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Old 06-07-2012, 10:34 PM   #1
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: california
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pauligirl760 HB User
Feeling so confused

I must start by saying my heart goes out to those how have lost a family member to any kind of illness. My dad who has been my best friend over the last several years is currently dying of cancer. Im not sure how to feel about this. Of course at times i am overwhelmed with sadness and anger. I often tell ppl the worst thing you experience in life is watching ur parents fall and you are helpless and cant do anything to help them. I dont understand why the chemo didnt work... i dont understand why the doctors insist on keeping him so drugged up all of the time. I dont understand why he finds it necessary to remind me everyday that hes dying. I know hes scared as i would be too but the constant reminder of this every time i talk to him is making me pull away. I am the youngest of 5 children and my brother and sisters really dont have anything to do with him.This is just too much for me tho handle on my own. I dont want my dad to die this way. Its absolutely heartbreaking to watch. and i have no idea what to do anymore...

 
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Old 06-15-2012, 07:54 AM   #2
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 11
fldinosaur HB User
Re: Feeling so confused

It is the worse thing in the world..to watch one you love fade away. So helpless. So sad. Scary. Just some of the things I felt watching my wife of nearly 25 years lose to gallbladder cancer. Less than 3 months from diagnosis to death.

Chemo is not a cure all. In fact some places you go to read up tels you NOT to do it. My wife was too far gond anyway so that wasn't an issue. Drugged up all the time...While she was on Hospice they all but insisted they keep her sedated to the extent she couldn't function at all. It was for her comfort they would tell me. On one hand I hated that I let them do it so much for I sometimes feel it stole some of her remaining time with me. Then again, she was out of pain which she endured for a long time.

It is hard and heartbreaking but be assured he knows you are there and that will help him more than he'll ever be able to tell you. You will also feel better, later after, that you stuck it out so to speak. You don't want any more guilty feelings than what will already come over you later. He is scared and he might say some awful, nasty things, but you have to remember what he's going through. My wife said some downright terrible stuff to ma at the end and it hurt. Just have to step back and remember what they're going through.

Just hang in there..for both your sakes. Like I said, he knows, even if drugged out, and you'll feel better about it later.

 
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