Re: Feeling so confused
It is the worse thing in the world..to watch one you love fade away. So helpless. So sad. Scary. Just some of the things I felt watching my wife of nearly 25 years lose to gallbladder cancer. Less than 3 months from diagnosis to death.
Chemo is not a cure all. In fact some places you go to read up tels you NOT to do it. My wife was too far gond anyway so that wasn't an issue. Drugged up all the time...While she was on Hospice they all but insisted they keep her sedated to the extent she couldn't function at all. It was for her comfort they would tell me. On one hand I hated that I let them do it so much for I sometimes feel it stole some of her remaining time with me. Then again, she was out of pain which she endured for a long time.
It is hard and heartbreaking but be assured he knows you are there and that will help him more than he'll ever be able to tell you. You will also feel better, later after, that you stuck it out so to speak. You don't want any more guilty feelings than what will already come over you later. He is scared and he might say some awful, nasty things, but you have to remember what he's going through. My wife said some downright terrible stuff to ma at the end and it hurt. Just have to step back and remember what they're going through.
Just hang in there..for both your sakes. Like I said, he knows, even if drugged out, and you'll feel better about it later.