks before her death, she started getting things in order, telling me where things were and how she wanted things done. I spent the day before she died taking her for an US to r/o DVT in her arm as she started having a lot of pain and swelling. We went to the lawyer for her to sign her medical power of attorney over to me and then we went to Bertucci's where she raved that dinner was the best she had in years. I took her home, showed how to measure the morphine dose that her doctor had just given her and kissed her goodnight. When I couldn't reach her the next morning , I drove over to her house and found that she had passed away that morning. Her neighbor had spoken to her earlier that morning. I can't tell you how guilty I have felt since she died that I didn't keep that promise that she wouldn't be alone. She knew that her health was changing...there was nothing anyone could have done to prevent it. I relive that last day of her life all the time, wondering if I missed something that could have helped her. Deep down, I wouldn't be surprised if your Mom knows that she's failing. My advice to you would be to spend as much time with her as you can, tell her you love her...those are the things that will confort and help her during this difficult time.

 
Old 03-13-2010, 04:21 AM   #4
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teddybear58 HB User
Re: My mom

Thank you... My sister, our mom and I are all close together and we have always been very close and that makes this so much harder..... How do you spend as much time as you can without her knowing something is wrong and then not telling her? And if she sees it in my eyes or tears she will know and I can't deal with this.,,, It hurts so bad - I never want to lose her.... I will call Hospice because even with all the love and care shown to us right now it still hurts so very much!

 
Old 03-13-2010, 07:00 AM   #5
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ladyabby HB Userladyabby HB User
Re: My mom

It's going to hurt very much with or without Hospice for a very longtime. But as time goes on, the pain will get less. We didn't use Hospice because up until the day my mother died, she was very alert, mobile and able to care for herself. I think about the things that she wanted to be a part of but missed...her granddaughter's wedding, the birth of her two great grandchildren and I think about her last minutes before she passed, that I wasn't with her, and that's what still hurts the most. You know your Mom and what she would want you to do. You will find a way, at the right time, to tell her. Take care.

 
Old 04-06-2010, 03:26 PM   #6
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thonickers HB User
Re: My mom

My mother was 67 yrs old when she died of breast cancer. She was told she had 3months to live and tried an experimental drug that ended her life in 45 days. My mom lived with me (her oldest dgt). Get your mom out of the nursing home if that is an option, let her know what is going on so that she can work through the stages of dying and then enjoy every minute you canwith her. Hospice will also provide you with the help you need. In the end,when my mom was too weak and becoming confused, I used a hospital based hospice because I had young kids. My Dad was also with me, and I did not think I was going to be strong enough for everyone. We were all together when she took her last breath, and I would not have given it up for anything. My mom also left a bracelet with an inscriptin on the inside for each of her grandchildren so they will always have her words of love with them.

Last edited by thonickers; 04-06-2010 at 03:29 PM. Reason: new info

 
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