(((((B))))) <<<< those are cyberhugs
Your mom sounds like a beautiful soul and I can only imagine how difficult it is to see her so weak when she is the one who usually takes care of everybody else.
How wonderful that she was there for you when you were divorced and raising your two children, she truly sounds like a remarkable woman.
Like you describe, my mom was the matriarch of the family....and she had one sister who she basically raised and pretty much was the glue to our family.
The most difficult part for her and for us was to see her become so weak as you are experiencing with your mom, however, there was something to be said about the beauty in the journey when we were able to take care of her and make her feel special like she did for us all of our lives.
If I may suggest, take some time to do some hands on comfort for your mom such as putting some cream on her legs and feet when she is bedridden. Brushing her hair or changing her socks if she likes that.
Also, try to take turns being with her so that you don't exhaust yourselves as a family.....this also allows you each to have more one on one with her.
Our family is very close and openly talked about things.
My brother actually told me that he would always be near me even after his passing and I asked him how I would know.
He told me to look for a butterfly especially when out on the water.
Within days of his passing when I mentioned his name a butterfly would suddenly appear......we live on the water and go out boating and shared a love of boating with my brother. Many times while out on our boat a butterfly will come to the bow of our boat and like a porpoise would appear throughout our venture and then float off when we came in.
I feel my mother's presence since her passing as well in the most remarkable ways that only I can understand she lets me know she's near.
Not everybody understands this but if you're open to it love can transcend all distance and time even between heaven and earth.
I know this is so heartbreaking and I still cry missing my mom's daily presence in my life especially the daily phone calls we shared.
Still to this day, I go to reach for the phone to tell her about my newest news or wanting to ask her advice and that is the hardest part of it all.
I am sorry to hear about your dad's failing health as well, this can't be easy for you and your family. I am sure that your mom is worried about your dad as well so easing her mind and letting her know that you will all take care of your dad will be something she will feel relieved of.
I was able to ease my brother's worries about being there for his 6 kids to make sure that they remembered him. To this day I have kept that promise by taking each one of them for one week during the summer. My sister in law has told us what an incredible gift that is to her kids in keeping their dad's spirit alive in their lives.
When we met with my Mom's oncologist it was good to be part of assisting my mom in making the best decisions regarding her final journey and the doctor was so compassionate to making sure that all her needs were met and respected.
The oncologist was very aware of my mom's fears, like your mom she didn't want to have too many meds. So she started with Vicodin pills and when they didn't help she was advanced to pain patches to help with breakthrough pain. And when time comes that the patches don't help, they will give her meds through an IV.
My mom thankfully didn't need anything in an IV until her last day....she was a fighter and just wanted to be as alert as possible but controlling the pain as much as possible.
I hope that once you meet with the oncologist some of your concerns will be alleviated once you know what to expect.
Again, I wish you peace and much love during this time.
The best gift you can give your mom at this time is peace of mind to know that you and your family are going to be okay, that you will take care of one another when her time comes and continue to live your lives the way in which she has taught you.
My daughter's college Graduation was only weeks after my mother's passing, she wanted so much to be there and picked out a special necklace of hers to give my daughter to wear on her Graduation Day.
My other daughter's High School Prom and Graduation was only a day following my brother's funeral. It was my mom who said that we needed to celebrate each and every occasion and even after losing her youngest son fully celebrated my daughter's festivities because that is what she did and what she taught us to do.
And so, somehow we find strength during these difficult times and learn that the best way we can honor our mothers and loved ones is to live in a way that they did, with love and joy carrying them each day with us as we do.
One day at a time, B., and know that you will find the precious moments even on the journey ahead. And that all that your mom has given to you will carry you through the difficult days ahead.
(((((HUGS)))))) from me to you ~ Ivory