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Old 11-06-2012, 06:41 AM   #16
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bobbi416 HB Userbobbi416 HB User
Unhappy Re: daughters need advice!!

Hello Ivory,

Thank you for your kind words. But I must correct you, It is my sister not my mother. My mother passed on 10-26-2011 from complications of RA (Polmunary Fibrosis).

My sister passed on 11-2-2012, may she finally rest in peace. I can't even put into words how I am feeling. I've done nothing but cry. The loss of both my Mother and my Sister with in a year is just to much.

I have this emptiness that is overwhelming me. Both were cremated so all I have are photos, but I can't even look at them without opening the flood gates.
Any advice, my eyes are filling up while writing this.

Very Sad and lost, B.

Last edited by bobbi416; 11-06-2012 at 06:42 AM.

 
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Old 11-07-2012, 11:13 AM   #17
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Ivorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB User
Re: daughters need advice!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by bobbi416 View Post
Hello Ivory,

Thank you for your kind words. But I must correct you, It is my sister not my mother. My mother passed on 10-26-2011 from complications of RA (Polmunary Fibrosis).

My sister passed on 11-2-2012, may she finally rest in peace. I can't even put into words how I am feeling. I've done nothing but cry. The loss of both my Mother and my Sister with in a year is just to much.

I have this emptiness that is overwhelming me. Both were cremated so all I have are photos, but I can't even look at them without opening the flood gates.
Any advice, my eyes are filling up while writing this.

Very Sad and lost, B.
Hi B. ~ In most of my posts here on this thread I was responding to the original poster who signed herself as "B" and whose mom is battling through pancreatic cancer.

I am sooo sorry to hear about the passing of your dear sister and soo understand the emptiness and void you are feeling since I had lost my younger brother and then just 9 months later my dear mom.

I was numb for quite some time.....almost felt as if the world was going on while I was suspended in mid-air.

I cried many tears, too many to count and still do but not as bad.

What I recommend is that you give yourself permission to grieve your loss.....my feeling was that I barely had time to mourn my dear brother when my mom, a perfectly healthy woman who walked 3-4 miles daily, was diagnosed with Bile Duct Cancer and within 3 months gone.

It felt as if the wind had literally been knocked out of me!!

So first give yourself permission to mourn your losses, there is no one way to do that but is a personal journey to be taken.

I found that the best way to honor my dear brother and mom was to continue to celebrate life in the way that they did.....it wasn't always easy but I found by doing so I was continuing to bring them with me as I did.

The first year was the hardest, the first Mother's Day without my mom, the first birthdays, the first Christmases, my first birthday without them there.

I still miss them tremendously and have found that journaling helps out alot.

I write to them sharing my thoughts.....I so miss talking to them by phone since both of them were the ones who I shared my fears and joys with.

I lost half my family.....I have one other brother and my dad and when we gather I still feel the void of not having the other two by my side.

But it does get easier.....I feel their presence in different ways and am open to that.

I have my mom's favorite perfume/lotion/bodywash that I took from her drawer while packing some of her things away.

I use on days I miss her applying it on special occasions when I want her near. She was sooo excited getting that perfume set for Christmas from my dad because of how expensive it was....it is appropriately named for her, "Angel" by Thierry Mugler.

So, Bobbi, you will find your way through this just as I did.

It will take some time and you will figure out how to get back into life's daily rountine when you are ready.

I did go to a grief therapist for a few sessions and she deemed me as handling things appropriately. She actually kicked me out because my co-pays were too much saying that I was doing exceptionally well under the circumstances.

One day at a time.....the more you love the more you will grieve.

I also found it helpful coming here to share my grief among others who understand.

There is a grieving forum that may be more helpful for you and I see you opened a thread up over there and will copy my response there as well since it is probably more appropriate to have there.

Keep talking to us, you are not alone.

I am hoping to get an update from B/WeAreFamily since it's been a while since we've heard an update on her mom and how the family is doing.

Stay well and know that my thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

Love ~ Ivory

 
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Old 11-07-2012, 11:54 AM   #18
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Re: daughters need advice!!

HI IVORY ~ It's me "B"

I haven't written in awhile since we have been really busy. Lots of family members have been coming in from all over. My moms sister, who lives in florida has been here for over a month. Mom is getting weaker and more tired but she has agreed to hospice!!! Hospice started last week, the social worker, nurse and chaplin all came to their home. Mom being mom wants to stay home, does not want a hospital bed, does not want a commode...still in charge and we are letting her make all the rules/decisions. The nurse said, mom may have about a month....and she said that is generous

so sad but so relieved that mom does not have be uncomfortable anymore. Since hospice started last week, she has been less talkative and stays in bed almost the entire time. Yesterday, two of her closest friends came and she went to the couch, even if it was only for an hour. During Hurricane Sandy....(which happends to be my moms name) my sisters and I all lost power and all stayed with my parents since luckily their power remained on!! She loved having all of us with her and seems very sad when any of us leave to go home now, guess that is very normal especially realizing that she is definitely at the end of this horrible disease...

Thank you for checking in on me, I will be in touch soon!!!

B

 
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Old 11-30-2012, 02:56 PM   #19
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Re: daughters need advice!!

Hi "B",

Just wanted to check with you, how are you and your mom doing? Haven't heard from you in a while. If your up to it could you let us know how your doing.
Thinking of you and your mom.
Bobbi

 
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Old 12-01-2012, 06:22 AM   #20
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Re: daughters need advice!!

Hi Bobbi,
So thoughtful of you to reach out to me. Mom is still holding on but unfortunately she is very weak, frail and thin and is in bed all day. One thing about her, she still is completely aware of everything. Hospice has been involved now for about 5 weeks and they are wonderful. The nurse is amazed at mom but also said she is so strong willed and a very strong heart. Mom has started to take pain medication, at least once a day so at least she has finally given in and does not have to be in any discomfort. Thanksgiving was sad, as my entire family of 17 were in the dining room mom was lying in her bed by herself. My younger sister and I both finished our dinner with her so we felt like she was included. I truly believe that my mom is staying strong for next week all her nieces, nephews and their children will be here to celebrate the holidays....she loves them very much and I think that she wants to be around for the festivites. I am tired and drained but have stayed away from mom all week since I had a sinus infection/flu. Hopefully I will be over there tomorrow....I miss her!!

Once again Bobbi, thank you for reaching out to me. I appreciate your endless support!

B

 
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