Hello. I am 61 yo and currently in a nursing home due to a stroke in May 2011. And this May my younger son, my baby, who is 37 yo was diagnosed with Stage IV pancreatic cancer. They have rerouted his intestines and told him that the cancer is confined to the pancreas, but they also told us that chemo would only give him more side effects and not much in the way of positive help.
First, I am terrified of going to see him and breaking down. I know he doesn't need that. But I want to go and hug him and tell him how much I have appreciated his care. He has been my caregiver since my divorce 16 years ago. My only other child is a son who lives several States away and has done nothing in terms of being a son or caring for me in any fashion.
ramblinlady, i'm so sorry for your situation
I urge you to go see your son and hug him and tell him how much he's meant to you.....that would be so good right now for both of you.
also please encourage him to get another opinion and to never give up hope
Thank you Rosequartz,
I am unfortunately pretty much out of his care team. My opinion doesn't matter to most people around him. The reason is that I am stuck in this nursing home when I want to be out of here caring for my son.
Today there is no way I could hold myself together enough to see him. Anyone here asks about him or my day and all I can do is bawl so bad no one can understand me. Maybe tomorrow.
Maybe tomorrow I will have myself glued together to see him.
In the meantime I spoke with my DIL (his sister-in-law) and got better details. He has pancreatic cancer stage four b. The oncologist said he will look over my son's records and decide what treatment is best. But if they do chemo, it will be done to control his pain and maybe slow the progression of the cancer. They say he won't get better. And they are considering hospice not to move him to a home yet, but to let them make sure he doesn't run out of pain medicine. (He ran himself out of pain medicine and didn't say anything to anyone!)
I feel a lot better knowing all the truth. I hate hearing bits and pieces. I am horrible about thinking the worst. I don 't really expect him to get "better" but I would like to hope that the chemo makes his pain better and maybe gives him a few more months to live.
I feel overwhelmed. I know we all die eventually, but I don't know if this is any better, knowing pretty much when he is going to die.
Seeing him has already been taken out of my hands. I asked him if he would like me to visit him Friday or Monday, he said No, he is getting out of the hospital Friday and would try to visit me soon. The last time hexsaid this it took him over a week to visit me and when I asked him again after several days (almost a week) if he was going to comexsee me, I was told to quit nagging him.
Maybe I will finally get to see him again is when he is in his coffin. Only then I don't think I could bring myself to hug him. He won't feel it anyway.
I had a nice surprise on Sunday. My son and grandson stopped by to see me. It was good, too, because I got to give my son a hug and called him "baby". I had called him that in text messages but hadn't yet to his face. He was OK with that.
He said he was going to see the oncologist and family doctor this week. And he said that if he didn't like the opinion of the oncologist he was going to ask our family doctor if he could see another oncologist. That is great that he isn't going to take the first opinion he gets.
He also told me he would be back again later this week. Maybe that visit will give us a chance to cry in each others arms. I know he didn't want to break down in front of his son.
I guess I have got to keep trying to continue with my personal care and hope he does the same.
The following user gives a hug of support to Ramblinlady:
Ramblin lady what a wonderful update!
I'm so glad he dropped by and surprised you and brought your grandson with!
I'm feeling good that he's pursuing another opinion, that means he's not giving up hope, and he shouldn't......doctors can be wrong!
You're right, continue taking care of yourself, and hope he does too!
one day at a time........keep posting, it's good for you!