Just Can't Continue on this Roller Coaster
Up and down and up and down it goes.
My son said he wanted to get a second opinion on chemo treatment. So he saw the oncologist today, but doesn't want to talk about it. He also said that he didn't want to spend his remaining time on earth being sick from chemo's side effects. I understand that, but if he doesn't get the chemo will he be dead in a month? He thinks the diahrrea and stomach pains are just due to the surgery to reroute his intestines and not the cancer. I think the cancer is the cause.
Someone (a nurse) told me that sometimes the chemo seems to kill folks quicker than the cancer. Is this true? Is he better off taking his chances without chemo? Has anyone lived more than a few weeks with stage 4 pancreatic cancer and no chemo? Is there any proof that chemo actually made a person live any longer or would the person be alive and feeling better without the chemo?
I just want him around as long as possible for his son. Heck, his son went into overload when his father didn't answer his cell phone. The poor boy thought Dad was dead. His son is about 12 yo. So his grandma bought my son a cheap phone with 3 months of free unlimited service so my son has no phone excuse not to answer the phone.
All this is just making me crazier and more depressed by the second. I wish I would have just gone to bed the night of my stroke and let it kill me. I will never get out of this nursing home. I will never see the inside of my home again or get to collect my belongings out of there. Doesn't really matter since I have no room in this nursing home for squat and what I do manage to bring in gets stolen, like laptops and a new backpack from the US Army and a bag full of scrap yarn.
Sorry, I am rambling again. I just can't handle being stuck in this nursing home with crazy caregivers and a son dying of cancer and keeping me in the dark. I hate this whole horrid mess.