Originally Posted by bobbi416
Thank you for your kind words. But I must correct you, It is my sister not my mother. My mother passed on 10-26-2011 from complications of RA (Polmunary Fibrosis).
My sister passed on 11-2-2012, may she finally rest in peace. I can't even put into words how I am feeling. I've done nothing but cry. The loss of both my Mother and my Sister with in a year is just to much.
I have this emptiness that is overwhelming me. Both were cremated so all I have are photos, but I can't even look at them without opening the flood gates.
Any advice, my eyes are filling up while writing this.
Very Sad and lost, B.
~ In most of my posts here on this thread I was responding to the original poster who signed herself as "B" and whose mom is battling through pancreatic cancer.
I am sooo sorry to hear about the passing of your dear sister and soo understand the emptiness and void you are feeling since I had lost my younger brother and then just 9 months later my dear mom.
I was numb for quite some time.....almost felt as if the world was going on while I was suspended in mid-air.
I cried many tears, too many to count and still do but not as bad.
What I recommend is that you give yourself permission to grieve your loss.....my feeling was that I barely had time to mourn my dear brother when my mom, a perfectly healthy woman who walked 3-4 miles daily, was diagnosed with Bile Duct Cancer and within 3 months gone.
It felt as if the wind had literally been knocked out of me!!
So first give yourself permission to mourn your losses, there is no one way to do that but is a personal journey to be taken.
I found that the best way to honor my dear brother and mom was to continue to celebrate life in the way that they did.....it wasn't always easy but I found by doing so I was continuing to bring them with me as I did.
The first year was the hardest, the first Mother's Day without my mom, the first birthdays, the first Christmases, my first birthday without them there.
I still miss them tremendously and have found that journaling helps out alot.
I write to them sharing my thoughts.....I so miss talking to them by phone since both of them were the ones who I shared my fears and joys with.
I lost half my family.....I have one other brother and my dad and when we gather I still feel the void of not having the other two by my side.
But it does get easier.....I feel their presence in different ways and am open to that.
I have my mom's favorite perfume/lotion/bodywash that I took from her drawer while packing some of her things away.
I use on days I miss her applying it on special occasions when I want her near. She was sooo excited getting that perfume set for Christmas from my dad because of how expensive it was....it is appropriately named for her, "Angel" by Thierry Mugler.
So, Bobbi, you will find your way through this just as I did.
It will take some time and you will figure out how to get back into life's daily rountine when you are ready.
I did go to a grief therapist for a few sessions and she deemed me as handling things appropriately. She actually kicked me out because my co-pays were too much saying that I was doing exceptionally well under the circumstances.
One day at a time.....the more you love the more you will grieve.
I also found it helpful coming here to share my grief among others who understand.
There is a grieving forum that may be more helpful for you and I see you opened a thread up over there and will copy my response there as well since it is probably more appropriate to have there.
Keep talking to us, you are not alone.
I am hoping to get an update from B/WeAreFamily since it's been a while since we've heard an update on her mom and how the family is doing.
Stay well and know that my thoughts are with you at this difficult time.
Love ~ Ivory