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Old 01-22-2013, 08:20 AM   #1
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Question Needing answers please (Care taker of my mom)

My mom is 50 years old and was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer that has spread to and covered her liver. She was told 9 months ago that she would only live 5-6 mths with or without chemo. She chose no chemo. I am also her caregiver. Im just really confused some days. She has good and bad days. More bad then good now. She is starting to get purple blotches all over her face and arms. She is also starting to look different in the face. Her temples have caved in from bone loss and now shes getting tender spots on her shoulders and checks from laying over night on one side of the body. Hospice doesnt tell her much but yesterday when they measured her arms she just shook her head. She wouldnt tell us the difference in measurement from last week but she did say that moms arms were so small and fragile. Yesterday mom told me that she is losing the ability to use her legs and arms. I had to help her up when she crouched down in the kitchen several times. She couldnt get up. If this is familiar to anyone please walk me through what to expect. I have never known anyone with cancer and I have never lost anyone. My heart breaks everyday watching my mom suffer and watching the changes she is going through. She isnt eating much at all and when she does she cannot hardly swallow her food or water. Any advice would be great. Thank you!

 
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Old 01-22-2013, 09:52 AM   #2
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gmak HB Usergmak HB Usergmak HB Usergmak HB Usergmak HB Usergmak HB Usergmak HB Usergmak HB Usergmak HB Usergmak HB Usergmak HB User
Re: Needing answers please (Care taker of my mom)

Dear candle crazy, Bless your heart you must be very young if your mom is only 50y/o. Hospice usually helps the family walk thru the stages of death on a day by day basis with help, instructions, support etc. Are there other choices of home health hospice healthcare? I take care of my mom but she is not sick & watching her age naturally is hard enough & im as old as your mom. You are being a very good daughter in my opinion,& i would like to help you & support you in any way i can. Is it about time to be checked by the dr again?

 
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Old 01-22-2013, 04:16 PM   #3
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Re: Needing answers please (Care taker of my mom)

Quote:
Originally Posted by gmak View Post
Dear candle crazy, Bless your heart you must be very young if your mom is only 50y/o. Hospice usually helps the family walk thru the stages of death on a day by day basis with help, instructions, support etc. Are there other choices of home health hospice healthcare? I take care of my mom but she is not sick & watching her age naturally is hard enough & im as old as your mom. You are being a very good daughter in my opinion,& i would like to help you & support you in any way i can. Is it about time to be checked by the dr again?
I am 34 We are involved with hospice but they are trained to not give us details. She said they are not allowed because all patients are different. Sometimes when I go to Hospice to pick up new meds for mom I will ask some questions and sometimes they will tell me. They currently come once a week for a check up visit. She looked right at mom last week and said "You must really be a fighter because at this stage I would have already gave up" Mom sometimes says she tells god to please take her that she cannot take anymore pain. She never got a second opinion and doesnt see a DR. only hospice. She so tiny but her stomach is swelled like shes 9 mths preg. Hospice said they cant drain her stomach until its taking all of her breathe. Shes now getting really tired when she talks to much. Its just so hard for me and my kids (ages12&14) to see. Its not fair for sure!

 
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Old 01-22-2013, 04:38 PM   #4
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gmak HB Usergmak HB Usergmak HB Usergmak HB Usergmak HB Usergmak HB Usergmak HB Usergmak HB Usergmak HB Usergmak HB Usergmak HB User
Re: Needing answers please (Care taker of my mom)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Candlecrazyinwv View Post
I am 34 We are involved with hospice but they are trained to not give us details. She said they are not allowed because all patients are different. Sometimes when I go to Hospice to pick up new meds for mom I will ask some questions and sometimes they will tell me. They currently come once a week for a check up visit. She looked right at mom last week and said "You must really be a fighter because at this stage I would have already gave up" Mom sometimes says she tells god to please take her that she cannot take anymore pain. She never got a second opinion and doesnt see a DR. only hospice. She so tiny but her stomach is swelled like shes 9 mths preg. Hospice said they cant drain her stomach until its taking all of her breathe. Shes now getting really tired when she talks to much. Its just so hard for me and my kids (ages12&14) to see. Its not fair for sure!
Dear candle, No, sweetie I dont think its fair either! Its hard for her, you & your kids but im certain your mom has been so happy to be with your family. I remember when my kids were that age, too old for you to keep the suffering from them but not old enough to understand the emotions that this brings up in them.I truly am sorry. My grandfather died like this & when he died it was a comfort in a way but it wasnt my mom. My only uncle is terminal with pancreatic cancer right now, decided no treatment but he is not as far along as your mom. I pray that God is strength in weakness to you & I am here if you need an ear. Im so sorry. In my understanding hospice will keep the patient pain free as possible as long as the patient asks for the pain medicine.

Last edited by gmak; 01-22-2013 at 04:43 PM. Reason: wording

 
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